Hi! I figured I'd review your story and so far I rather like it! The plot is rather intriguing, I must say. But there are a few spots that could sound better reworded like this one.
Read the story now
- out-of-the-way booth would sound better if you were more descriptive, saying something like "The two men were led to a little booth tucked away in a corner, the red, plastic-like covering cracking from years of use as the foam on the inside poured out like caramel. The table was clean but had gum stuck underneath it, the once brightness a little bit darker." See? Description is key which you seem to do well but seem to fall short when it comes to surroundings and the atmosphere of the book itself.
But you seem to do well explaining the emotions and mindset of character without outright doing so which is always amazing to see. But your style with describing things other than people could use a little work. Trying looking at a favorite book and how that author tackled describing. Maybe you can get some inspiration!
Say, don't tell is one of the best things to remind yourself when writing. Don't tell someone what a character did, saw, say it. Instead of typing for example, "Nayleth was nervous, She was fidgeting as Sully laid in front of her, a long cut running down his neck and blood gushed out. He was dying." Something along the lines of "Nayleth kept biting her nails, her hands shaking as well. Sully was bleeding from the neck, too much to keep control of with her magic. She didn't know what she was going to do and that was a big issue." Explain whats happening but don't out right tell people. But sometimes doing just that it good, just know when it's best to, is all.
Otherwise, I liked the story. Captivating, in a way. I'll be interested to see where things go! Good luck in future writings!