Excellent Premise in Need of Some Polish
Let me start by saying that Ryk Brink's style of writing is excellent. His prose kept me engaged from the beginning to the very end, and I have no trouble saying that I wouldn't be surprised to see his work published some day. Having said that, there are some niggling details with this story that keep it from truly shining.
Read the story now
The biggest thing in need of work here is the grammar. Several proper nouns aren't capitalized and there are a few typos and construction problems in every chapter. Most conspicuous, though, are the mix of British and American English. Sometimes the author chooses a British-ism or a British spelling, and sometimes an American. This was quite distracting and - seeing that the author is from South Africa - I would encourage him just to do it the British way except for dialogue (the story takes place in the USA).
The other big problem here is one of agency. The main character simply does not do anything in the story of his own initiative. I'm sure that was partly the purpose in the tale, but it simply felt distracting to have a character to do nothing but be led around by the nose the whole book.
This might sound overly critical, and I don't mean it that way. I see a lot of promise in this author and will probably check out more of his work. I want him to improve and his work to get even better over time,and I look forward to seeing what he comes up with next.