christopher_daniels

Somewhere, U.S. Don't worry about it.

A young writer who drinks alot of tea, reads too much, and watches alot of YouTube. Need something reviewed? Just ask. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

No published stories yet

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Chapter 1 - 6 Review

So the book has its moments where you can really relate to the characters, and the characters are very intriguing. However, the main element that drags this book down is that it tries to be scary way too fast. As a fan of everything related to the horror genre, I can tell you that some of the best parts of horror stories is the build-up and getting to know the characters before everything becomes complete chaos. If you were writing a zombie story or a serial killer story, it would make sense for the build-up to be this rapid, but for a story about a demon (or ghosts), it should be gradual. The rapid build-up could make more sense if the chapters were a bit longer (about 500 more words and more).
Also, the demon isn't really described enough. If you're going to write a horror story about a demon, It's really important to get into detail about his appearance. That's how you creep out the readers. In short, I feel like if you added more detail about him, you would get the kind of scares you are going after.
I also question the motivations of your characters. I'm not sure why the writer buys and checks out her own books or why she would agree to go out on a date with a complete stranger. You should dig more into the psyche of your characters. It could make the audience sympathize with them more.
Grammar and Punctuation is alright, but I noticed a couple of errors you should probably fix. You don't have a lot.
Overall, your book has great moments, but you really need to create stronger motives for all your characters and bring out the horror. Don't let this discourage, though! The best writers are the ones who never stop writing!

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