Pros and Cons of Descendants
The author has done a wonderful job of crafting the visual experience throughout this story. Each scene is easy to picture and adds a depth of immersion. The author has taken great care in crafting a background/history/origin for her paranormal creatures, primarily vampires and demons. While the overall storyline is solid and well thought out there are a few issues with this work that require the author's attention. The first and foremost of these is Repetitive Emphasis. Unfortunately, from the first chapter right on through to the epilogue this is an issue. A point of dialogue or introspections will be repeated several times for emphasis. While the sentence structure is different the message conveyed to the reader is the same over and over. Repetitive emphasis is like salt. A little goes a long way and over much of it will spoil an otherwise well-written work. This often leads character motivations to feel overly dramatic and thus cheapen an otherwise tense or touching moment. There is far less of this in the 2nd half, however, as more action takes the place of dialogue and introspections. With this aside, the other issue is POV. The work is clearly 3rd person omniscient however is written primarily as 3rd limited. Instead of utilizing the full power of the omniscient point of view the reader is thrust from one head to another then back again. To the reader, if you are looking for an interesting paranormal story with a few good twists and you should give it a read. To the Author, I highly recommend picking up a few NY times best sellers that are written from omniscient and using them to refine your style. Also, Jerry Jenkins has resources of self-editing, cutting and sentence crispness that I believe you would find helpful. Keep up the great work and never stop writing!
Read the story now