The blurb was interesting and I loved the sad but beautiful and emotional opening of the story. I was really drawn to the characters, waiting to know what happened next. Although the second and third chapter kind-of threw me off balance,
Read the story now
I loved how your writing improved with successive chapters. The name ‘Hera’ is striking and sounded Indian for a moment to me (Since I am from India, I know it is a common name). The chemistry between Ace and Hera unfolded nicely and I (personally) love nothing more than a bad-boy character. The tempo of the story is skillfully maintained as well and that’s a great point for a writer. Your characters are well developed and seem to balance each other out.
Now, I’d like to suggest the following as part of my honest review for the story.
- Grammar and editing, obviously. Being a writer myself, I know it becomes so much challenging to re-edit chapters again and again. I am sure you’ll get better with practice.
- Since the chapters are not from a person’s POV, work a bit on the narration of the atmosphere and characters in the initial chapters. A good balance of narration and dialogue really helps to grip the story easily.
- When you’re writing dialogues, write the quotation followed by XYZ said/asked in the same line. Don’t break them into paragraphs. Eg. "I don't care," he snarled and walked out.
These are completely my suggestions and opinions. I feel this is a wonderful story and the characters have a lot of potentials. I am definitely going to read the rest of it. Great job!