The Silence is Lifted
I began this story with the understanding that it was, in fact, a story that had been completed. It wasn’t until I saw a comment with a question similar to my own that I understood that it was an excerpt from a much larger work. As a result, I would like to address this work from two different perspectives...
Read the story now
As an excerpt, I would love to have read more chucks as it pertains to the prologue and the blurb. Both rich and deep in language and complexity, the majority of this work contains wonderful slice-of-life interactions without much mysticism. It is eluded to in the prologue and blurb but doesn’t make its way into the storyline with much oomph until very late in the book.
As a standalone/solid teaser/finished type of work that would lead me to buy a larger book, the introduction of Grey seems unnecessary as it is written. Leaving them to only pass in mention (through the healer maybe) or see him following Hayden or simply the unexpected black eye would have been sufficient to indicate that much bigger things were happening in the world (as indicated late in the book as well). The complete change of perspective to Grey far into the book popped me out of Aleida’s story and the prologue and epilogue only briefly tied in.
The prologue felt exceptionally long compared to the bite-sized chapters.
It’s only because I’m not sure where you want this particular book to stand- excerpt or “complete” work that is a larger part of a series- that this mark is given.
I absolutely love the idea of this story based on the blurb. The blurb, however, only slightly gets touched in these 27 chapters. On their own, separate from the blurb, this book could stand on its own with a few tweaks- other than the incident with Haden, Grey did not overlap with Aleida and could have been omitted from the work; it holds the beginning of enough mystery on its own without him. While I understand the larger work focuses much more on him, this work does not, and adjusting the blurb from her perspective only may be more effective from a readership standpoint if you are simply looking for feedback/readership.
The blurb, prologue, and early chapters seem to have been written in a slightly different way to the rest of the book. (richer word choice- i.e. fewer “to be” verb usage and fewer adverbs) These chapters feel more heavily edited. That being said, I personally enjoyed the author’s writing style in later chapters as well. Easily read with a nice mixture in sentence length and complexity. Emotion, humor and descriptions played a wonderful part in creating atmosphere and world-building.
As previously mentioned, the early chapters feel different from the later chapters. Grammar in the early portions is spot on, but much more complex and heavy. Grammar in later chapters, although similar, are nonetheless effective from a binge-worthy perspective. Punctuation seemed wonderfully spot-on throughout the book. Well done.