The Creator’s Bloodline
A familiar tale, honestly felt like I have read this in a mythology before. Anyway, I am assuming this is meant to be told through dialogues. However, the tag lines between transition points isn’t really a good touch. What I can suggest is removing the tag lines, and further describing the transition between the characters and conflict.
Read the story now
Over all though, I rather like it. It really shows siblings disliking each other. As well as Judas doing something foolish.
The second part now. There is an issue here, while this is a general information section. It feels more like a mandatory read, which it shouldn’t be. Now, if this was just additional information, it would be fine.
These are the sort of parts that needs to be expanded on as the story goes along. Now then, if there are breaking points from one chapter to the next, which further explains a bit more on each optionally. I suppose this would make it okay.
Chapter 2 now, it does much better in transitioning along. As well as, those characters each having a some sort of role from what the first chapter was saying. Life, death, etc. Judas now growing paranoid, has already ignored one of his father’s warnings as well.
As for the fourth part. It appears that Judas is either misguided, or leading his siblings astray.
As a whole, I really like this story. I am honestly looking forward to reading more. Just a few grammar errors, but nothing significant.