Reads good, hope this helps
I don’t know if you’re a teacher, so if I talk as if you don’t know and you do, I am sorry. Nice story, though I am not sure of the age range you are looking at. Since I am not sure, I think your story will work well for students, but some of the words might be out of the high frequency range for many younger readers or ESL students. If they do not understand approximately 95% of the words the children’s reading will slow and they will never finish it due to frustration. So, you might want to double check some of the three syllable words for easier words. If you didn’t know there are different free software online that will tell you the reading age of your work. Chapter three seems exceeding long. Many students will look at that and their eyes will roll into the back of their heads. I have seen it happen, it isn’t pretty. Depending on the age you are going for you might want to add more speech tags, IE she said, to help direct young readers. Depending on the age you might reconsider the drinking. Reads good. Check your open quotes a few might have gotten messed up on the upload.
Read the story now