Captain Snail

Trying to make good content.

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Great promise!

First off, I picked this up because the summary sounded interesting, so good job on writing a summary that hooks the readers' attention. The cover also looks pretty cool :)
What stood out the most to me about this story is the superb suspense building- each sentence is packed with tension, and delivered at an appropriate pace to maintain attention but not be too boring.
You also do well with descriptions. They paint a clear picture, yet aren't too excessive. Nice use of figurative language.
However, what was slightly off-putting for me was the abundance of grammar mistakes and strangely delivered dialogue. The dialogue itself is realistic enough, but the characters' speech isn't separated at all when someone new starts talking, so it gets very confusing. In general, I think some of the paragraphs could be spaced out better. The grammar needs some corrections, particularly in the comma and conjunction area. This could be easily fixed with some revisions, though.
As for the plot, it's unique and intense, which I like. It's got layers, but not so many that it becomes confusing. I will definitely continue reading this as you add chapters to further delve into this intriguing story.
Your writing style is easy to understand and generally well-rounded, but I did notice an abundance of "to be" verbs. You should remove some of these to make your writing clearer and more direct. For example, if you have a sentence like "she was sitting in the living room," it would be better to shorten it to "she sat in the living room" by removing the extra "was." (Of course, this doesn't apply to all sentences. Sometimes "to be" verbs are necessary and improve the writing)
Lastly, your characters. Each one of them is perfect for the start of a novel, but don't forget to add developments, flaws, and general uniqueness to them. For a book that's only partially complete, the characters are great and understandable. As you read, you definitely develop a bond with them., just make sure to eventually work some developments in there.
Overall, I found this book to be a promising start to something that could turn out seriously amazing! :)

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Wonderful first installment!

This book is everything you could want in the first book of a series! It's vivid, descriptive, and beautifully written, with an intriguing plot and well fleshed-out characters. Actually, the characters especially stood out to me. All of them have unique personalities and backstories. I like how none of them are portrayed as "perfect heroes", each with their own flaws. In fact, the question this poses is: are they heroes at all? Their morals seem questionable at times, yet they're all so self-aware. This can be difficult to pull off, so great job on that front! I'm certainly curious about what happens regarding the Fates, and how they can help the Monarchs against Ari.
As for things to work on, I think that, while the prologue was interesting, it was a little confusing since so much was explained at once. Also, during the character introductions, you say what their personalities are, but this could be better shown through their actions rather than just describing them. This doesn't occur much, though, so it's kind of a minor nitpick and I won't take off a star on the overall rating just for that. Plot-wise, I would say those are the only two issues. There are some grammatical mistakes, but those can be fixed easily.
I think this book is an exemplary novel of the fantasy genre, and I'm so excited to continue reading the story in the second one!

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Attention-grabbing

I'm not exactly sure how to review this because it's a true story, but it was certainly interesting. I like how you're willing to share your personal experiences through a short story. The writing style is kind of informal, which I'm not sure if that was intended or not but it read like a blog post. Still, it was cool to just read some casual life experiences, and I think that a plot for a fiction story based around this could be cool.

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Gripping

This is another one of those rare Inkitt novels that feel professionally written. Your descriptions, dialogue, characters, and action are all spot-on. While I enjoy the genre, I haven't read many Westerns, but this one is absolutely thrilling.
Some things I would suggest are to make Sam's chapters a little longer because he's such an interesting character, and personally I would love to see more from his point of view, and maybe split up some of the longer paragraphs into shorter ones to make them easier to read.
The diversity and in-depth development of all the characters are such an adventure to read. Each one is so unique in personality and backstory, yet somehow they work perfectly as a group. I can tell that this story revolves around the characters, and while reading about them is wonderful, I would make sure to balance the plot and the character stories a little more, particularly later on. Right now there's 14 chapters, and the main plot itself is just getting going. Of course, I don't know what you have planned for the rest of the book, so feel free to ignore my advice depending on what your intentions are.
Overall, this book is enthralling and incredible. I will definitely be looking out for more updates!

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Unique!

This is one of the most unique fantasy stories I've read. I love how it's told in a futuristic setting but still reminiscent of modern times, more fantasy should be written in this way. The characters are very well-developed and interesting to read, each with their own distinct personalities. I also love how the story switches perspectives; this can be unnatural sometimes but it flowed really well in this case. The thoughtshots are fascinating, too. They give great glimpses into the characters' minds without being out of place or info-dumpy.
In my opinion, stories don't flow as well as they could when they're written in present tense, and it was kind of strange to read from the present. I get that some people prefer present tense, but it's a little off-putting for me personally.
You have a knack for descriptions, and while they are very well-written, they can be a little excessive sometimes, particularly when describing places like headquarters or apartments where the characters spend most of their time already. I would also be careful with repetition of descriptions like hair and eyes, because you sometimes use extra adjectives to describe things like that, where you've already described them before.
One last thing is that you should proofread and revise a bit more, because there were some cases where two points of the story contradicted each other, such as Saffire's age when her parents died. There were some grammar mistakes, too, although they were sparse.
Overall, this book is captivating and attention-grabbing. I hope my feedback was (somewhat) useful, and I'm very excited to see where this goes!

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Realistic and thought-provoking

Building up tension in something so short as a flash fiction is no easy task, but you've managed to perfectly capture the tension in a scenario like this with so few words. The short, direct sentences are perfect for this, but I think they could be made even better with more strategic italics. I see that you have plenty of well-placed italics already, but maybe italicize more one-word sentences like "Again." and also split them into their own paragraphs for greater emphasis. This is just a personal preference, though.
The word choice and the dialogue at the end is perfect, and the descriptions of the dishes and the music are extremely vivid, so great job on that. I think the summary should be shortened significantly or removed because it introduces a lot of information that is never really touched on in the story. Besides, flash fiction doesn't need a long introduction.
Aside from that, awesome job! You've captured the essence of flash fiction perfectly in this story!

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Captivating!

This is not the type of book I would usually read, and given that it's a children's book, I wasn't expecting much with the plot or characters. However, this definitely exceeded my expectations! From the start, I couldn't stop reading. The characters are so charming, the writing style is very pleasant and sweet, and even though the plot was fairly simple, it was exceedingly appealing. One of my favorite parts about this book is the LGBTQ representation, which is so rarely present in children's books, and all books in general.
The grammar mistakes were abundant to the point where it was a bit confusing sometimes. Most mistakes lie in the lack of commas and incorrectly used possessives. The dialogue was well-written, but sometimes it was unclear who was actually talking because the speech paragraphs were so short. The one issue I have with the plot is how 50 sorcerers weren't able to defeat the king and his army two years ago, but only a dozen sorcerers could defeat the same army in the story. I get that they were waiting for the sorcerer in the prophecy, but it just seems unrealistic when you look at how powerful the sorcerers were, and how weak the army was.
Even with those issues, this is still a fantastic story :)

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Decent

The idea for this is fantastic, I liked how the switch-a-twin thing played out. Up to the part where Vivian went to Maddie Dale, everything went perfectly and maintained my attention. The last few chapters were also amazing (and cute). I loved the ending; it was pretty much perfect. However, the middle section was a little too long and drawn out for my liking. There was a lot of unnecessary drama, Vivian's stupidity was annoying to read, and a lot of scenes were just so ridiculous and over-dramatic. The dramatic scenes is just my personal preference, though. I'm not crazy about scenes like that where they're so ridiculous that they become unbelievable, but maybe someone is. However, I did like the characters quite a bit. They were very diverse and interesting to read about. Some parts were a little cliche, but they were still better than most high school love stories. There were also quite a few grammar mistakes, but they weren't so bad that they took away from the story. Overall, I think this definitely has potential, but it does need some work to make it really great.

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Beautiful

I've never read anything like this before. The writing style is so mystifying and poetic, and it really entrances the readers. The tone makes me feel like I'm at someplace like the cover, I don't know how else to explain it. Perfect grammar, fascinating characters, and an intriguing use of Irish colloquialisms. I don't know too much about Irish culture, but this was pretty eye-opening. Though there's only five chapters at this point, the book seriously captivated my attention. So excited to keep reading! Incredible job!

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Promising start

For a story with only one chapter so far, I think it's pretty attention-grabbing. Hellä getting thrown out as the first action that took place definitely works well and makes the reader wonder why she got thrown out, and how some Gates were able to send her flying. Brishan is an interesting character and I'm excited to find out more about his relationship and backstory with Hellä. I also appreciate your use of vivid figurative language and descriptions of scenery. The one issue I see right off the bat is that there are quite a few sentence fragments. I realize that these were probably included for emphasis of certain points, but I find them a little excessive and sometimes even unclear. Other than that, this is a fantastic start, and I can't wait to read further! :)

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Intense, vivid, incredible

While I was reading this, I forgot that this was an Inkitt story and felt convinced that this was a professional work in disguise. Your descriptions are so vivid and gory and truly appeal to all five senses. The grammar and writing style are perfect, and the characters are diverse and detailed. This story exemplifies the "reluctant hero", you don't see some random dude like Hal as the main protagonist of a story like this too often. The antagonists were very well-developed and fascinating. Overall, one of the best Inkitt books I've read, top notch!

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Nice ending!

That ending was certainly a plot twist! I won't spoil it for anyone reading this but it was definitely unexpected. For what it was, the development of the story was also good, even though it's not really my type of thing. Joplin was definitely an interesting side character. The wording was repetitive sometimes, like "his long legs taking long strides" and the part where she woke up excited then got ready excitedly. I think the word choice could have been better by using more descriptive words and specific verbs rather than describing a generic action with adverbs. Other than the word choice, nice story!

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Cute Yuki Yuki!

I'm not usually a fan of high school stories because they're often cliche and unrealistic, but this one is really good! The characters are cute, relatable, realistic, and believable. It's a really cute story overall, and attention-grabbing. For a story with only three chapters so far, it's great that the readers get hooked so easily!
There are quite a few grammatical errors, however, such as misplaced commas and missing italics. They aren't so prevalent that they detract from the story, but I would still recommend fixing them.
The introductions of the characters were also slightly confusing because so many were introduced at once. I recommend having a slower introduction, but not so slow that it's boring.
I love the fact that you included cats, they're honestly underappreciated. I mostly clicked on this story because cats were in the description, and I wasn't disappointed!
Overall, great story, plot, and characters, just work on the grammar. :)
(PS The cover is super cute!)

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