I like the start of the story, setting up a story without being able to give the reader any background info is difficult. I felt the characters bitterness in the narrative.
The young girl character did not seem consistent, though,. At first she seems to snarl at Jail Girl but then comes across as very innocent later. I liked the first person narrative but was kind of thrown off when the narrator "broke the fourth wall", speaking to me (the reader) as though I were a character in the story. Perhaps that will play out later in the story but for me it was distracting.
There were a couple of dropped words but since I'm not a technical guy I really can comment on punctuation, etc.
Overall, it's a really interesting start and premise.
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