Cindy Lou Harvell

Read what you would like to write, Write what you would like to read. Write to please yourself and share with those who have the same tastes. [email protected]

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FAbulouS

The opening of this story hooked me. I am only at chapter seven and fully intend to keep reading until the entire story plays out. Every scene was enticing, building on each other to round out the characters and the plot. The characters are immediately likeable and realistic. The dialogue is realistic. The descriptions are concise, pull the reader in and touch their senses with what is happening around them. There is happiness, sadness, humor, romance, all subtly woven into the prose, sprinkled throughout is foreboding, waiting for a shoe to drop. This is a well crafted story, devoid of fluff and yet full of emotion. The writing skills,, grammar, punctuation, spelling and sentence structure are wonderful. I look forward to more from this author.

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Interesting

Great start. Intriguing plot. The characters are interesting. The grammar and sentence structure could use a little tweaking. I don't know where this takes place but if you want more realism, doctors don't work in ambulances. Paramedics and EMTs do. Still an awesome story. Keep going.

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Racy

Overall this story is engaging, realistic, addicting and well written. The Punctuation and spelling need some improvement but the content of the story is so powerful that this barely slows you down. The writing style is good, it is clear who is speaking, thinking, acting. I think it could do with a little less telling, there is a good bit of wordiness that really isn't necessary. The characters are well developed. There is a naturalness in the escalation of the abusive behavior and the acceptance of the victim that make it authentic. The writing makes me feel uncomfortable and angry for the victims. I want to shake them to awareness, to lecture them, and some of these characters I want to slap silly. When you have created emotion for your reader, you've done something right. I want to know what happens next. I want the MC to win and to win big.

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Sweet read

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. The writing style gave it an olde timey feel. The plot was great, the characters full flavored. The writing was awesome.

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I think it would sell

I died laughing reading this. I chuckled and spewed coffee all over my keyboard. Good thing I had some baby wipes handy. I so loved this, I plan to share it in our Facebook group, Word Crafters. Thanks so much for the giggles.

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Interesting

This sounds like an excellent beginning to a story. It does set up for the next chapters. It has a lot of intrigues, foreshadowing and leaves the reader wanting to know more. I think a few small things would much improve it.
1. Start with action. You mention a place crash- This would be a great place to do a flashback to introduce your inciting incident- Michael is sitting somewhere drinking a cup of coffee when he sees a plane out the windows leaving chemtrails across the sky. He drifts back to when mom told him dad was dead and described all the emotions he went through when he began to keep a journal of his thoughts on his wall.

2. Show us what happens. Don't tell- this is sort of back story stuff here, and it doesn't all need to happen here. Sprinkle some of that background info throughout the story- show a scene with the MC doing what you said.
3. You head hop a little. Read up on POVs and make sure you stick to one type. When you change POV, separate it, preferably in a different chapter.
Great start. I will continue reading and give you an over-all review when I am done.

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Pure gold

Everyone needs to read this. I never even heard of a vanity press until I began joining writing groups in Space book (Facebook). I had little interest in publishing with the big publishers either. I don't think my writing is that well crafted -- yet. I published in Kindle and in Inkitt because I just wanted my work -Out there so others could offer me some feed back, so sales and reviews would tell me something about who my audience really is. I am hopeful I am learning enough with my first book that my next one will be a best seller, they make a movie of it, publishing houses will snap it up, I will become rich and famous. Just joking. I just want to enjoy knowing somebody is reading my work and not falling asleep in their cereal. Thank you for your story.

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Confusing

I realise this is a children's story so perhaps I am expecting too much but I found it to be very confusing. It isn't clear who the main character is besides a name and a place she lives... or does she? Is she a ghost or is she real. The POV goes from third person to first person- quite a leap. The other girl in the story comes out of no where and it almost feels like she is imaginary. The is no sense of reality here at all. The characters are vapor-like, having little personality. This feels like a ghost story but that isn't clear. There are hints in the summary of this young girl saving something or someone but that doesn't seem to really play out. Maybe if the plot were stronger, the characters more fleshed out. Having some significant action, scenes that show who the characters are and what the story is about would be helpful. It leaves more questions than anwers which is fine for a beginning, but nothing seems resolved. Keep writing.

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Poignant

This writing is poetry of the soul. Undoubtably it embraces the feeling of depression. It would be wrong to say that it doesn't convey that depth of emotion one feels in the depths of depression and I realize it is a poem, not really truly prose to be judged as a novel. I would like to offer that it has more potential to delve into the darkness of pain and fear of survival. I can feel the wont to say more, to dig deeper and I believe the writer could make that happen by letting go and revealing how they cope with the world in a stronger more viseral way. Climb inside the abyss and BE the darkness, accept the torture of helplessness in a more profound fullness. I want to see this evolve from victim of darkness to survival of self, becoming a strong warrior through the fire of being truly alive, in the embracing of the shadow self. Keep writing. I feel you struggling to be your whole self.

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Refreshing

Where do I begin? The Summary was accurate and well written. The Plot clearly defined and easy to follow. The characters full bodied (pun intended) Each character was distinct and well rounded. The writing style was wonderful. I got the whole picture in each concise well crafted description. Early on each character was described physically, with a clear personality, and their role in the plot. I saw clearly what the characters wanted. There was precious little fluff, each paragraph carried me on to the next plot point. The action was concise and not over blown. It was clear when there was backstory and it was introduced carefully so that I could see the necessity of it. Each chapter left me wanting more (cliffhanging refusing to let go) The technical skills were nice, Grammar and punctuation were delectable. Could it be tweaked, certainly, but I was very much impressed with the skill of this writing. Great Job.

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Engaging

Even though the Grammar and English leave much to be desired I know this is because English is a second language. Even so the writer managed to have well rounded characters for the most part. I was able to get a feel for their personalities, their wants and desires. The Summary was well done, explained what I would be finding in the story and encouraged me to engage with the story. The plot followed along with the Summary. It was easy to see the goals and crisis of the main character. I feel the writing style could be improved by less telling and more showing. The writer tells us what is going to happen then shows it again in dialogue. I feel the dialogue and dialogue tags convey enough of the storyline, emotion, etc without telling more outside of the actual action. Over all the story is engaging. I like the main character, I want to know more about her. I like that it had a realistic quality and the dialogue is authentic.

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Good plot

The Summary for this peice was extremely well written. It made me want to read the story. The plot is good, it draws a line, point to point, following the summary. The grammar was excellent, with only minor issues with misused words or spelling. Between the Summary and the Plot I really wanted to read a deep story here about this girl struggling with her abuser and racial bigotry. I was disappointed that the story was difficult to follow as the characters were introduced in such a way that I feel no attachment to any of them. They are rather flat and really didn't make me want to know more about them. The action scenes left me wondering where I was and who said what. The dialogue didn't feel very realistic to me. I would love to have been pulled in by more emotional connection to the main character but I just couldn't as the scenes moved so quickly to the next scene that I wasn't able to get a handle on what actually happened. I think this could be a much more engaging story if there was more showing and less telling. I'd like to see the author take more time to develop the relationships of the MC to those around her. I want to like her, I want to know more about her but she seems to bounce around between people like a pinball in a permanantly tilted game. I think this piece made an amazing premise for a story that could have an great impact on a reader. I hope that they will be motivated to go in and add more depth to their characters.

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Well done

I have to admit that when I began reading this it was a slow beginning. The writing skills are unquestionably up to par. I found one tiny plot hole, which certainly didn't pull me out of the story. I found each character to be well drawn, giving me a feel for each one in turn. The writing style is concise, well thought out, and clearly shows what is needed to get across the information needed. The Plot was a bit slow in building. It seemed as if the character profiles were barely introducing a plot until chapter 6. I am engaged with the story throughout, more because of the strong characters than the actual plot. I look forward to following this story for twists, turns, and depth that I am now sure I will find. Bravo.

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Interesting

I haven't finished reading this yet. I am on chapter 3 and have to say it is intriguing. I feel like it jumps tenses a couple of times and it rushes through what could be more fully explained about his hearing changes. I am going to keep reading.

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Not enough

Great read, very hot. I want to read more. Needs some spell check but nothing too bad. I am irritated this isn't finished. Get to work.

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sloppy

Poorly written. Lacks authenticity. No reality to be found here other than the actually brutality of the rape. Major plot holes.

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Great potential

The plot is interesting. The punctuation is good, with minor errors that seem like typos, not lack of skill. I feel there was too much telling, where a scene could show more action, the characters could be fleshed out and show more personality.
The story would, in my opinion be more engaging if the characters were more fleshed out. As it is I don't feel much connection or sympathy to the characters. I think the writer has great potential for improvement.

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Good story

Overall I thought it was a good story. It stayed on track, It was wordier than I would have liked, more telling than showing but I feel the characters were well rounded and realistic.
I liked the plot - it was strong and straight forward
The writing style was a bit unusual for me. The POV showed everything, every thought and action which I feel might have been a bit too much. It didn't leave anything to the imagination. I think it might have been a better story if it were only from one POV.
The writing skills as far as Grammar were decent. There were minor spelling errors but not bad.
I look forward to future writings by this author as I believe he will be stronger with practice.

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Bravo

This is the third story of William's that I have read. This one is my favorite. The Feud was great. Very emotional and funny too. The Kid was good. This story is stellar. I am so impressed. Thank you William for sharing this with me.

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Worthy

This story started off a little slow for me. Because I have read Mr. Nuessle's stories before, I know this is one of his earlier works. So I knew it was going to pick up, which it did. Chapter two got my attention and held it. The characters are well fleshed out and believable. The plot was sound. By Chapter three I couldn't stop reading. I was completely engaged with the story, wanted the The Kid to win the girl of his dreams. The realistic plot guaranteed nothing of the sort. This is an emotional read. The morals in this story are high bar and inspiring. Thank Mr. Nuessle for sharing your considerable talents.

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Needs work

Clumsy use of language.

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