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Great Start

I have to agree with Alex Rushmer on this one. When I first saw the story, I was ready for another typical new girl story, but this is definitely different and more interesting. Can you clarify for me if Helen is the aunt or just a legal guardian, because she definitely seems unrelated to them. I'd recommend having you and a couple other people go through and not only correct the typos and basic grammar/spelling errors, but also redundancies and word usage. Also, while I can't wait to learn more about Natasha, I feel we have to learn so much more about every other character and I think you could work on giving each of them more distinct character traits. Overall, please inform me when you've written more because I can't wait to learn more about the family and dad's backstory as well as see how the story progresses

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The Manor

Enjoyable read kept me scrolling through the entire story. I'd recommend taking out the words "very" and "extremely" as much as possible. Show, don't tell a little more (maybe use the passive tense a little less) and build the suspense even more.

Overall, I loved reading your story and look forward to seeing it progress

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Great

I'm only through the first chapter, but feel as though I'm reading a published book. Besides a few minor technical errors, there aren't any other visible errors and this book looks like it would be really popular if given a chance on the market

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Really Enjoyed

I enjoyed reading your story and the small details within it. I'd say the big focus for now would be for you to clear up the grammar mistakes and maybe dive even deeper into the characters emotional struggles.

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Excellent

There was something so light and soft about this story. Beautiful writing. The only things I'd say for improving would be to proofread through again and fix some mistakes that made a couple sentences a bit confusing. Also, I'd recommend replacing the word "beautiful" a few times with something more specific or an analogy of sorts.

Overall, the writing brought wonderful and sweet images into my head and kept me intrigued

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Sweet

This was my first poetry read and I enjoyed it! I don't know enough about poetry to offer any critiques, but all in all it was good in my opinion.

Though on the second to last line you wrote "your" instead of "you" I'm pretty sure.

Loved the message

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Love the Title

First off, One of the reasons I scrolled through the list of stories in the humor section and picked yours to read was because I loved the unique title that grabs your attention right away. Your characters were well described and each their own, which is the pitfall for many writers. The character development was also spot on with Nicole and most importantly, I genuinely enjoyed reading this story.

I'd suggest going back and proofreading your story and also having some other eyes do the same as this will likely catch most grammatical and basic errors. Also, there are some things repeated a lot throughout the story like Leanne's reasons for jealousy.

My main issue was probably Andrew. The reasons I understood from the story of why he and Nicole drifted was Cora, him not wanting to disappoint Nicole with Cora, and Cora wanting the wedding to be all about her. This disappointed me as through the duration of the story, this was the question I was waiting for the answer of. To me, those reasons don't explain why Andrew would forget to invite his family to all these important events until the last minute. I would love a better explanation for the drift and why Andrew waited so long to show Cora off. Obviously, if I missed another reason, please let me know.

Overall, great read which I would recommend others to read

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Havana heat

First off, Havana Heat was an enjoyable read and has a lot of potential if things get fixed properly. \

Throughout the story, especially in the beginning, things are explained and told to the reader instead of being shown. For example, when it's first revealed Sebastian lost his girlfriend, it's simply told. I personally think it would be better if it's slowly talked about between the doc and Seb.

Also, it would be helpful if the switch between scenes focusing on Melinda to ones on Sebastian were more distinguished.

The intimate scenes between Melinda and Sebastian were extremely well written. Grammar-wise you're missing a lot of commas and punctuation so I'd focus on that. Overall, a good read

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Hooked

I could not stop reading your story. I started and finished it today, which is rare for me being a slow reader. I love the plot and story and can't wait to read the entire thing.

A couple of personal questions:

-Why are they so against abortion?
-Why is Alex against adoption when he himself was adopted?

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Good Story

As a sports fan myself, I love the concept and story. I'd recommend starting by going back and maybe with a few friends to proofread. I liked how you described things the most time but would love if we got more of the character's backstories and what makes them different from each other. Also personally, I'd recommend using swear words and "ain't" a little less because they distract sometimes from the actual story

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Sweet and Inspiring

The connection and hold "Silver lining" aspect was well thought out and done. The story idea is great and inspiring, especially for those with disabilities. I'd work on adding more about the characters and who they are and what makes them distinct besides their disability. Also, a lot of the story felt like it was someone explaining certain events in their life and it may've been better to show what happened with some suspense or something. Overall, great concept and message with some grammar and other tidbits to work out!

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