Ashtyn Emerson

Great start!

In background use the word “in” instead of “on. It makes more sense to say “in my eyes,” instead of “on my eyes.” Also, I think your transition into the story could be something along the lines, “My name is Maria and death has been knocking on my door for some time now, and has finally taken matters into its own hands. If you are still lost don’t worry, you’ll understand soon enough.” Or something like that. As far as your actual story goes, you have some minor punctuation errors. I strongly recommend looking into “ginger” or some other spelling and punctuation website to help spruce up your work. I think your work has major potential and can become something great! Keep writing!

Absolutely love!

I just finished the second chapter and am completely captivated! I love your story line and characters! Definitely going to continue reading! great work!

Intriguing

From what I've read, it was well written and I love the plot. Keep it up.

GREAT start

This is a very unique concept! I've never read anything like it and am very intrigued! I am anxious to know what happens next! Keep up the awesome work!

Great start

I absolutely love this! I love the dynamic of each character, and how it feels like you are there feeling what they are feeling. I do have one question however. Are Kyle and that guy(forgot his name, I apologize) who saved him friends? Other than that I think this is great! Can't wait to read more! :)

Great work!

I really enjoyed reading the first chapter. I really connected with your characters and could see everything you described in my mind as I was reading, I really hope you continue, because I see this being really great!

Hard to read

This was really hard to read, but in many ways I sympathize with a lot of what you said. Although I can only imagine the emotional scars that you were left with after experiencing such trauma, I want you to know that what happened isn't your fault. I know what it's like to not feel loved by a parent and feel like a worthless piece of garbage, but I've learned that seeking forgiveness from the person that hurt you will only hurt you more. It's only when you seek forgiveness in yourself that you start to feel better. What happened to you does not define you or hinder you from who you want to be. Great piece though. Definitely felt my emotions pulled in every direction.

Keep writing and remember that when it comes to your dreams, the sky's the limit!

very descriptive!

I read the first chapter and absolutely love the imagery and character development in your story. Although I spotted one minor grammar mistake, it is absolutely flawless and definitely a story worth reading. Great work!

Very poetic

I loved this very much! I didn't want it to end. I could picture everything you were saying and it was magical. Great piece.

Has potential

This has a lot of potential to become something truly great! It just needs another glance over and a little polishing, but I think you are off to a great start! I can't wait to read more. Keep going!

Great start

More! More! More!

Oh my gosh I have absolutely no words for this! This is definitely different than anything I've ever read, and I mean that in a good way. I was engaged from beginning to end, and I hope you continue this because I would LOVE to read more!

Can't wait to continue reading!

This is very intriguing, insightful, and just overall a very entertaining read! I like your character development and the effortless flow of your story. Can't wait to read more! Keep up the great work!

Great twist to a classic!

I love what you did with a classic fairy tale and put your spin on it. Your story flows very nicely and I like the sarcastic remark by your character at the end. I can see this becoming a great story and can't wait to read more! Keep going! Also if you are ever interested in doing a reading swap I would love to read more of your work!

Great read!

Great start! Can't wait to read more!

This is a great start! I love the concept and can really see this story going somewhere interesting! I can't wait to read more!

Very powerful

As I was reading this, I was pulled in every direction. It was a very powerful sentiment. I have respect for people who do poetry, and you definitely have the knack for it. Keep it up!

great start!

Love your writing style and I love the dynamic of your characters! Keep it up! I see this becoming really great!