G.S. Glow

I've been writing for a long time but just recently [2010-ish] decided to take it seriously!

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Love it!

I read this on Wattpad and loved it! Figured I'd come over here, show some support, and get a free copy to boot! Great stuff!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Very good!

Making comments as I read through (and back tracking sometimes):

Plot: Flying ships. Academy. Terran. Novan. This sounds like some great foundational world building. Terran and Novan are a type of student I’m assuming? The colored armbands are a great addition and I’m curious to figure out the groups each different color represents. The Kinetic Neural Amplification for the machines they pilot is pretty awesome. I'm getting a Pacific Rim vibe and that’s making me curious about what they fight in the real world.

Writing: Your writing is fairly fluid and easy to read. I did notice a few filler/unnecessary words. Example from the first paragraph: [had already pulled him away, quickly fading away...] the second away is not necessary. [“You look lost,” She stood almost...] the comma should be a period. [“My name is Alexis,” she stuck out her hand...” There should be a period after Alexis and the ‘s’ in ‘she’ should be capitalized. ‘she stuck out her hand’ is not a dialogue tag, it’s an action tag. I’m mentioning this because you do it a couple of times. [“Yea I am,” She said] did you mean ‘yeah’ – I guess it’s all the same. Don’t hold me to it, but I believe there should be a comma after ‘yea’. Also, the ‘s’ in ‘she’ should not be capitalized. http://scookiereviews.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/dialogue-marks-and-taglines.html [Though he was prepared it] – I think you’re missing a word in this sentence. Your fight scenes are awesome. I’m not usually into the fight scenes (in writing anyway) because they tend to get over described so usually I skip. I didn’t with your scenes – the robot like suits helped make it more interesting too. [Cross slammed his it against Wes’s neck.] remove ‘his’.

Characters: I like Kosu. She not only stands out with her different eyes but her personality is very in-your-face and it’s obvious she doesn’t care what people think of her. Plus, if she’s the only ‘surviving’ member of the third class because the others all quit it makes me wonder what the Terrans had to go through. If they all quit because they couldn’t deal with the ‘scornful remarks’ from the other students then that makes her the tough one because she could deal with it. Cross seems like an interesting main character too. A miner from Jiana... why is Banksy sorry to hear that that is where Cross is from? Some type of accident happened, I’m assuming. Makina is also a potentially fabulous character. Her flaws –like her prejudice against the Terrans- give her room to grow as a character. The fact that she fell asleep during what sounds like a very important test because it was too early in the morning just makes me like the potential her character presents even more.

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Top 10% in Epic Worlds

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