M. Anthony Willett

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The “Biginning”

I agree with some of the other reviews I’ve seen regarding the first chapter. It really doesn’t seem necessary, as most prologues. I know I sound like a hypocrite since I utilize a prologue in my own story, “Husky and the Wolf,” but in mine you’ll find that the story really isn’t complete without it. I get that you want to set a vague tone for the reader, but, personally, I was just confused. Just jump right into chapter one; that’ll save the reader some confusion. Also, there were some distracting grammatical errors and tense shifts that were, to me, significantly distracting. Beyond these, I saw potential in your plot. Keep writing. 👍

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Satisfactory

The story is a bit cliche. The characters feel paper thin, because you have your stereotypical flawless male role who seeks only the lead female protagonist (no one this perfect exists; get real people). Also, I don’t feel like I’ve connected to any of the characters. Rania’s foster siblings - the ones that actually like her - are like twelve and they have a maturity and wisdom that seems to surpass Rania’s. They also seem interchangeable. Like any of them could say something and I wouldn’t be able to decide who said it without the “he said/she said tag”. Also, Amanda is too much of a b****. I don’t think anyone like that actually lives and breathes anywhere but in a sitcom. All in all, I haven’t finished the book, but something about the story has me hooked, so great job. 👍

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Very nice!

I’m not obsessed with poetry, but I listen to popular songs. That counts as poetry, right? 😂 Anyway, there were a lot of big words. I didn’t have time to look any of them up, but I feel you’ve painted a good picture of this mysterious existence we call life. In my personal opinion, I think you could’ve spaced those complex words out a little better. For a while, I was reading thinking, “Oh, I understand,” then it’d just be some word I didn’t know like every third word, and I’d be lost. I did not include this in my star review, however, to reduce bias, as I know I should just Google the words and move on. Very nice 👍

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Tokyo Girl

Okay, so the idea was great, but there were some issues that made the novel hard to read. The first is your tendency to tell instead of show. I don’t remember any specifics, but I seemed to remember a lot of narration suggesting the protagonist’s emotions. Don’t just say a character is sad. Instead, say something like, “She frowned,” or “Tears began to accumulate in her eyes,” depending on the level of sadness. You also incorporate a lot of what’s called “on-the-nose” dialogue into your novel. You can type this into any search engine and get a ton of sites that explain this pretty well. Overall, I think readers will enjoy your premise of two competing journalists who live in the same apartment. I mean, if that’s not drama, I don’t know what is. 😁

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Hilarious!

I’m not usually a comedy reader, but I could relate to this as a fellow introvert. Really, I consider myself an ambivert since I can be quite extroverted in certain situations, but I have had my fair share of “poop emergencies.” 😂😂😂

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Wonderful!

You are literally Erin Hunter. I don’t know if you’ve read any of the “Warriors” books, but the atmosphere of your storytelling and even some terms such as “tail lengths” for units of measure and “moon cycles” for units of time are remarkably similar. Overall, I was just excited to see that anthropomorphic animals (not werewolves) can still be the forefront of a dramatic tale. I was disappointed that my prediction that the cats and the owls would work together to fight the dogs didn’t happen, but you have left that possibility open in a potential sequel. Well done 👍

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