Edge Valmond

Margate

Just someone that likes to write. Works are available on Wattpad, Inkitt, and Royal Road currently. Please inform me if you see them somewhere else. Email: [email protected]

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A Gem

Now then, since they do not have an option for halves, I simply rounded it.

Possible Spoilers: I will try not to ruin anything, and keep it as vague, but thorough as I can.

Chapter 1:

It is off to an interesting start I will say. More of a pleasantry sinking into sadness. Two children losing their parents due to a sickness, and trying to survive by keeping low about that fact. So, it seems there are a separation of classes, and more or less a division based on wealth. A sibling doing whatever they can for another. Then there is the whole royal family thing, with how if they are chosen, there can be a better life.

Chapter 2:

I understand there are different Rings, which are pretty much like the classes. Pretty terrible system to live in within all reality. However, at this point, I am keeping note of this. For when it becomes a bit more clear. Take note, I am doing these break downs as I go. So, it looks like. Ring 6 and 7? Anyway, there are certain classes that has to steal to survive. It also sounds like the magician’s are some massive power. The system is appearing more like an authoritarian if I am right.

So in the type of system that is run, it is cruel and unusual punishment. So probably within the realm of authoritarian, and on the line of dictatorship.

Chapter 3:

Alright, so this chapter is making things a bit more clear. So, those who steal are connected. Makes sense with the title of the story.

Potions overpriced? Yeah, welcome to the rip-off life of pharmaceutical. 🤨

But anyway, yeah. As one can see here, it does pretty well in relativity. So, it is like a system set into place where the wealthy has the easier life, makes sense. Those that are not have to do whatever they can. If anything, this story does well in really bringing into those emotional points.

Chapter 4:

Alright, it looks like there is an out of control pandemic. With only the highest having the necessary means for care, those lower have to rely on dangerous methods in order to survive. Anyway, this is the chapter when things appear to finally start going forward. Alright, so this is where the main gets familiar with pretty much how they will being paying for well, medication I guess you can call it.

Chapter 5:

Alright, so even on the lower end. They understand why someone would steal, and even offer food. Alright, I know I have been praising this story too much. So, let me put out one thing that got under me a bit. There was a pretty solid timeline that could have really set in a more agonizing feeling. Unless ya know, the story is supposed to be light hearted. Then, I completely understand.

Also, it looks like the prices are very inflated, and the money gained does not meet in the line of demand. This chapter is more of a heart warming one. So far though, no serious conflict. The shopkeeper I guess I can call them seems to be hiding something.

Chapter 6:

Okay, so this chapter starts out light. After a long time. Darcy and Sen are having some sort of life again. Perhaps a bit too fast in anything. However, I am going to keep open minded, and assume the magician has something planned. Val looks at the first possible scenario. 🐕

Anyway, this chapter gives a good look into something very specific. Those with so little learn to appreciate whatever they have. This honestly reminded me of something. There is a nice relationship between the siblings. This has been more of a light chapter in all, a nice little thing.

Chapter 7:

This chapter starts off light as well, and really shows siblings caring for their own. Which is something I haven’t seen often in books. Hell, this is a pretty nice point. Around this time, I can speculate Sen is going to be learning about Magic.

Alright, I am gonna assume the whole medical payback thing wasn’t an important point. However, I feel like this was a missed opportunity.

Though, it seems not even magicians can trust magicians? Guess it is like a free for all. This chapter as a whole was endearing really. Though, at the end establishing a conflict, to where I will assume all of that stealing is finally being noticed.

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Overall, this is a well crafted story. A few missed opportunities no doubt. Grammar errors here and there, but nothing to take out of it. I like it for what it is. If there is one thing though, I noticed at times the exposition lacks. Other than that it is fine. The passion is clear in this story, and I would recommend it to another.

Bonus:

Chapter 8:

As you may think, around this point is when catastrophe strikes, but it is done in a bittersweet way really. I have to say, the author really knows how to transition along into these points.

This is all there is for the review. If there is one other thing I can add to this, it is that. The characters are the high point of the story. The relationship between Darcy and Sen is not only sweet, but inspirational in a sense. You will see what I mean once you dive in.

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Pretty good

First off, I will like to comment on this style. It is unusual I should say, but it got me puzzled. Slowly getting longer, and retracting to create a level of depth I suppose to say. From what I can tell there is a division. Those pure breds are supposed to be above all else from what I can see, however. The character is not like them, due to being able to bleed. This is being looked down upon. So they try to hide it, but they cannot. It gives a good sense of norms, and how one can look down on another for being different. I do not think I noticed errors. It might just be the style of the writing, which works with it pretty well. Over all, I can recommend this.

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Rise of Almighty

I will start off to say. I like the concept of the story. Giving off a bit of a mysterious vibe I should say. Making the feeling with that woman a bit more how should I say, intriguing. Due to how she disappears. The beginning within the prologue does great to grip at the reader. However, this is where I have to stop with this. I am aware that grammar and punctuation are not your strong point. I really do feel like if you had a decent grasp on this, it can be something amazing. You already have the plot in check.

Try and remember, when it comes to dialogue tags. Periods always goes inside. Try to also remember that commas are used as a small stop. A quick breather I can say, while a period brings it to a full stop. These can also be used stylistically to bring out a bit more of a unique situation to your story.

One more thing is that, for smaller body paragraphs. If they are close together, try merging them. This way it gives the story a bit more bulk I can say. I like your style of writing, hence bringing the action within it. As well as the premise of the plot.

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Battle For The Photon Core

Now, I have read this back on wattpad. Still reading it now as well. You will find a blend of humor, seriousness, and a wide lovable cast. Grammar is on point, however can be adjusted a bit. Then again, we all need to improve ourselves ya know. Not to spoil anything to come, so head on in. 🐕

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Artistica

Overall a solid grasp. Good flow, grammar, structure, and so on. No doubt some improvements to be made, but who doesn’t need it? Anyhow, the transitioning from scene to scene goes along well, and starts to tie in the more important events. Maybe it started out a bit rough, but it quickly begins to smoothen out.

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The Crimson Treaty

The writing is clean, however, the form that is used threw me off just a bit. However, it matters not. It is very engaging. Giving a great feel for the situation at hand. The differing views, and the period at hand. The word style flows cleanly, and the story really gets one thinking. Honestly, I really cannot say anything negative about it. It progresses nicely, introduces the character well, and provides a gripping point that would really fall under morals. Great job here. ^^

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The Creator’s Bloodline

A familiar tale, honestly felt like I have read this in a mythology before. Anyway, I am assuming this is meant to be told through dialogues. However, the tag lines between transition points isn’t really a good touch. What I can suggest is removing the tag lines, and further describing the transition between the characters and conflict.

Over all though, I rather like it. It really shows siblings disliking each other. As well as Judas doing something foolish.

The second part now. There is an issue here, while this is a general information section. It feels more like a mandatory read, which it shouldn’t be. Now, if this was just additional information, it would be fine.

These are the sort of parts that needs to be expanded on as the story goes along. Now then, if there are breaking points from one chapter to the next, which further explains a bit more on each optionally. I suppose this would make it okay.

Chapter 2 now, it does much better in transitioning along. As well as, those characters each having a some sort of role from what the first chapter was saying. Life, death, etc. Judas now growing paranoid, has already ignored one of his father’s warnings as well.

As for the fourth part. It appears that Judas is either misguided, or leading his siblings astray.

As a whole, I really like this story. I am honestly looking forward to reading more. Just a few grammar errors, but nothing significant.

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Interesting

A solid flow, giving more into the depths of what life can be I suppose. Might be overthinking this. Anyhow, aside from a few grammatical errors. It flows pretty well. The words transitions the scene fluently, which complements the narrative. Giving off more of a grim feeling I can say.

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Hmmm

I guess this is supposed to be in the response to police brutality. This is a touchy matter, but I can see where this is going. Not to go triggering anyone here. So I will stop here. It is short and to the point. Does well to highlight the gravity of the situation, and what is happening.

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His Obsession

I seriously do not know why I have to type in the name of the book.

Anyway. I do not read Fanfic’s, but I will make an exception this once. Mainly because I am unusually curious with how this will go.

1. I do not have any problems with the grammar or punctuations. If there is a mistake, it likely slipped under my eye. You got this down.

2. Plot

Cannot really range this, other than it involves some hacker. You’ve done well to transition the story. I am not gonna deduct points here. Mainly because there is not enough information for me to statically make a hard decision.

3. Style

This is subjective, hence my opinion is next to irrelevant here. However, I do find it good.

Overall, from what I can see. This here has promise, and yeah. I am seriously curious how this will go. Probably breaking my own rules here, but just this once.

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