First, I want to thank you for being an amazing person helping me out when no one did.
Read the story now
Now for the serious part. Let me say that your story has potential, the diversity of the characters, the interaction and all were amazing. But of course, you don't want me to sugar coat the story, you want to hear my honest opinion about where I found you went wrong.
I won't dive through grammar because English isn't actually my first language (It's my third actually).
There are two problems, first is the pacing. I found out while reading that some scenes were dragged out more than they deserved, making me somewhat uncomfortable.
The second problem, or maybe this is just my personal preference, the setting is weak. The fantasy world you just build had a lot of promise, but you didn't expand your idea any further than what the main character needed, Again, this is my personal opinion, it doesn't mean it's something wrong.
All in all, this is a great story, and I will gladly recommend it to my friends. Also, I encourage you to write another story with the same setting (maybe a second book in the series?) talking about another character from another region, this would be really interesting to read! Again, thank you, and I hope you good luck in your writing career.