Edge Valmond

Pretty good

First off, I will like to comment on this style. It is unusual I should say, but it got me puzzled. Slowly getting longer, and retracting to create a level of depth I suppose to say. From what I can tell there is a division. Those pure breds are supposed to be above all else from what I can see, however. The character is not like them, due to being able to bleed. This is being looked down upon. So they try to hide it, but they cannot. It gives a good sense of norms, and how one can look down on another for being different. I do not think I noticed errors. It might just be the style of the writing, which works with it pretty well. Over all, I can recommend this.

Rise of Almighty

I will start off to say. I like the concept of the story. Giving off a bit of a mysterious vibe I should say. Making the feeling with that woman a bit more how should I say, intriguing. Due to how she disappears. The beginning within the prologue does great to grip at the reader. However, this is where I have to stop with this. I am aware that grammar and punctuation are not your strong point. I really do feel like if you had a decent grasp on this, it can be something amazing. You already have the plot in check.

Try and remember, when it comes to dialogue tags. Periods always goes inside. Try to also remember that commas are used as a small stop. A quick breather I can say, while a period brings it to a full stop. These can also be used stylistically to bring out a bit more of a unique situation to your story.

One more thing is that, for smaller body paragraphs. If they are close together, try merging them. This way it gives the story a bit more bulk I can say. I like your style of writing, hence bringing the action within it. As well as the premise of the plot.

Battle For The Photon Core

Now, I have read this back on wattpad. Still reading it now as well. You will find a blend of humor, seriousness, and a wide lovable cast. Grammar is on point, however can be adjusted a bit. Then again, we all need to improve ourselves ya know. Not to spoil anything to come, so head on in. 🐕

Artistica

Overall a solid grasp. Good flow, grammar, structure, and so on. No doubt some improvements to be made, but who doesn’t need it? Anyhow, the transitioning from scene to scene goes along well, and starts to tie in the more important events. Maybe it started out a bit rough, but it quickly begins to smoothen out.

The Creator’s Bloodline

A familiar tale, honestly felt like I have read this in a mythology before. Anyway, I am assuming this is meant to be told through dialogues. However, the tag lines between transition points isn’t really a good touch. What I can suggest is removing the tag lines, and further describing the transition between the characters and conflict.

Over all though, I rather like it. It really shows siblings disliking each other. As well as Judas doing something foolish.

The second part now. There is an issue here, while this is a general information section. It feels more like a mandatory read, which it shouldn’t be. Now, if this was just additional information, it would be fine.

These are the sort of parts that needs to be expanded on as the story goes along. Now then, if there are breaking points from one chapter to the next, which further explains a bit more on each optionally. I suppose this would make it okay.

Chapter 2 now, it does much better in transitioning along. As well as, those characters each having a some sort of role from what the first chapter was saying. Life, death, etc. Judas now growing paranoid, has already ignored one of his father’s warnings as well.

As for the fourth part. It appears that Judas is either misguided, or leading his siblings astray.

As a whole, I really like this story. I am honestly looking forward to reading more. Just a few grammar errors, but nothing significant.

Interesting

A solid flow, giving more into the depths of what life can be I suppose. Might be overthinking this. Anyhow, aside from a few grammatical errors. It flows pretty well. The words transitions the scene fluently, which complements the narrative. Giving off more of a grim feeling I can say.