C. Swallow

Fantastic, keep it up! 🖤

You're a very talented writer and please keep creating, as you know how to paint a picture with words ;) which is what a lot of authors struggle to do! I'd reccomemd this story to romance and fantasy lovers 🖤

Wow! Intriguing :)

I really love it because you clearly have a passion for the story and writing so I know the ideas are going to keep unpacking into something beautiful and entrancing! Keep up the great work! x you have a natural talent and you should keep working on it! x

Review

Hey girl so I read 5 chapters. I can tell you have the story well planned but you need to maybe practice going with first person point of view, I have a feeling it will fit your writing style better, if it comes from the eyes and mind of the protagonist: Jasmine. I would focus on making chapter 3, 4 or 5 the introduction. What I mean by that is its totally okay to start chapter 1 in the action. And try to make it in the eyes of the protagonist if you can! I suggest just trying it for fun, don't be worried if you can or can't do it just try ;) trust me it's way easier than third person! Make sure to add in what Jasmine feels towards these boys, it would give the story the one thing its lacking which is emotional connection so the readers can bond with your characters. I can read names being listed and I'm told who is who but it's better to practice 'show don't tell'. This is a very common error for first attempts. Practice writing an action scene while avoiding over explaining the background details that aren't important yet. Focus on Jasmine's emotional state and how she feels and how she sees these boys and the party! And practice starting a new paragraph everytime someone else speaks!! You have all the imagination down pat, now you need to paint a picture slowly, don't rush and focus on one thing at a time. It's all practice makes perfect, you got this !! X

<3