Could Use Some Work!
This is the harshest review I've given in a very long time. Please DM me if you'd rather I message this to you instead of post it as a review. I hope this helps your book!
Read the story now
This is probably the most diverse series of books I've seen under one author: one book (not this one) is well-written and thought out, and then the one I'm reviewing today... could use some help. Here are some key weak points in your story, and what you could do to help patch them up:
(-) the book itself: On Orchid Hill is a book in the most basic sense of the word -- just a series of chapters tied together with a recurring character. It doesn't make the reader feel anything. Try to work on your vocabulary and writing style in order to emphasize the events of the story, and not make the plot feel too mainstream or nonexistent.
(-) The name of the book: not only is this story practically unsearchable (due to the tags of the story), but it also has a weak correlation to the plot. Try changing it to something more relevant, and don't just decide based on the "it sounds good" factor -- this is the doom of many stories.
(-) The characters: This feels like Little House on the Prairie 2.0, but without the characters' vibrant and diverse personalities. You use names as the most interesting part of their person, and not only does it make it harder to remember them, but it results in no empathy whatsoever for the story itself.
(-) The blurb: Try to use some problem or question within the blurb. Don't just summarize whatever goes on with the tone of a completely uninterested passerby; blurbs are supposed to reel in a reader, make them interested, not give them a feeling of passiveness and disdain. Two sentences could be enough to make a story interesting and mysterious, but one phrase about the entire plot of the story is like answering a riddle before posing it -- and who'd want to listen to the rest if they already know the end?
(-) The plot itself: Use more situations and problems -- that's all there is to say. A one-line plot is, to say it frankly, plain, and successful stories have at least more than one plot twist -- in this case, more than zero.
(-) Grammar: Some sentences just don't make sense, whether it's the lack (or overemphasis thereof) of commas or punctuation, or the time tenses not aligning, or just words not being used right, many phrases are hard to understand, and it shouldn't be the reader's job to decipher your writing.
(+) What I did like about the book was that it's easy to imagine where the people are. You did a nice job with the setting, but I'd detail it a bit more to truly make it feel like the reader was there.
Overall, this story could use some improvement. Keep working on it, but with the style I've seen with other books, it could one day become something exceptional.