CorkyBookworm

I'm a full-time college student who loves to read and lives to write.

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Little Dragon

The plot was thin, but cute and the idea of a miniature dragon was adorable. I wish you had put a little more detail into the creature's description and eased into the transitions a little. The story seemed to come from nowhere and ended abruptly, but it was charming as a short story as opposed to a grand epic novel. There were a few grammatical issues that you should fix. I wanted to know more about the girl. Who was she? What did she eat for dinner? What kind of books did she like to read? How old was she? Things like that. Also, I wondered if she didn't look at the wounds on her finger sooner to see if they were still there. Why didn't Mom notice them? If so, is that not another indicator that what she saw really happened?

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Chapter 1

Full disclosure, I read about half of the first chapter and no more. I think you know what you want in the story, you know the plot you have in mind, and you sound like you have a pretty solid grip on your characters. But it hurts my head to read through it. The technical issues are holding this story back. With some proofreading and maybe a good beta reader, this would be much easier to understand and much easier to read. I can't get past the tense changes and the grammar to make a solid judgement on the style, plot, characters, and setting. You have potential. Don't give up. But please find a beta to help you revise and edit.

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Awww!!!

First of all, awww! That was so sweet!!! You really pegged the voices of the characters. I loved the banter between Chet, Frank, and Joe. It was like the originals, classic. The story line was sweet and well-paced. The chapters felt really long, but I'm probably just tired cause it's late. Overall, I really, really enjoyed the story! I hope you write more soon!

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Nice Start

This is marked as complete, but you only have a first chapter here. You don't even touch on what the blurb advertises. The story has kind of a cliche start, but your blurb promises more originality and uniqueness. I hope you consider expanding this one day.

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