Gabriella White

Ohio

Follow for a follow! I'm also always up for a review swap! Currently collabing with @stephen_evans. Links to my accounts on other platforms and playlists in bio under the globe icon!

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The Pain Of Me

A very deep and true poem, I love how you emphasized certain words, which was clever on your part. Good job.

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Relatable

I was able to connect with this poem because it's literally how I felt when my first boyfriend broke up with me suddenly after I had given him nothing but love. Good job!

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Love it

The message is clear and motivational, excellent job!

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Interesting

I must say that I've never seen someone write something so straightforward that wasn't a wall post, I found it interesting. On the other hand, I didn't really like how it was all one big paragraph. Other than that, good job.

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This Is Deep

I love the deep meaning of the poem and how motivating and true it is.

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Powerful

A very powerful poem. I found it interesting that you "inserted" a swear word in the poem, I've never seen that before. Good job!

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It needs quite a bit of work

Let me start off by saying, all mistakes or further needed development aside, I LOVE this story! I love reading stories about mafias and this one probably has one of the darkest mafia leaders that I've ever read about. I mean, Seth is BLOODTHIRSTY. He makes every other mafia leader that I've read about look like a child. I also like how you didn't make Camilla innocent, like how a lot of the main female characters are in this kind of story. The character development is amazing and the setting is clear.

Now for what I think needs to be improved on. The writing style throws me off a lot. There were several parts where I was confused as to who was speaking to who, like in the last couple of paragraphs in chapter 4. There are also a lot of grammatical errors throughout the story, which can be fixed by using Grammarly or another grammar correcting website. Also, are the "demons" actual demons, or are they just voices in her head because of her anxiety? I only ask because you mention Camila's eyes looking black at one point.

Other than that, it was an enjoyable read and I can't wait for future chapters!

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Very Intriguing

I found the characters intriguing, but the plot is very confusing to me. Do the characters live among humans, like in Charlotte's Web? Or do they live in their own world like Zootopia? Other than that and a few grammar and punctuation mistakes, I think it's a good story.

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Good first couple of chapters!

I've only read a couple of chapters and I'm not a big fan of the writing-style, but I will say that they're a good first couple of chapters. However, in the second paragraph of chapter one, you dump a lot of information on the reader. I see this a lot in fanfictions. It's good to give the reader a description of the character, but it doesn't have to be to that extent. Allow the reader to have a general idea of what the character looks like, but provide context clues for the reader to use to pick up on what the character's personality is, what their likes and dislikes are, etc. You'd be surprised at what readers pick up on based on a character's tone and interactions with others.

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It needs some work

Overall, the book has an excellent plot. However, I found several plot holes throughout the book. You also changed from first person to third person point of view about half way through the book, which confused me. I also wish there was more development in Kenji and Leanna's relationship because their relationship and the story itself feels fast paced.
Here are my suggestions: try to slow down and develop your characters more. What are their likes and dislikes? Is there something that haunts them? If so, then why? How did the characters get where they are now? Create characters that your audience can bind with. As for grammatical errors, I suggest using grammarly or some other grammar correction site.

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An enjoyable read!

I liked the story and the plot. I definitely saw some parallels with The 100 tv series (If you haven't watched it, I strongly recommend you do). I like the idea of having two different races at war with each other, but I feel like this is more of a sci-fi book rather than fantasy, but no matter what genre it falls under, it's an enjoyable story! I look forward to reading future chapters, keep up the good work!

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It Needs A Little Work

Overall it's a good start. You have a set plot, which is good. However, your structuring could use some work. I kept getting confused throughout the chapter. You started the chapter in first person, but then it changed to third person. Another thing I struggled with is deciphering when the character was speaking, performing an action, and thinking. I also lost track of the characters. In addition, I couldn't tell if the paragraphs that were in italics were flashbacks or not. There were also some punctuation issues. Here are my suggestions: Try restructuring the and reorganizing the chapter. Everything was there, it just needs to be rearranged. Use grammarly or another grammar website to check grammar, punctuation and spelling. It won't be perfect, but definitely an improvement. Again, overall the chapter was enjoyable and there's plenty of room for improvement! Keep up the good work!

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I love it!

I absolutely love your story! I've only read the first chapter, but from what I can tell from what I've read, you really give the audience a clear picture of the character and their surroundings. There are a few grammatical errors, but other than that, I greatly enjoyed the chapter that I read.

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It has a lot of potential

Overall, the plot itself is intriguing. I like how your main character can be relatable to the audience. Your technical writing skills are great, but I would try to use less parentheses, specifically when you're talking about his sister, Cat. I would also try to elaborate more on the character's relationship with his family. That's kind of what the first couple of chapters should be mostly centered on since he clearly doesn't have a good relationship with them, but you don't exactly talk about where it's rooted from. Does he remind his parents of another black sheep of the family or is there a family secret that he is unaware of? Something like that. But, overall I really enjoyed reading the first couple of chapters and I'm excited to see where this story will go.

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I Need MORE

I love this story and I'm craving more! I was a little iffy about Blake, but as soon as Lonan pulled the stunt that he did, I like Blake more. The plot is excellent, but the grammar could use some work. I love how you showed Lacey's uncertainty with Blake when she first met him. However, I'm confused about Owen's role in the clan. At one point you made it sound like he was the Alpha, but then you said that Blake was. I could just be confusing myself considering the fact that I read most of it at 1 in the morning, but I was just wondering. Other than that, great job!

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Interesting

The story is quite interesting. and has a lot of potential. I also like how clearly you showed how the main character felt like they didn't fit in.

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An Interesting Read

Overall, I think the plot is creative. Your use of detail is excellent and gives the reader a clear picture in their mind. I love how you had two characters of two different religious backgrounds because I don't see that very often in stories here on Inkitt. But it wasn't the fact that you included them that I particularly enjoyed, it's how you incorporated them into the characters' development in their relationship. You showed that it doesn't matter if the two individuals in a relationship come from two different religious backgrounds as long as they respect each other's beliefs. Not only did you do that, but you also showed that you don't have to follow your family's beliefs, which I think is important as well. In addition, I enjoyed how accurate you made Joseph's reaction to Prosephone's pregnancy. My only complaint is grammar, but that's an easy fix. Overall, excellent job!

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Interesting

Aside from grammatical issues, it was a good start. I use grammarly to help minimize grammatical errors, so you may want to look into it. Other than that, good gob! I can't wait to read more!

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One of my all time favorites!

I absolutely LOVE this book! I initially found it on Wattpad and fell in love with it. It's one of the rare books that I'll read over and over again and I was so excited when I saw the Inkitt link in your bio on Wattpad! You develop the characters so well that I actually cried at some points in the story. I love how you incorporate schizophrenia in the story; it makes it more realistic especially when you see how her mental state affects the people around her. Even though the psycho ex-boyfriend is a cliche that I, myself, also use, it fits the storyline perfectly! You also gave the main character a strong support system and demonstrate how the relationship between two sisters can change once they get to college. I really liked that because I could relate to it at the time I read the book because I was going through the same thing with my own sister. A wonderful, somewhat realistic story that is a MUST READ!

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Mysterious and somewhat realistic

There are minor grammatical errors, but otherwise well written. I like how mysterious you make the main male character. But I also like how realistic the main female character is. You go very in detail about her emotions and how she handles what's going on around her and the character development is overall excellent. There is also a good balance of steamy and non-steamy scenes. Some of the erotica stories on here have an overpowering amount of sex scenes, which is good if you are a reader who enjoys that, but for me, I like a good balance because it allows me to create a connection with the characters rather than just reading porn. Overall, excellent job and keep up the good work!

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A fun read!

I love the first chapter! There are a few mistakes grammar wise but other than that I liked it, and can't wait to read more chapters!

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This is a unique idea!

There are some grammatical errors, but those can be corrected with proofreading and a grammar/spell check site such as grammarly or an equivalent. I LOVE this idea that you have about writing dreams as stories. I've never seen anything like it on any of the writing apps and sites that I use. Your use of detail is excellent as well and really paints a picture for the reader while still allowing them to use their imagination. Excellent job, I hope you add more stories in the future.

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Amazing!

The first short story was dark and interesting. Who knew so much could be said in just a few paragraphs? I could feel the emotion throughout the entire thing, especially when he said "For love" and you talk about him walking away.

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One of my favorite series!

I accidentally read the books out of order, but this is just as addicting as the second book! The detail is amazing, you can feel every emotion, and I can honestly relate to Blaire and Maya's friendship. This book is all that I expected and more even if I read them out of order. I haven't finished book 2, but now I really want to finish it. I'm not usually one to get addicted to an erotica romance series, but holy cow am I addicted and I will probably reread the series over and over again! There were a few grammatical errors, but other than that I didn't see any issues! Keep up the amazing work!

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An excellent start

I enjoyed the first couple of chapters. You had good use of detail in the first chapter, which is awesome because some readers really enjoy that. I love how I was able to picture the thunderstorm and the blue eyes in my head because of how descriptive you were The only thing I would suggest is that you are more descriptive with the characters and not just the setting.

I felt like the first paragraph was a little choppy because of how many periods were used, so I would try to use commas and semicolons as well. I also think you meant to type "hemophobic" and not "homophobic" in the first chapter. It's not a huge mistake, but I figured you ought to know so that when you go back to edit at any point, you know exactly what to look for. I also think that the chapters could be a little longer, by a couple of paragraphs or so because the chapters seemed to be a little rushed for my pace.

Other than that, great job with the first two chapters! I can't wait to read more!

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Where is the passion?

There are some gramatical errors, but those can be fixed with proofreading from peers and/or a grammar site like Grammarly. The plot is there, but where is the passion? Passion and creativity are what drives a story and is what motivates an author. You've introduced the characters and that's great, but I, as a reader, know nothing about them except that they're step siblings. I agree that you should start by making the paragraphs longer and more detailed.

Show, don't tell. I know it's hard because I even struggle with it, but hard work can go a long way. Show us the relationship between the siblings leading up to the first scene. Are they close? What are their likes and dislikes? What do they look like? What is the setting? In the first scene, where you're introducing the brother, what is he feeling? We know that he knows she isn't "the one", but why isn't she? What is the brother looking for? What makes that woman not "the one"?

The same goes for the sister. Aside from what is said in the chapter, what else is she feeling? Is she frustrated? Is she jealous? Or does the situation not bother her?

The potential is there you just need to find the passion because you already have the creativity. Take the potential, the passion, and the creativity and run with it. If writier's block is the issue, make an outline of the main points of the plot, and the scenes leading up to those main points just might fall into your hands.

I've been where you are right now. I used to have short and simple chapters with my sci-fi romance book, but I went back and expanded on it. You're on the right path, you just need a little bit of guidance. Stay strong, you got this!

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Interesting

The first few chapters were interesting and I found little to no grammatical errors.

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An Excellent Read

I really enjoyed the story. The plot was excellent and so were the characters and I understand it's a short story but I'm craving more. There is so much room to give more development to the characters, as well as to build onto the already existing plot. I'd like to know more about Granger and how he became a Nooker. You have the main events that create the plot, I want to see more on how we got to those points and when occurs after them.

Here is what I, as a reader, would like to know about the characters. What happens after Hanabi leaves that facility? How did Granger become a Nooker? What made Granger become the man that he was in that single chapter? How did Hanabi get the job that she has? Did she ever go to college? Does she have any friends? Did she ever run into the other three men after she was released? What became to the other three men? Hanabi and Granger appeared to have a connection during their time together, does that connection lead to a relationship that isn't strictly sexual?

Like I said, these are just questions that I, as a reader, have. Other than that, the story was enjoyable, keep up the good work!

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A Good Start

The chapter is a good start to the story. However, I felt that it was rushed. I didn't really catch on to the main character's relationship with her parents before they left, so I would like to see more of that in future chapters. Other than that, it's an excellent read.

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I love it!

I love the plot and character development. I could relate to Dani with the whole Mikey situation, which is good, you want the characters to be relatable to the audience.

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It has potential

Overall, I enjoyed reading the book and I'm a big fan of TVD. However, I felt it was rushed especially in the first few chapters. Try to expand it more. Allow the readers to see the characters develop. Personally, I would suggest writing down the major plot points so you can physically see them and then think about how the characters reach those points in the story. Like I said, you're on the right track you just need a little guidence. As for the grammar, I'm not too worried about it.

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An Amazing Story!

This is such a beautiful story so far. I love the plot and character development. Jax is so patient with Haley. He doesn't judge her for her past and tries to help her get better. It's so touching. I can't wait for future chapters.

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A Good start

It was an interesting first chapter! Honestly, the main character and her best friend remind me of my best friend and me. I didn't see any issues, and can't wait to read more chapters!

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An Interesting combination!

I love how you combined what I would consider being historical and action/science fiction. It makes the story unique and able to reach multiple audiences. Honestly, one of the characters reminded me of a friend of mine, which made me enjoy the story even more! My only suggestions are that you consider shortening the paragraphs and corrrect a few gramatical errors.

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An enjoyable read

I absolutely love the story, good job!

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My Mystery Man

I really enjoyed the first few chapters. You had a lot of detail and I also like how well you're keeping the man's identity hidden.

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An excellent start

I've only read the first couple chapters but so far it's an enjoyable read and an interesting plot. Keep up the good work!

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It has some interesting first few chapters

The prologue was very intriguing. You did an excellent job at describing the character's back story, it really made me dislike the character's father.

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Beautiful!

I love everything about this book from the plot to the characters to your use of detail! Keep up the good work!

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Intriguing

The story itself is intriguing and has good imagery. However, I would suggest that you cut down on repeating the main character's name and use more pronouns.

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I LOVE it!!!

I absolutely love this book. I enjoy reading books that are similar to this one. Excellent job with the plot!

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Excellent!

Aside from a few grammatical errors, which could be fixed using grammarly or other grammar, spelling, and punctuation website, it is well written. Helped the reader get to know the main character in the first few chapters and that's an important part when writing a book.

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Awesome job

I've only read the first chapter, but I already love the book! I love how much detail you put into the character's emotions, surroundings, etc. I look forward to reading the rest of the book!

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Definitely going on my reading list!

I love the plot! I also like how relatable your character was to me, and introvert. You really let the plot flow smoothly. I really enjoy these types of romance books. There were a few minor grammatical and punctuation errors, so I would suggest either having someone proofread it for you or use an app or website designed to check spelling, grammar, etc. I use Grammarly on my laptop, you can find it in the app store and it's free to download.

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Not my cup of tea

I'm not really much of a horror reader, which is probably the number one reason that I didn't enjoy the story. I could only bring myself to read the prologue and the first two chapters before I stopped reading it. It's not that the author is a bad writer or that there was no passion or creativity behind the plot, the story just wasn't for me. On a brighter note, I found little to no grammatical errors and have no issues with their writing style. In fact, I encourage the author to continue writing.

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