Vanessa A. M.

Would Definitely Recommend!!

The poems themselves are beautiful and introspective, although I would have loved each poem to be split into its own chapter so it can have its individual importance and your poems can be perused individually.

Great read!

I read the first chapter (aka - prologue) and I loved it because:
~ Great premise - the book advertised itself well and it was a great start!
~ The cliffhanger - please update! I need to know what happens next!

Concerns:
~ Slight grammar errors - nothing a good word processor can't fix
~ Paragraph length - when in doubt, remember tiptop (change the paragraph when the TIme, Place, TOpic or Person changes) - and make sure that the paragraphs are defined (i.e. they have a gap between them)

I'll withhold my judgment about whether to recommend it to prospective readers until the next update arrives, but if you have to ask me - go ahead :D

"Someone please give the author a medal"

Things I loved about this book:
~ The characters and their relationships
~ The plot's originality and execution
~ The pacing
~ Someone please give the author a medal for passing the Bechdel test with flying colours and choosing a FEMALE protagonist in a survival book—I'm proud of you
~ The scenes where it looks like just a scene but in actuality, you're getting to know the characters more and more and goodness gracious it's goddamn amazing
~ The scenes where you think they're at odds with each other when in actuality, they aren't and it all has a secret reason and let me tell you that's bloody brilliant

Things I hope the author can work on:
~ Minor grammatical errors
~ That time when nine chapters were actually all the same chapter with different names (hope that's fixed by now)
~ Literally nothing else—it's perfect

Great Read!

What I loved:
~ Great characters
~ Originality
~ That it was a short and sweet read
~ The suspense

Concerns:
~ Paragraph length (limit to 3-4 sentences)
~ Info-dumping (let the information seep through instead of outlining it all from the get-go)

Great job!

Loved your style. And the ending blew me away. Please continue writing and improving!

MIND-BLOWING

I really loved the concept and execution!!

That being said, a few concerns. The first few chapters were interesting, but I feel that considering the rest of the book, they could be even more so. I would hate for a reader to miss out on the amazing story because they are bored with the first few chapters.

Along those lines, some paragraphs were *extremely* long, and it would be helpful to limit a paragraph to 3-4 sentences so that the reader's gaze doesn't *skip* past them.

Similarly, the chapters (especially the first few) would really enjoy a showing/telling scan. You have so much scope for showing, don't resort to info-dumping.

Now, that aside, this story is mind-blowing. I would recommend it to anyone and everyone because of its beautiful execution and the characters... you really, really have a skill with characters. This story is unique because it gives a biting social commentary without even being centered around humans. I hope you keep writing and keep sharing your gifts with the world!

x Vanessa

Critical Review as of 11/6/20

I did love the characters, but there are a few grammatical concerns I have.

First things first, the story would be tons better if there were defined paragraph breaks (first chapter). The lack of paragraph breaks is a huge turn-off because the reader feels like they are reading a huge, neverending clump of text, especially because it's the first chapter.

Secondly, limit the number of question marks, exclamation marks, caps lock and ellipses. It can get really boring really fast, and you lose the punch that is associated with using it. The rule of thumb should be to default to a full stop and there should be no more than two exclamation marks, one ellipse and five question marks per chapter. As for caps lock, use italics when required, and on *rare* occasion utilise the all-caps, and *don't* use a capitalised word in the middle of the sentence unless it's a proper noun. On a similar note, there is an overuse of the words 'anyway' and 'what?' Limit the usage of them as well.

The dialogue sounds unnatural at times. Maybe explore your characters more to find out their unique voice and use it. And, if direct dialogue will be longer than conveying the message otherwise, use alternate methods.

On a lighter note, the plot is magical. Your writer's voice is awesome and I absolutely adored the plot twist. I will surely continue reading this book and will recommend it to anyone. Keep writing, author; good job!

x Vanessa

5/5

I've read the Prologue and Chapter 1, and I really love the story so far. I can feel Will's emotions, but I want to slap him (lovingly) into understanding he is good enough, and that his worth doesn't depend on Chantel. Beautiful emotional depth, love your writing style and would recommend to anyone who is anyone.

x Vanessa

Great story!

Trigger warning for the story: Abuse.

I really like the characters, the storyline is intriguing, and I love the pacing. I'm looking forward to seeing more from the characters and the story, and hope it takes a less conventional/cliched turn.

Kudos to the author!

Great job!!

I haven't read the first book, of course, but I definitely enjoyed this book very much. Great continuation to (what I'm hoping) is a mindblowing book, which I'm looking into reading soon. Keep it up, author!!

"Bloody brilliant"

Honestly, I would have loved a longer prologue but I understand why you didn't do it. Apart from that, *chef's kiss* perfect. I loved the tone, pace, and the characters. Right from the get-go, we see Raymond as a family man, and snippets of that can be seen in the Prologue as well. Sarah, well, I got to see little of her, but whatever I've seen so far is bloody brilliant. I can't wait to read the rest of this book! Cheers to the author.

x Vanessa

Lovely Plot

I loved the plot - it is interesting and original. I would definitely recommend to anyone who wanted to read this book.

However, I had some concerns.

First, the female lead is very stereotypical. If she's a rich girl but doesn't want her parents' money, there has to be an excellent reason. She's is vain, bossy, and (to some extent) bratty, so it doesn't fit with her whole vibe. I didn't really like her, in all honesty.

Another concern I had was the unnatural-sounding dialogue. All the characters had similar voice and it sounded like you, the author, was speaking through them.

I suggest you go back to the drawing board with your characters. Sketch them out; give them life. Make sure they have a 3-D personality, a voice and most importantly: a history. Check out Gail Carson Levine's character template here: http://sarrahhakim.com/character-questionnaire/#:~:text=This%20character%20questionnaire%20belongs%20to,in%20her%20book%2C%20Writing%20Magic.&text=Just%20fill%20it%20out%2D%20definitely,that%20seem%20a%20little%20blurry.

However, I really like YOUR voice, as the author, and I was hooked onto the story. The plot was new and fresh. I hope you continue writing this book and share with the world your talent and hard work!

x Vanessa

Would definitely recommend!!

I loved the story a lot, impeccable plot, beautiful characters, and I'm absolutely swooning at Elizabeth. There are minor grammatical mistakes which I have written comments about. Apart from that, it's perfect.

Loved it

I loved how seamlessly the story flowed and I loved your writing style. Keep it up! I would definitely recommend to anyone who wants a thought-provoking read.

Definitely recommend!!

This was a short and sweet romance, and I loved it a lot, especially because it didn't feel rushed. The naturally progressing relationship between the two love interests is something I don't see very often these days, and I do encourage the author to keep writing!

Loved it

Very awesome story with amazing potential. The mystery is next level. Loved the story, but started to dissociate when there were long paragraphs with excessive details. Would love for you to reduce the length of the paragraphs and reduce the amount of details.

Good job author!!

Critical Review of Promise

LIGHT SPOILERS CHAPTERS 1-6

There are some concerns I have with the story:

~ There are a lot of grammatical errors. I recommend reading a lot of fiction and observing grammatical conventions.

~ Wes was not an impressive character. He seems emotionally abusive because of his toxic positivity and his condescending manner as well as his opinion that he knows what is best for her. Perhaps he was supposed to be this way, but I really think that the character (and perhaps you, the author) don't realise exactly how detrimental this is.

~ On a similar note, Rebecca. She just... becomes happy when Wes asks her to? I have anxiety and if someone asks me to stop feeling something; I start to either: cry, get out of that situation, or snap at them. If someone is feeling sad, it's probably for good reason, and if someone tells them to stop feeling sad, they don't just start smiling, however noble the intentions of the other was.

~ Along those lines, her having anxiety is not well-researched. Does she have generalized anxiety, high-functioning anxiety, social anxiety, a panic disorder, OCD, or C-PTSD/PTSD? Depending on which type, she probably has different triggers to a panic attack and other symptoms. For example, I usually have a panic attack when I have an impending deadline which I don't think I can get past, and I chew my nails and twirl my hair a lot. You should research this, as well as therapists, doctors, medications, etc. Also, someone doesn't get diagnosed or medicated for a mental disorder without having at least two or three therapist visits.

~ The characters have similar personalities. Perhaps make them more 3 dimensional and let them have differences in identities and their own quirks. I recommend the Big 5 Personality System, the Enneagram, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) for the same.

That being said, this story is magnificent in many ways:

~ The plot. It is original and well thought-out. I can see how much effort you have put into making it engaging. I was hooked right from the start.

~ The pace. I know that you have had concerns with the pacing before, but now it is just right. I am glad to see that you are improving in your writing style!

~ Rebecca. She is my favourite, and I love that she is 3 dimensional and that her personality is shining through in everything she does.

~ Your thought-process. Anxiety is really, really underrepresented in fiction. It is usually depression/suicide. I love that you have portrayed something that is extremely personal to me.

I really think this story has great potential (or should I say great PROMISE)! I hope you keep writing, keep improving, and share your gifts with the world!!

For the prospective readers, do I recommend this? On a scale of 1-10, probably a 6/7.

x Vanessa.