apsararodrigo

An aspiring author and melodramatic cybaby

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Great

This story has quite an interesting premise and I would love to read more. I really loved your writing style. However, I saw a few technical errors that can be fixed while editing

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Great

I really loved the detail and the writing style in this book. I did see some grammar mistakes but that can be corrected while editing.

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Good

I really loved your plot and characters. Good job. I did see some technical errors but other than that I really loved this book.

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Good

I really loved this story. The dialogue was amazing. However, I did see some technical errors which can be dealt with while editing. Overall, good job.

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Great

I really loved how you have told a tale in Pakistan I have never read books based in Pakistan before and this book was a real eye opener about the culture and life there.
However, I did see some errors in punctuation and paragraphing which can be fixed when editing.

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Amazing

I really loved your story, especially because it tackles the theme of racism . I loved all your characters. especially Miss Ross. I did find a few technical errors but that can be solved while editing.
Overall, good job.

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Amazing

This story was really breathtaking and I would definitely want to read more. However, there were many technical errors which could be fixed during editing.

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Great read.

I really loved the opening of the story. You really are off to a great start. The plot seems so interesting that I am eager for the next update.
However, I did notice that your sentences are super long. Some of them are entire paragraphs and that can discourage the reader. I'd advise you to vary your sentence lengths.
Also, I noticed a few grammar and punctuation errors, but as this is an ongoing novel I assume you would get to the editing once your draft is finished.
Overall, I'm impressed and I would love to see more of your work.

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Has potential

I really loved the fact that you have used the themes of lgbtq+ rights in your story. I think it brings a positive message to all readers so I'm impressed. I also like the way you have emphasized the fact that there are school's that are discriminatory to individual's in this community. I would have preferred if you specified the time in which the character's are living in, however, I understand that this is your first chapter and there is room to do that later.
However, I did notice some grammar and style issues which you can correct after editing your book.
Overall, I think you have potential. Good job.

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Intriguing

I loved the fact that you have centered your story around Islamic culture. It is a refreshing new change and would be useful in bringing a positive message in a world filled with Islamaphobia. I also loved that you have opened with a wedding. It leaves your readers with so many unanswered questions about their love story which I am sure would be answered in chapters to come.
However, I was confused about the Islamic tradition in weddings. My ex-boyfriend was Islamic and I know that in Islamic law a women does not sign or give her own consent but her marriage certificate is signed by her dad. However, I understand that this may vary from culture to culture.
Your story was amazing and the only reason I have awarded you four stars is because of a few technical errors that I noticed.

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Great

I really loved the plot of this book. I love dark romances and this book was amazing. I did find a few technical errors but those can be resolved through editing.

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Good

I really loved the plot of the story. It sounds intense and exciting and I can't wait to read more.
The only reason I am giving this four stars out of five is because I saw some major technical errors. For example, I realized that you don't separate paragraphs when a separate character speaks and that your paragraphs are too long.
However, I do want to read more of this. Good job

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Satisfying

I must say that I really loved the idea of someone falling in love with a member of the janitorial staff. It was a fresh perspective and I loved it.
However, I did see a lot of issues with grammar and style, such as the overuse of adverbs. Those issues can be fixed while editing.
Overall, I really like the concept and I'd love to see where this goes.

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Great start

I can't really comment much since there is only one chapter before but I see you have written a great start. The tone is nice and confidential and I loved it.
However, there are a few typos and punctuation errors which I think can be fixed.
Overall, I did think this was interesting and I would love to read more.

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Loved it

I really love this book, especially because of the memorable characters and plot. I did, however, find a lot of style and grammar errors which you could fix once you edit the book.

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A good start

I really loved that you used multiple POVs to tell your story. It really shows that you can tell a story using different viewpoints and voices. I found no errors in plot either, so well done.
However, I did find quite a few punctuation and spelling errors which can be corrected when you are editing you're book.
I also wish you set the scene before advancing the plots. For example, you could have described the boarding school a bit more and given us a basic idea of what the rules of the house was. These sort of things can help the reader adjust.
Overall, I really liked this book and I can't wait to read more.

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A good job

I was really impressed by this book. To be honest, this is not really my genre but the beautiful storyline sucked me in. Your characters have a distinct voice and I loved that.
The only thing that did concern me is the length of your paragraphs. It didn't bother me much but it does put of many editors in traditional publishing houses.
Overall, your story does a good job and I can't wait to read more.

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A good idea

I really liked the way you named your title after the main character. It just emphasizes how special she is.
However, I felt like you could improve on the dialogue between the characters to bring out their chemistry. Another area for improvement is definitely punctuation and grammar. I did notice a lot of errors in your story, however, they can be corrected once you've begun editing.
Overall, I do think your story is a good idea and I would definitely like to read more of your work.

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Incredible

Your writing style is so amazing. It is really similar to that of Nicholas Sparks and I'm impressed. I love your use of rhetoric and this first chapter is so promising.
The only reason I graded your book four stars instead of five is that there are so many punctuation and grammar errors. If you edited your first chapter, no reader would be able to point a fault in it.

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Good

I read a good first chapter and I can't wait to read more. I really loved the representation of the lgbtq community and I think the story is off to a great beginning.
However, there are a few punctuation errors which can be corrected when editing.

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Good work

I really like the story and of course, the characters. It is very rare to see a character like Damian as a protagonist and this immediately sparked my interest.
However, I did find some errors in punctuation and grammar which can be worked on once you edit the story.
Overall, it is an excellent work of fiction and I cannot wait to read more of your writing.

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An unique piece of literature

I really love your flawed main character. It is a refreshing change from all those perfect fictional characters who conquer fiction. Your plot is also well done, and although I don't read this genre, I must say that I was hooked.
However, you do have several technical errors which makes the book hard to read.
Overall, I would recommend this to anybody who loves anti-heroes and a good story.

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A good read

I was fascinated by your writing style and the fact that you have brought out such an engaging novel.

There were, however, a few minor grammar mistakes, which can be gotten rid of by editing.

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Great

The novel had a very engaging plot. Keep up the good work. Aside from a few punctuation errors this really does seem like a masterpeice

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Great

I really loved this novel. The plot was incredible. However, I did find a few grammar errors.

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Amazing

I really loved the plot and your writing style. This story is amazing. Keep it up

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Great

I really loved the plot. And your writing style is really good. Keep it up.

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Amazing

I really loved your descriptions. You write really well. Keep it up.

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Good

I really love your plot. I also love your characters and the way they have been developing. Good job.

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Amazing

I really loved this story. You're writing style is amazing. Keep it up

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Love this

I really loved your plot and your writing style. Keep it up. I did see some technical errors but those can be fixed while editing.

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A must read

I really loved the way you have captured the character's traumatic past. You've done a good job. I'd recommend it to everyone who is a fan of fine language and deep fiction.

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Great

I really loved this story. I wondered if it was inspired by 'The Yellow Wallpaper' and I really loved the themes of mental health. I also enjoyed your writing style. However, I did see quite a few technical errors which can be corrected when editing.

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Amazing

I really loved this book. I loved the imaginative plot and the dialogue. However, I did find some technical errors which needs to be fixed.

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Amazing

I really loved this book, especially your writing style and plot. I'd love to read more of your writing. Keep it up.

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Amazing

I really loved this book. I loved the language and the imagery. Keep it up

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Amazing

I really loved this story. The plot and the dialogue is amazing. So were the characters. I did see a few grammar errors but those can be fixed when editing.

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Amazing

I really loved the plot and the characters. Your story is amazing. Keep it up

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Amazing

This book is so amazing and detailed and I love it. You should consider publishing this

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Good

I really loved this. The plot seemed really interesting and I can't wait to find out more. However, I did see some grammar errors that made it difficult to read.

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Good

I really loved this story. I liked the romance between the two characters and I think this is a great read during pride month. However, I would prefer if there was showing instead of telling.
Other than that, the chapter was perfect and I would love to read more.

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Amazing

I really loved your writing. It's impressive that someone so young wrote something so advanced. I really liked the plot and the narration. Your story has an unique voice. I saw a few technical errors but those can be fixed while editing.
Overall, good job.

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Good

I really liked this story. The writing style is amazing. I found some technical errors but they can be solved while editing.

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Great

I really loved your writing style. Keep up the good work. I saw no errors in plot either. However, there were some technical errors, especially in paragraphing. That can be adjusted once you start editing your novel.
Overall, good work.

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Good

I really loved this story, especially the strong and engaging plot. However, I did find a few technical errors which can be solved while editing.

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Good

I really liked the story. However, I did see some grammar and punctuation errors that can be dealt with while editing.

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Good

I really loved this story and I hope to see more updates soon. However, I did see errors in paragraphing and punctuation which can be corrected while editing.

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Amazing

I really loved this book. It was interesting and different to what I have read so far. However, I did find some technical errors which can be dealt with when editing.

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Good

Even though I am not a fan of this genre, I really did love your story. Your plot is beautiful. However, I did find a few errors in punctuation which you can correct when editing.

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Good

I was really intrigued by this story and I really do hope you update more chapters soon.

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Great

I really loved your story. It was unique and the plot was brilliant. Good job. However, I would have preferred a little less backstory in the first chapter. Also I found some technical errors which can be corrected when editng.
Overall, I really liked this and I would love to read more of your work.

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Amazing

I really loved everything about this story. Can't wait to read more.

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Good

I really loved this story. One of the reasons I did is because of the strong and tough characters. I look forward to reading more.
However, I did find a lot of punctuation errors which is why I gave you four stars out of five for grammar and punctuation.

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Amazing

I really loved your story so far and I can't wait to read more of your writing. I really loved your characters too.
However, I did see a few technical errors which can be corrected while editing.

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Great

I really loved your first chapter. The language flowed well. However, I did notice that you have overused adverbs. Try replacing them with stronger verbs.

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Great

I really loved your story, especially because you've focused on the LGBTQ+ community and I really loved your characters.
However, I did see several errors in punctuation and grammar which made the story a little difficult to read. Overall, good job.

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Good

I was hooked by your writing style. It was beautiful and captivating. You did have a very good story going on too.
However, I felt like you spent a lot of time on the facts of the situation and not on world and character building. It did seem like reading a fact sheet than a story.
I also saw few minor punctuation errors which can be dealt with when editing.
Overall, you've done a good job.

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Loved it

I really loved this story and I would recommend it to anyone who is a fan of fantasy. However, I did notice a few technical errors that need to be edited.

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Loved it

Even though werewolf stories are not my type, I really loved reading yours. I liked the plot and the characters so much.
However, I did see grammar mistakes which can be fixed after editing.
Overall, good work.

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Good

I was really shocked by the brutality of the two character's father's. You have portrayed their personality's well and that's great. And I really love the dual POV. It engages the reader..
However, I did notice quite a few typos and technical errors.
Overall, I do believe this story has potential and I would love to read more of it.

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Amaing

I loved this story and I really loved how the character's actions are explained by his past trauma.
However, I was confused because a young boy who is young enough to listen to fairy tales understands what rape is. I didn't think this was practical.
Overall, I really loved this story and I would recommend it to other reader's

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Amazing

I really loved this story. Tammy's struggles hit me on a personal level and I really felt for her. I also loved the dual POV's that made the story all the more interesting.
However, I did notice some minor grammar errors that could be dealt with while editing. And I also felt that there was too much backstory in the first chapter. You could have conveyed her past better through flashbacks and dialogue.
Overall, I really enjoyed your book and for the reasons stated above I have awarded it four stars.

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Great

I was amazed by your writing and your descriptions. However, I did see a few minor technical errors that can be dealt with when editing.
Overall, good job

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Great

I really love the strong protagonist. I think this story passes the Bechdale test and I'm amazed. Apart from some grammar errors, I saw no flaws in it. Good job.

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Intresting

I really loved the mythology on the Egyptian god's and also some foreign mythological references like King Arthur's sword.
However, I did see some issues with tense. You seem to be switching between past and present tense, which was confusing. I also noticed minor punctuation errors.
Other than that, you have mentioned a simile about Frankenstein. If you read the classic novel, you would know that Frankenstein is not the monster but the scientist who made him.
Overall, you've done a good job and it has left me hooked.

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Good

I really loved your story, especially it's depiction of India and it's people. I have always wanted to travel to India and after reading your descriptions of the 'mango trees and the bungalows' it made me want to carry out my plans.
I also really thought you had a very engaging plot.
The only flaw I saw was that you tell instead of show, which is why I have given you four stars for writing style.
Overall, I really liked this story and I would love to read more of your writing.

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Amazing

I really love this story, especially the depiction of the lgbtq+ people in the world. I love how you have described the struggles they go through. It is a perfect read for pride month.

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Great

I loved the plot and the fact that you used dual narrative. You have a great story going.
However, I didn't understand how Isabella seems to have a comparatively healthy relationship with her parents after they were abusive. I grew up with abusive parents and I can tell you that kids who do grow up with abusive parents have a lot of bitterness towards their parents. I also didn't like how Isabella excused her mum's hitting her as a 'Mexican parent' thing. Abuse is not okay in any culture. Abuse is abuse and I am sure Mexico has a beautiful culture that does not tolerate this.
Further, I also noticed a few grammar errors but those can be corrected while editing.
Overall, I did like this book and I hope to read more of your work.

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Good

I really liked this, especially the first chapter. I saw no technical errors and I would love to read more of your stories.
However, I did notice that you used telling rather than showing in certain areas, which is why I have given you four stars for style.
Overall, I was impressed and I would love to read more.

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Promising

Okay, so since this contains only samples it is going to be difficult for me to get a clear picture of your story and review it. But I'll try.
Your plot sounds very good and relatable. I especially liked the fact that your character has his own struggles. It makes him sound human.
I also found no technical errors which is very rare unless the manuscript is professionally polished, so I applaud you on that.
However, I did find that you tended to tell instead of show. It was apparent in the first two samples. And you've also given too much backstory which can sometimes bore the reader. It is due to these reasons that I have awarded it four stars out of five.
Overall, I did enjoy this book and I loved reading it.

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Great

I really loved this story. The writing style and the plot were perfect. Keep it up.

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Great

I really loved your world building. Even though I am not a fan of fantasy, this intrigued me and I'd be following this book.
I also liked your opening sentence. Keep up the good work.

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Amazing

I really loved your descriptions. It really stood out to me. I also liked your characters. Lexi and Levi are very well-rounded.
However, I was concerned about the length of your chapters and paragraphs. It seemed too long.
Yet, this was a very good read and I would love to see more of your work.

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Amazing

I really liked your beginning and I was intrigued. The writing style was amazing. I am not a fan of fantasy, but this is genuinely a good book.
Keep it up.

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Good

I really liked the fact that you have reversed the gender roles in the cliché bad-boy trop.
However, there were certain style and punctuation errors that were apparent in the story.
Yet, I do believe you have potential and I'd like to see more of your work.

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I am confused

Reading your book, I really appreciated the fact that Arpit has a past. It brings depth to his character and also may explain his behaviour.
However, I was really confused about some aspects of the story. The main character seems to have a good relationship with her father but he seems to be cruel by not letting her go out on her own. Does her dad have a personality disorder or a mental illness that makes him act like that? Or did he have a bad experience that made him so weird?
I also didn't think that an employer would refer to their employee as 'my child'. First, if she is legally able to hold a job she is not a child and second, it doesn't make sense.
And I also noticed several language issues and issues with punctuation. Some of the sentences were written in incorrect English. If English is not your first language, then I totally understand and I'd advise you to get your story edited.
However, I do believe that your story has potential and that it could be a success.

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Good

I'm not an erotica fan but I really loved the way you focused this on two women. It really is supportive of the lgbtq+ community and I really love that. I also lo that you have used a woman of colour, which is implied by 'mahogany skin'. I really think this is a fresh, new take to erotica.
I did however find a few repetitive words and errors in punctuation that could be corrected when editing.
Overall, this was an interesting read and I would love to see more of your work.

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Good

I really loved your writing style. I am generally not a huge fan of mystery novels but I just couldn't put this book down.
I noticed a few typos but those are unavoidable even in the best of manuscripts.
Overall, this was an incredible read and I would encourage you to consider submitting this book for traditional publishing.

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A good start

I liked the way you described the characters. I did feel like they were relatable and human and that's amazing. However, I did find a few errors in punctuation and style. I noticed that you overuse your adverbs which to a publisher could mean poor style.
However, I do think this book is off to a good start and I hope to read more of it.

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Love it

I admire the body positivity and self-love that was apparent in your poems. I think its very important that literature dives into them. I think you've done a good job and I will be waiting for more updates.

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Amazing

I really did love the concept of the story. It seem like an unique and good idea. I also really loved the characters. They were unique and memorable in their own way.
I did find some technical errors but I understand that this is not the fully edited version of your story so it's totally fine.
Overall, I think you've done a good job.

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Interesting

I really loved the title of the book. It is so funny and it gives great promise. I also liked how you've involved the reader in your story.
I am not a fan of erotica but I must say is an interesting read.
P.S - there were a few errors in grammar.

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Good

I really loved your story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
However, I did see some grammar issues and a few paragraphing issues. You should add another paragraph when a different character speaks.
Overall, I really loved your character and I would love to read more of your writing.

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Good

I really loved the writing style. Of course, I hadn't read the first book but I thought that this was incredibly well done. Keep it up.

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An amazing start

I loved the first chapter. It intrigued me and brought out the relationships between the characters. Good job.
The only thing I can point out is that there a few technical errors, like the use of confront instead of confrontational. But those can be corrected once you edit.
Overall, you've done a good job.

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Incredible

I really love how you bring life to your descriptions. Your language is amazing. Keep it up.

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An excellent read

I started reading your book and I have to admit I was hooked. I really loved the characters and I think that this is a story that everyone should read.
There were however some errors in punctuation which needs to be dealt with through editing.

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GOOD

I really enjoyed reading your book. The characters are breathtaking and the plot is incredible. However, there were many mistakes with regards to style and grammar. Editing would correct them.

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Amazing

I've enjoyed reading your book and I honestly can say that I have nothing to criticize. I loved the characters and I enjoy your writing. Keep it up..

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Good

The first thing I want to mention to you is that your title is already taken. Safe Haven is already a novel by Nicholas Sparks and should you decide to publish this, you may face copyright issues.
Other than that, I saw a few errors in style and grammar but nothing that is too bad.
Overall, your book was an amazing read with a beautiful plot and I want to see more of your writing.

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Good

Loved the plot and characters. I really like the way you have brought life to a whole different culture. It definitely is intriguing.
However, there were several issues with punctuation which could be corrected while editing.

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Great

I really did love the dialogue, it seemed so realistic and relatable. However, I did see some technical errors and I also noticed that you tell rather than show, particularly in the first chapter.
I was intrigued by the character of Nathaniel and that as one of the main reasons I enjoyed the story. I hope to see more of your writing. Keep it up.

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good

I really liked your plot and your characters really are memorable. There was also a lack of noticeable technical errors which was amazing.
However, I think your world building could be improved. I would have preferred to discover the world along with the characters and not read an encyclopedic description on it.
Overall, your book shows promise and I would love to read more of your writing

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Good

I really did enjoy the plot of the story. I found no problems with pacing and characterization either. However I did spot some technical errors and some issues in style. For example, you described the characters appearance through first person narration. People are generally not preoccupied with their appearance unless they are self-conscious or looking at a mirror or etc. First person narration usually concerns itself with the internal monologue of the character and his/her observations of the world. This sounds unrealistic.
However, I really do think your story has potential and I would le to read more of your writing.

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Good

I did like your plot and your characterization which I felt were very well done. However, I did fins several technical errors which made the book hard to read.

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Impressive

I really like the dual narrative approach you have taken and it really helps the reader's understand the characters a lot. I also like your use of a socially anxious character to tell your story as the reader's get an exclusive viewpoint of his thoughts and interpretation of the world.
However, I have noticed that you tell instead of show which can be ineffective when expressing the characters thoughts and feelings. Further, you have used dialogue without indicating who is speaking which can sometimes confuse readers.
Overall, it is a good book and I definitely enjoyed it.

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A great story

The start of the story really got me hooked. I loved the fact that you opened with some dialogue. It makes the story unique and refreshing. Another thing I loved is your perfect technical skills. You had no noticeable errors and I commend you for that. And after going through your profile and seeing that you were eighteen years old, I have to say that your work is advanced for a young writer and I am impressed.
However, I also noticed a few issues in style like the use of adverbs and the lack of description. I also realized that you tend to tell rather than show, which can have a poor impact on the reader.
Yet, I was impressed by your dialogue and the distinct voice and speaking patterns of your characters. I also thin that your story is very relevant given the current issues in the world. Overall, reading your book was an amazing experience and I look forward to read more of your work.

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A good attempt

I have to commend your lack of technical errors which makes your novel easy to read. It shows me that you have done your editing and proofreading so keep up the good work.
However, I saw some major character contradictions and their lack of motives. Why does the lead not want her parents money? Why is she the way she is? Is there any development in the characters. The lack of inner monologue is what concerns me about this story.
I also feel that you should give your characters a distinct voice which they can showcase their personality. This way the reader can fall in love with, or at least empathize with your characters.
I do appreciate the novel as a whole and I wish you nothing but the best.

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An interesting read

The most refreshing thing about this story was the intelligent heroine. Intelligence is an attractive quality for any character and you have nailed it. I also enjoyed the Harry Potter and the Jane Austen references since I, as well as millions of readers, are huge fans. Another plus point in your novel is your style and technical skills. I found no errors.
However, it was very hard to believe that Morgana accepted the fact that she is a demi-god and that her teacher was a Greek deity with no doubt or skepticism. . I haven't read fantasy novels other than Harry Potter, but I doubt the protagonist is so quick to accept the existence of the supernatural.
Another flaw I found in this story is the exposition. The story begins on an everyday school day as is the case in many YA novels. This lack of originality could make the reader lose interest.
However, this book was an interesting read and I enjoyed it.

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An interesting outlook

I must say I admire the POV.. The story told from the first person and in the voice of a supporting character was really refreshing.. Keep up the good work.
However, I did spot some issues in grammar and style. For example, you should always use separate paragraphs when a different character speaks and try to use adverbs sparingly. I also noticed that some plot points differed from Rowling's original story. If this was intentionally done, then it was an interesting alternative.
My only suggestion would be to make your narrative a dual narrative because some parts of Rowling's original story take place when Hermione is not present.

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Ambitious

I really liked the plot of your novel. I am a huge fan of historical romances myself and I was so excited to read yours.

There are, however, a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes that could be improved through editing. You also have been mistaken with tenses.

Overall, your novel seems off to a great start.

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Good job

I am usually not a fan of fantasy, but this novel was both engaging and entertaining.

Your plot flows smoothly with only a few minor errors and your character development is amazing. Keep it up.

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Great storyth

The novel was a really great book, with only a few errors. Keep it up.

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Incredible

This is the first time I have read a book of poetry and I was pleasantly surprised. The poems were beautiful and emotional. Keep it up.

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Interesting

I really loved the idea of the story and it seems like you have a really good plot. Aside from a few grammar mistakes, it seems like the perfect read.

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Good job

The novel makes a very interesting read. There are a few minor grammar mistakes, yet overall, it is a good read

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An interesting read

This novel definitely has an interesting plot that traps the reader's attention. We are left wondering about Valerie's mystery illness. I really like your descriptions and imagery. Your use of rhetorical questions also captivates the mind of the reader. Well done!
However, there are some errors in grammar which you need to look out for.
Overall, you have a very interesting book and I can't wait to read more.

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A great read

Your writing was amazing with an engaging plot and fascinating characters. There were however a few concerns regarding grammar and style.
In short, it is a great piece of literature and I cannot wait to read more of your works.

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Interesting

I really liked the way your characters are people of colour. Unless I am not mistaken, they sound Indian and I despite not being an Indian myself, your story made me have an appreciation for Indian customs and lifestyles.
However, I did find some major issues in terms of style and techniques. There were a lot of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors.
There were also aspects of the story that I didn't understand. Why did Priya's fiancé propose to her father (you have mentioned that he proposed for Priya's hand in marriage from her father) i was wondering if Priya really did have consent in this.
Also, if all the guy wanted to do was have sex with Priya, then why did he marry her? Surely if all he cared about was sex he could have just hooked up.
Overall, getting to know a different perspective to erotica was an interesting experience and it definitely had me hooked.

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