Greg Alldredge

Xuning, China/Houston Texas

I spend most of the year in China where I teach western theatre in a private school. When not teaching I travel or write.

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A nice quick read.

I am not normally a fan of books written in the first person, but it worked for your book. Descriptions and dialogue worked well for your story. I thought it flowed nicely and by the end had me wondering if she was crazy or being stalked. In the beginning Chapter, somehow, I feel a need for more... a feeling of dread, foreboding or something to help hook the reader. Thanks for posting this I enjoyed the read.

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Helps explain a different culture.

Helps explain a different culture.
Nice read, nice to see something different. These are some suggestions. Many people have no idea about Kathmandu. Maybe some more descriptions of the city and where the story takes place. Not too much exposition but for more of a feel. Until Chapter 3 I thought the story took place in southern India. You have a few long paragraphs with dialogue buried. If you broke those up and pulled out the statements it might make it a bit easier to read. IMO you left out some interesting details, describe the traffic, most people reading your story have no idea what the traffic looks like anywhere outside their home towns. Chapter one about four paragraphs in, you “she returned home” You could have gone a long way to setting the scene of where the home was with one or two sentences describing her journey, did she skip, drudge, crawl, run... the possibilities are huge, and you set the tone of the lead and the flavor of the location.

Hope this helps

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Nice story, east to read.

I enjoyed the part you have uploaded, great start. I didn’t understand your chapter numbering system but that is minor. For the most part I found only a few typos, I suggest listening to an audio of your book and follow along with your eyes, you might pick up some of those hard to find typos.
Good luck, Great start.

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A well thought out world.

It is evident the author has taken a large amount of time creating the world the story takes place in. I am not sure the Prologue is needed, that is of course your discretion. It seems there was a few problems with the tense, or I am just so used to writing in the past tense, your writing in the present seemed odd to me. The protagonist needs to be liked. There were times I didn’t really care for her that much, but that might be my personal taste. These are mere suggestions of course. The book itself was well written with great lyrical language. I almost wished to see more excerpts from “Book of the Moon”, it gave a feel of oldness to the reading. You will see I still gave good marks, these were my thoughts as I read your book. Hope this helps.

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Reads good, hope this helps

I don’t know if you’re a teacher, so if I talk as if you don’t know and you do, I am sorry. Nice story, though I am not sure of the age range you are looking at. Since I am not sure, I think your story will work well for students, but some of the words might be out of the high frequency range for many younger readers or ESL students. If they do not understand approximately 95% of the words the children’s reading will slow and they will never finish it due to frustration. So, you might want to double check some of the three syllable words for easier words. If you didn’t know there are different free software online that will tell you the reading age of your work. Chapter three seems exceeding long. Many students will look at that and their eyes will roll into the back of their heads. I have seen it happen, it isn’t pretty. Depending on the age you are going for you might want to add more speech tags, IE she said, to help direct young readers. Depending on the age you might reconsider the drinking. Reads good. Check your open quotes a few might have gotten messed up on the upload.

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Nice begining

The first chapter starts strong. Interesting concept. Near the end you have a long paragraph, you might want to break it up so it is not so intimidating. You have the start, if you have the end in mind all you have to do is fill in the bit in the center. Good luck.

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Interesting story line.

The story had me the first chapter. I read it in less than a day. Compelling and heart wrenching moments. I did figure out the mystery fairly quickly but I had to keep reading to see if I was right. There were a few grammar errors but fewer than some of the stories I have read on Inkitt... probably including my own. Good read.

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Clean compelling read

Very well written. The story flowed and carried me along. The descriptions worked well. I have lived in the NW and your imagery was spot on. I am not sure what genre I would place your story in, but if you get readers that like it what does that really matter. Good luck, break a leg and keep up the good work.

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Not for the faint of heart

I think I have watched more zombie movies than most people, and this book contained a first. The furry convention had me sniggering to myself as I read it. The idea was so over the top it worked well for this book. “Second Sunday” leaves sarcasm and satire in the dust and moves towards absurd-ism. Don’t get me wrong, I love some Stoppard or Pinter. It seemed that all the characters were over the top, more caricature, it made me wonder if the author had ever been to America, or was these people formed in his head like mine. Overall a good read, great dialogue and easy to follow.

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Not your normal read.

An outstanding read! Not a thing like I was expecting. I enjoyed every minute of it. The theatre teacher in me kept thinking how this would be a great play, the dialogue is there, it has a compelling story. I could see the internal monologue going on, playing beautifully on the stage.

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Nice story

I found a lot to like about this story. I grew up in So Cal, I lived in the Bay area and I currently live in China. Many of the characterizations were spot on, The dialogue was crisp and each speaker had a different voice. I could connect with the story well, even though it is not my normal genre. Keep up the good work.

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Great story!

Well crafted, great beginning, all characters had an outstanding arc. Dialogue and internal dialogues were crisp and clean. I am not a romance kind of guy but I loved it. Any grammar errors were not so hideous I noticed.

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I love the way you write.

The plot itself was slow, but I would have kept reading just for your descriptions and humor. I got all your jokes and all your old folks references… I am a child of the eighties, an adult of the eighties really. I want to read more as you work on it. On and you need to go back over it, there are some hidden typos, like god for good and what not. Good work.

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Great read

An interesting premise and read. The book moved along briskly. I am sure it will do well. Good work. Reviewed on 'Zon as well.

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Great read!

The story flowed quickly, chocked full of great detail, from accents, to looking for a steam leak, to historical facts, to even how alligator tastes. I have traveled extensively around Louisiana and the little details made this book richer. A former sailor I could tell the author had done a lot of research or knew what he was talking about on a number of subjects in the book. I enjoyed the read. I left a review on 'Zon too.

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Is it finished?

You have it posted as an excerpt, it read like it was finished. Either way a great story. Some might find the dialogue hard to follow due to the accent written in, but I loved it. For some reason I was reminded of Poe, or Lovecraft, not sure why those names poped into my head while i read your story. I look forward to more.

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So far so good

You might want check your story, I think it might have been messed up in the formatting on the site in a few places. It was easy to read, I am not a huge fan of first person POV but that is mostly just me. Looks like you are off to a good start.

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A good read.

Romance novels are not normally my cup of tea. The novel should be marked for at least 16+ if not 18+. If it was a movie it would be an automatic R rating due to content. Other reviews have commented, I will not dwell on the negatives. I would reconsider writing it in second or third person. I was not so anal to count but I seem to recall the word “I” often. It happens with first person books. I am not sure your prologue helps your book. It is hard with a book in the future, you need the exposition to set the scene, but too much can kill it for many readers. I gave it five stars, because the character development, dialogue, and character arches where all there. I am sure you will find a good-sized audience for your story. Good luck.

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A great story

This is a great story, not my normal cup of tea but it was compelling. I thought the characters were well developed and many of them had a great arch to their stories. I did not find the sex or violence that obtrusive, and felt they added to the story. I don’t want to give any spoilers but I thought it had a great ending.

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