G. D. White

Ohio

20 year-old who mostly writes Science Fiction, Poetry and Nonfiction, but is open to all genres. Follow for a follow! I'm also always up for a review swap!

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Very Intriguing

I found the characters intriguing, but the plot is very confusing to me. Do the characters live among humans, like in Charlotte's Web? Or do they live in their own world like Zootopia? Other than that and a few grammar and punctuation mistakes, I think it's a good story.

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Good first couple of chapters!

I've only read a couple of chapters and I'm not a big fan of the writing-style, but I will say that they're a good first couple of chapters. However, in the second paragraph of chapter one, you dump a lot of information on the reader. I see this a lot in fanfictions. It's good to give the reader a description of the character, but it doesn't have to be to that extent. Allow the reader to have a general idea of what the character looks like, but provide context clues for the reader to use to pick up on what the character's personality is, what their likes and dislikes are, etc. You'd be surprised at what readers pick up on based on a character's tone and interactions with others.

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It needs some work

Overall, the book has an excellent plot. However, I found several plot holes throughout the book. You also changed from first person to third person point of view about half way through the book, which confused me. I also wish there was more development in Kenji and Leanna's relationship because their relationship and the story itself feels fast paced.
Here are my suggestions: try to slow down and develop your characters more. What are their likes and dislikes? Is there something that haunts them? If so, then why? How did the characters get where they are now? Create characters that your audience can bind with. As for grammatical errors, I suggest using grammarly or some other grammar correction site.

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An enjoyable read!

I liked the story and the plot. I definitely saw some parallels with The 100 tv series (If you haven't watched it, I strongly recommend you do). I like the idea of having two different races at war with each other, but I feel like this is more of a sci-fi book rather than fantasy, but no matter what genre it falls under, it's an enjoyable story! I look forward to reading future chapters, keep up the good work!

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It Needs A Little Work

Overall it's a good start. You have a set plot, which is good. However, your structuring could use some work. I kept getting confused throughout the chapter. You started the chapter in first person, but then it changed to third person. Another thing I struggled with is deciphering when the character was speaking, performing an action, and thinking. I also lost track of the characters. In addition, I couldn't tell if the paragraphs that were in italics were flashbacks or not. There were also some punctuation issues. Here are my suggestions: Try restructuring the and reorganizing the chapter. Everything was there, it just needs to be rearranged. Use grammarly or another grammar website to check grammar, punctuation and spelling. It won't be perfect, but definitely an improvement. Again, overall the chapter was enjoyable and there's plenty of room for improvement! Keep up the good work!

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I love it!

I absolutely love your story! I've only read the first chapter, but from what I can tell from what I've read, you really give the audience a clear picture of the character and their surroundings. There are a few grammatical errors, but other than that, I greatly enjoyed the chapter that I read.

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It has a lot of potential

Overall, the plot itself is intriguing. I like how your main character can be relatable to the audience. Your technical writing skills are great, but I would try to use less parentheses, specifically when you're talking about his sister, Cat. I would also try to elaborate more on the character's relationship with his family. That's kind of what the first couple of chapters should be mostly centered on since he clearly doesn't have a good relationship with them, but you don't exactly talk about where it's rooted from. Does he remind his parents of another black sheep of the family or is there a family secret that he is unaware of? Something like that. But, overall I really enjoyed reading the first couple of chapters and I'm excited to see where this story will go.

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A Good Start

The chapter is a good start to the story. However, I felt that it was rushed. I didn't really catch on to the main character's relationship with her parents before they left, so I would like to see more of that in future chapters. Other than that, it's an excellent read.

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I love it!

I love the plot and character development. I could relate to Dani with the whole Mikey situation, which is good, you want the characters to be relatable to the audience.

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A wonderful story to read!

I love everything about this book with the exception of a few grammatical errors. I love the character development, especially between Axel and Amalia. But I am wondering one thing, does Lily know Axel is Amalia's ex? If so, I think she's a terrible friend and it honestly made me angry when I found out that Axel dumped Amalia because Lily's dad wanted him to be with her because she likes him. Anyway, I can't wait until future chapters!

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An Interesting Story

Overall, it was a good story. I like the writing style, and you portrayed it very well considering it's one of the harder ones to write in. In addition, I could relate to the first two chapters a little too much. Especially when Brooke was kissing Lexi out of what seemed like nowhere. And that's a good thing that I could relate to a situation. As for grammar and punctuation, there were a few mistakes, but those can easily be fixed with Grammarly or another grammar and punctuation extension or website. (It saved me so many times during school and when writing my own stories). Great job with your writing and good luck!

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It has potential

Overall, I enjoyed reading the book and I'm a big fan of TVD. However, I felt it was rushed especially in the first few chapters. Try to expand it more. Allow the readers to see the characters develop. Personally, I would suggest writing down the major plot points so you can physically see them and then think about how the characters reach those points in the story. Like I said, you're on the right track you just need a little guidence. As for the grammar, I'm not too worried about it.

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An Amazing Story!

This is such a beautiful story so far. I love the plot and character development. Jax is so patient with Haley. He doesn't judge her for her past and tries to help her get better. It's so touching. I can't wait for future chapters.

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A Good start

It was an interesting first chapter! Honestly, the main character and her best friend remind me of my best friend and me. I didn't see any issues, and can't wait to read more chapters!

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Absolutely amazing!

There are a few grammatical mistakes, but nobody is perfect. I love the plot and the character development! You really made me hate her father, so you did an excellent job portraying his character. I also like how you portrayed Tyson. You really made me fall in love with him, and some of the things he did for Serenity made me think about my own relationship.

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An Interesting combination!

I love how you combined what I would consider being historical and action/science fiction. It makes the story unique and able to reach multiple audiences. Honestly, one of the characters reminded me of a friend of mine, which made me enjoy the story even more! My only suggestions are that you consider shortening the paragraphs and corrrect a few gramatical errors.

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Interesting read

I liked the writing style and the interesting character names, but the plot itself didn't really interesting me.

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An enjoyable read

I absolutely love the story, good job!

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My Mystery Man

I really enjoyed the first few chapters. You had a lot of detail and I also like how well you're keeping the man's identity hidden.

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Be My Last

I've only started reading it, but overall I'm enjoying it. However, there are somr grammatical errors that can easily be fixed with grammarly or something similar to it.

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An excellent start

I've only read the first couple chapters but so far it's an enjoyable read and an interesting plot. Keep up the good work!

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It has some interesting first few chapters

The prologue was very intriguing. You did an excellent job at describing the character's back story, it really made me dislike the character's father.

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Beautiful!

I love everything about this book from the plot to the characters to your use of detail! Keep up the good work!

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Great start!

I love reading these types of books! I loved the prologue as well and can't wait to read future chapters!

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Intriguing

The story itself is intriguing and has good imagery. However, I would suggest that you cut down on repeating the main character's name and use more pronouns.

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I LOVE it!!!

I absolutely love this book. I enjoy reading books that are similar to this one. Excellent job with the plot!

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Excellent!

Aside from a few grammatical errors, which could be fixed using grammarly or other grammar, spelling, and punctuation website, it is well written. Helped the reader get to know the main character in the first few chapters and that's an important part when writing a book.

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A well thought out plot

I have chills just from reading the prologue. I love the story so far!

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Awesome job

I've only read the first chapter, but I already love the book! I love how much detail you put into the character's emotions, surroundings, etc. I look forward to reading the rest of the book!

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Definitely going on my reading list!

I love the plot! I also like how relatable your character was to me, and introvert. You really let the plot flow smoothly. I really enjoy these types of romance books. There were a few minor grammatical and punctuation errors, so I would suggest either having someone proofread it for you or use an app or website designed to check spelling, grammar, etc. I use Grammarly on my laptop, you can find it in the app store and it's free to download.

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