Eve

Hawkes Bay, NZ

writer (noun): a device that turns coffee into stories

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

That Ghoul Ava

Typically I find Halloween-esque protagonists twee, but I found this story so well put together, my usual protests were quelled. Your deep-third narration perspective was an excellent choice—I don't think it would have worked any other way, as sharing head-space with Ava enabled me to get over the squick-factor of ghouls quickly enough in order to get invested in her story.

I loved this: “I’m sure there are a thousand things I could tell you, but I’m equally sure that, if it’s important, it will come up over the course of events.” Apt fourth-wall-penetration, for impatient readers!

I had a mental stumble at this point, though: “I’d woke to a phone call…” There's apparent tense confusion, there. (Past vs Past-participle.) I imagine the sentence would have read much more smoothly had it been either, 'I woke...' (Past), or 'I’d woken...' (Past-participle).

Also, side-query: '...I huffed a stand of hair...' and '...a long stand of drool...' Were these meant to be ‘strand’?

All up, I think the tale was very well crafted. I can't claim education or experience in its genre (that is to say, in anything Halloween-esque or similar) but my uneducated mental critic found it refreshingly diverting.

Read the story now
3rd Place in Laughable

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