Quality Scifi Epic
I'm not sure if this has a prequel or not, but its kind of hard jumping right into the plot. Would have loved an opening with Alex doing a little more before throwing all the terms in. Like his conflict with joining the religious order or the military could have come up in a conversation rather than him just kind of thinking it. I do this often too so not too big a deal. Its definitely a very rich narrative, lots of details to take in but that's a staple of scifi or fantasy so that works. Good descriptive language, maybe shorten slightly. Well realized characters. All in all I was satisfied with the reading and would love to see more.Read the story now
On the whole I'm enjoying the plot and the atmosphere; you bring it across like a paranoid crime thriller kind of reminds me of the Zodiac movie. Needs a bit of work on the syntax and descriptive language. Try to Italicize words with emphasis, especially if its someone's thoughts. Also shorten a little; if you can cram an extra adjective doesn't mean you should. I still do this sometimes if I'm not careful. Be careful with past and present tense; I.e. "His hands were deep down in the pockets of his coat" maybe since he's doing it as it's being narrated try "He buried his hands in the pockets of his coat.". Standard nitpicking though if you could get me out of my literary comfort zone and try a genre I've up until now not touched its a good thing.Read the story now
Post Apocalyse Dystopia sensibly done.
Kinda reminds me of Fallout 4. Very well realized characters. Leaving the creatures' explanation mostly vague was a good choice that only made them more menacing. Enjoyed the setting but would have loved for the environment and resources to play a bigger part in the plot. Also, specific weapon descriptive choice; machette's aren't thrusting weapons, a bayonet would have worked much better when she was stabbing at the creatures, although with Shep it worked great. That's just nitpicking though. On the whole I rather enjoyed it as a quality post-apocalypse jaunt. Love to see more of it maybe some clashing with rival groups would be cool but looks like more of an anti-new-order kinda thing going looking forward to that..Read the story now
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