greenwriter

Edinburgh

Overall Rating
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Writing Style
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Eloquent and insightful prose

Two chapters in and enjoying this so far! You have a great writing style, it is fluent and eloquent and has some lovely descriptions. I really like how you build up Miriam’s character in Ch 2. Also particularly like how you end the first two chapters on short, almost cliff-hanger like sentences. These literally are page turners and makes the reader want to go to the next chapter right away.

However, I do feel like there is a bit I have narrative exposition, long paragraphs of prose. Maybe there’s more dialogue coming in Ch 3 but currently the pace slows down a bit too much for my liking.

Still, I’m really excited to see how this story develops. Good job :)

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Overall Rating
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Intriguing and Vivid

This was a very fascinating read and a great opening to a novel. The Biblical context gives an extra flavour to the story, elevating it into something more than just a regular high+school novel. The prose is concise and eloquent and reads very nicely. I love how you blend depictions of the setting together with depicting the protagonist's character. One becomes the means for another. The descriptions are very vivd and engage the senses and give you a very solid image/idea of the protagonist.
The only the thing I could see that needs improving is you use 'desperate' and 'desperately' in the same, short, paragraph. It's towards the end of the chapter. Otherwise, great stuff.

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Overall Rating
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Great Characters

This grabbed my attention right from the start. The writing is clean, smooth and fast-paced - which suits the high school/dating setting the protagonists personality. The dialogue is well-crafted and introduces the characters perfectly. What I particularly liked was how the characters were brought to life through dialogue/language rather than long paragraphs of narrative exposition. The ending of Ch 1, with the protagonist considering dating Claire, sets up the plot for the rest of the novel and the beginning for a potential conflict with mArtin. Great stuff, look forward to reading more. :)

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