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GJFreeman
Atmospheric
Don't pay much attention to the 3 stars for punctuation, grammar etc. This is a work in progress so I'm effectively ignoring any issues in that regard. I'm guessing that when complete and fully edited, there'd be another 5 awarded.
There's poetry in here. The author clearly has a large vocabulary which he uses to grand effect. Metaphors which set you thinking rather than simply absorbing as you go. I like the writing style and the way the plot hustles along. Never a dull moment. I wouldn't have the first idea of how to get into a teenage girls head and even if I did, I doubt I could express it as well as these pages do. The way Diana deals with appearing normal when clearly she knows she isn't is cleverly done. Other characters are separate entities, all thought through and crafted onto the pages. I'd like to see this finished.
