A Good Read
To begin, I don't think that the first review of this story was fair at all. Based on the popularity of this story, I would say the one-star review hasn't done much harm, but I still felt the need to address it. Now I will do my best to be constructive.
Read the story now
I liked the concept of this story. I found it compelling in its take on demonic possession. The demonic voice felt written with relish. I also appreciated seeing the effect of the possession on the family. There was real compassion there clashing alongside the joyful cruelty from the demon. I cared about what happened to the characters and was invested in what happened. What was most interesting to me were the passages about the mechanics of demonic possession (very clever and original) and the effects it had on Sally and her family. Nicely done.
However, I wasn't quite sure what to make of this story in the end. Is this a story about a possessed girl and her family or is this a-day-in-the-life-of-a-demon story? I'm not sure because of the narrative shift of the last two chapters. The shift in structure threw me off.
Also, I think the story runs too long & that the action starts too slowly. To me, the prologue serves no purpose. I also believe other passages that need cutting. My attention also wandered a bit when the demon was pontificating. Reading what the demon thinks about religion, human vulnerability and other issues is okay, but these parts run too long. They also didn't really move the story along for me. To be fair, almost all writing (including this review) can do with some cuts and overall, the story is very strong.
This was definitely a good horror story and well worth reading.