Where are we going?
So firstly, I realize this is a rough draft, so congrats on having the courage to put it out online for eyes to see!
While you have a good narrator you often change your tenses, which threw me. For instance you talk about a past event and then throw in a word that's present tense. So keep an eye out for that. :)
Also, what is the premise of the story? It's hard to gauge what this is supposed to be about, as it tends to fly all over the place with scenes from the past and names that sometimes seem half rushed through.
I'm definitely intrigued with what the brother and girlfriend were arguing about! Also, just curious, why is one of the things that could have easily been a paragraph highlighted in bold font? Or was that a typo?
Keep it up, and maybe put what this story is about in the description box. GOOD LUCK!