Simple and Lovely
Read the story now
-Cloyd and Laura's chemistry.
They are overall cute to read about. I like that they really love each other and it's not difficult to find them likeable. A good romance story. That's really rare to find these days.
-Overall good conflict
I like what Euthanasia is about. They don't have an easy decision to make and they've already been through a lot. Even the ending is a strong one and with slight editing, it's going to be something that'll bring your audience to tears.
What I'd change
-You'd rather have one good moment between the two than ten very short moments that ultimately don't go anywhere. Remember every second of someone reading a story counts.
Possible fix. Rather than the entire backstory which has moments that are too short, either edit it and make it longer or cut it and spend more time with his last day, even if it ends up being shorter.
-You could make it slightly tighter in some areas. I think the pacing is fine with some editing but there are moments that run on for too long in my opinion. The overall displays of affection are lovely but having them that frequent makes the entire story feel ordinary.
Possible fix. Areas where the two are doing things they've already done a second ago, let that go. They were kissing a second ago and they're doing it again? Cut it. They were talking about how much it hurts a second ago and now they're doing it again? Cut it.
-You could try rearranging some events to add emotion. Take for example his death after pulling the plug. That's a moment you give more time to allow gravity.
"That night, when Lora asked Cloyd for permission, he gave a
simple nod. Looking back, Lora should have said something, anything in response.
But she simply nodded right back and held her tears. The doctors arrived and
for one brief moment, Lora saw his eyes, perhaps even more blue than they've ever
been, and he breathed his last. Those eyes now watched over her from another world,
and she felt safe. Even as she stood at his tombstone years later, Laura Cloyd
Fernandez, now a mother of small children in a rescue center, could only smile.
"Love you, my love."
Something like that. Otherwise, your story is really good. I liked reading it.