I love Alice's curiosity and her appreciation for great authors. ( i love Edgar Allen Poe) Grammar needs a little work, and that's me speaking for myself too, not just to you. Maybe you could give a little more details about the past. Like if they received any warnings or if they chose to ignore tee upcoming apocalypse. Maybe name a couple of countries that were totally wiped out by the impact of the asteroid. This will give the story a little more flavor and more realistic.
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I also felt as if the story needed some holes filled in. Again, talking to myself as much as you, I know my story probably has a few holes in it. Where did her dad go to medical school? How was he able to go to a medical school when everything was supposedly wiped out? Where did her mom learn how to sew? How did she learn how to design clothes?
I like the talk of how things would have been had the asteroid not crashed into Earth. Birthday balls, gowns, fancy cars, castles, and marrying a prince one day. I wish you would have given more details about how things used to be. Like her grandpa telling her stories about how things were before the impact. Talk about the balls and what it took to be a good king. That it doesn't just mean you get to do what you want.
The relationship between Prince Jack and Alice feels rushed. They meet and then a couple of chapters later they are in love. I think the readers need to see more dialogue and body language between Jack and Alice. What makes them compatible? Show the blossoming of a relationship by showing us a little bit of the friendship first. I think they have a great thing going, just wish there was more detailing of it. More of a build up.
Dystopian societies are so hard to write about when you have things like The Hunger Games that are such a big hit. You capture the future dystopian world brilliantly. Very few people and all having to fight for survival. Mention more of the limited resources. Those kinds of things give juicy details to the story and make people understand the desperation of truly trying to survive. Why you have to move from place to place. Why you have to protect what small possessions you have left.
You have such a good story. The sinews and muscles are good, they just need to be fleshed out a little more and I think you will have a huge success on your hands. There was something I missed as I was reading more of your story. When she finds out that the government escaped to Apollo, where was her emotional reaction? Did she get angry? Did she scream and throw things? Did she curse them? I know she later says they deserve what they got, but that initial reaction is missing.
You are very talented and I couldn't wait to read more of your story. You took a good amount of time to think up your characters and how they act around each other. That actions and reactions are amazing. This wasn't a story you just threw together, I can tell there was a lot of work that went into it. This is almost a Darwinism thing too, only the strong will survive, but how can they do so without resources? I love that they are farmers, I'm from the South so farming is pretty dominant around here.
You keep up the good work on your story and if it were to ever get published I would buy it. Your imagination is so vast! I'm kind of jealous! :) Keep up the good work! Love the story!