Great, captivating story
As soon as I started reading this I became drawn into the story. I noticed one or two grammatical errors but nothing worth giving a bad score over. I found the writing style to be very flowing and natural, and even though some big words were used, they fit in and I found the text easy to read. I like the detail that you have employed in your descriptions and I like the concept of your world. I like the protagonist especially; very cool character and he seems to have a lot of depth to him.
Great read, so far! I will continue reading and possibly review again in the future.
As the title above suggests, I think your story is brilliant, given that I have only read the prologue. However, I am sold that it is a good story. I am compelled to read what happens next, which for an author is a desired reaction from a reader. Grammatically there are a few faux pa's there and there but most of the groundwork has been done so an editor who picks it up shouldn't have much work to do. Personally, I think you need to paraphrase and work on your paragraphing more. Try divide new thought processes into new paragraphs. If you think that the next line deviates from the previous line of thought then start a new paragraph instead. Do I think someone else should read it? Yes, definitely! Especially if you like a very long read. That's a good thing.Read the story now
I like the fact that it's poetic. But, you'll need to make this story into a more narrative form. Maybe, use the poetry to build the concept for you and then write as you would a proper story or novel. As it is, it reads like a poem, which, if you think about it, is not something that fans of erotica...fancy. I'm a poet too, so try not blur the lines. If you want to write erotica, then write erotica. You can't be too cryptic with erotica, because erotica is about describing erotic scenes, and appealing to the part of one's mind that is visual, or at least able to visualise. Women especially, get no satisfaction out of looking at erotic imagery, but describe it to them in the finest detail and they are sold. Anyway, I like it, and that's just my piece of advice, from one writer to another. I hope you don't take it personally, and I'd like to read some of your other poetry, if there is any.Read the story now
That Ghoul Ava - Review in kind
a very well-thought piece of writing. Initially I thought the author was a woman because of the sincerity of the words; no offence. As I continued reading I became more and more impressed. If this in fact a novel or novel-to-be then I recommend it to all to read. Highly descriptive and deep with humour to take the edge off. It also has a degree of "humanity". There is a great deal one can relate to in this storyRead the story now
Note from a rival competitor
I like the story, I like the characters and I very much like the writing style; you have a way of building up the excitement with your words alone, ie paragraphing, and using one sentence now and then between paragraphs that signal a clear change in dynamic to the previous paragraph. The protagonist is likable and 'human', in that she battles with cultural diversity daily. This brings in an element of empathy to an otherwise difficult story to relate to; that of a detective. For who can really say that they relate to such a situation, unless they are in fact detectives themselves? The 'bad guy' is described to such an extent that he is not pigeon-holed into that stereotypical antagonist category that most villains seem to end up in, yet he is unique and 'dark' enough to be taken seriously, very seriously. Grammatically, there are minimal hiccups, which I'm sure you will correct before it's completion, but otherwise I find no problems with your story. I have not read the first book, but will most certainly make the effort. 'The Bluebell Informant', however, manages to stand strong on its own, and I would recommend it to anyone who is fan of thriller and mystery. Gripping stuff.Read the story now
Raw and unfiltered....and worth reading..
Awesome read! really like the use of profanity and well slang words that are used, because as we all know, and all should know, that is exactly how people speak in the real world, and if they don't speak it, it's how they think it. Huge fan of the 'no-holds-barred' writing style, and if I'm to point out anyone in this contest that I recognise as a true adversary it would be this....in terms of subject matter and writing style. Give my novel a read if you can: Tales of Kalash PART I: Uncensored Chronicles of the Inappropriate. It's also in the Grand Novel Contest. Nice work, worthy contender!Read the story now
Very well-written and captivating
I found this story to be sincere and real, despite it being a fantasy. There are things that one can relate to and it feels as though when reading it you are growing with the main character. She has faults like all people and is aware of them. I like the narrative style; its adds a sense of urgency to it that blends in well with the plot. I hope this will be a full-length novel and look forward to reading more. I recommend this to anyone who likes fantasy and adventure, and if you like female protagonistsRead the story now