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A few quirks
For starters, you could change the title of the story. Make it shorter and more succinct so it can easily grab a reader’s attention. That way you’re sure to get more people to read your story.
I really like Jared and Sophie and your descriptions have really helped me connect to the characters in this story. Mordalayn is awesome and I’m so inspired by this mysterious hero!
You have a knack for writing descriptively, and I enjoyed the way you’ve written this story. The part where Mordalayn apparently blends into existence from the surroundings has been written brilliantly! Bravo!
You’re a gifted writer, and your writing makes it easy to follow the story. My only suggestion is that you pack more detail into this story and cut out the unnecessary parts. Good luck!
Dark and exciting!
I really enjoyed the dark, sombre theme that permeated throughout this story. I mean, you really have a knack for creating the right atmosphere. I think my favourite part in this book is the prologue, where the boogeyman is walking down the stairs. After reading that, I feel like you’re a genius. I loved the way you described it and I’ve read it twice more afterwards. It was almost like reading poetry!
Character development is great, and I have a special place in my heart for JJ. I’m glad you decided to write such a strange story. The theme is simple but you’ve made great demands of my imagination, and for this, I thank you.
I hope to see more of your work soon, and I’ll let you know once I finish this entire novel. Great job! Keep up the good work!
Alright, for starters, great concept! I love the direction of the story! I’ve read ‘The Conqueror’ series by Conn Iggulden, so I have a fair idea of how nomadic tribes work. You seem to have depicted them quite well.
You’ve also managed to recreate that atmosphere of fear and despair that Saja is actually feeling at that moment, and for this, I commend you.
However, you may want to pay attention to your spellings and do a couple of proofreads on this story. I noticed many, many spelling mistakes and typos. And most of these mistakes are difficult to detect because the word used sounds the same.
For example, you’ve used ‘manor’ instead of ‘manner’. So I suggest going through the entire story and cleaning up these minor mistakes. But on the whole, it’s a fairly decent job. It’s just difficult to read because of the typos and mistakes.
I love how you’ve shown your readers a grim, but extremely believable future. One where the Earth is in shambles and we, humanity, are the sole cause for it. Your novel helps the reader to understand that our worst enemy is humanity itself, and if we don’t stop this endless struggle for power, we’re all going to be destroyed soon.
I’d like if Kevari was described in more detail so I could have some idea of how this mysterious and otherworldly being looks. So you may want to work on that part a little more. Of course, I haven’t read more than 4 chapters yet, so maybe I’m wrong in making such an assessment.
Your writing style is great, and the story has a really good flow to it. I can't seem to find anything wrong with it at all! I wish you best of luck and I hope this novel is published soon.
First, I think you can change the title to just Drawing Dead’. I mean there’s no need for the ‘Faolan O’Connor Novel’ in the title.
Besides the title, I love the way this story is written! You’re a truly gifted writer and you managed to bring out the human aspect of each of your characters. Especially the first part of the first chapter where Faolan watches as his friend stabs him? That part was really well written.
However, I think you need to be more careful when it comes to your use of grammar. I noticed a lot of subject-verb agreement issues and some problems with the tense. As in, you’ve written some parts in past tense and some in present. It makes the story a little difficult to follow.
Clean up these issues, and you’ve got a great novel! I hope to see it published soon!
An eerie and unsettling murder mystery that ties the lives of three strong individuals together. What could be better than that?
I love the suspense and drama you’ve managed to create with your writing as it makes the story extremely enjoyable to read. You’re a talented writer, and I hope to read more of your work soon.
However, I did notice some issues with the way your sentences are structured. You’ve got a good way of conveying emotions, but I feel your actual writing needs to be more clear and concise if you want to communicate with the reader. This story is by no means an easy-read as some sentences were convoluted enough for me to go over them at least twice.
If you really want to make the book stand out, I suggest re-reading the story and making the sentences as simple as possible.
Loved it so far!
I’m sorry but I didn’t have a lot of time, so I read only the first two chapters of this story. But I felt like I needed to leave a review on this novel. I love the tone and the direction of the story and your writing is spot on. I’d say you're a fairly decent writer, and you definitely have a lot more stories in you just waiting to come out.
One thing I did notice, however, is the kind of tense you use in your sentences. As in, the past, present, and future tense. There were many sentences where you started off with the present and then switched to the past tense. You need to be careful of errors like this, because it dissuades an avid reader from continuing to read the book.
Besides this issue, I didn't really notice anything else amiss in the first two chapters. Of course, you can improve your writing skills and make the story stand out even more, but great job anyway!
A delightful read
I like the protagonist Angelo and how he has this curiosity that never seems to be satiated. Your character development is spot on, and I’m glad I decided to read this story. Of course, I haven’t finished the whole thing yet, but I plan on doing so!
You’re a good storyteller, and I like how you’ve humanised the characters in this story, making them easier to relate to. I enjoyed the way you’ve interwoven regular, human life along with this demonic reality that people live in.
If I had to give you one piece of advice though, it would be to slow down on the pace a little bit. Your story is great but you’ve packed too much detail into one chapter, making it difficult to remember everything.
Besides this one small issue, great story and I wish you luck for your future!
I have to say you’ve written one hell of a story! I love the idea of life after life and you’ve made it sound so believable! You’re a great storyteller and you write extremely well; I’m sure you’re going to have a flourishing career as a novelist.
I haven’t read the whole story yet, but I’m going to keep reading till I’m done! The concept you’ve put forth in this story is incredible, and there’s no discrepancies to make me question the credibility of what you’re saying.
What I’m trying to say is, although it’s fiction, it’s still quite believable in that world, and I think you’ve nailed the story telling.
All in all, a great novel and I hope it gets published soon! Good luck with your next story!
A very interesting take on extraterrestrials and their interactions with humans on Earth. Most alien-related books talk about aliens visiting Earth for the first time, but I liked this one because the protagonist has already encountered aliens once and she’s now facing them again.
I love the relationship between Susan and her daughter Cecily. It’s sad that Susan has to fight to take her daughter back from this mysterious Bozidar Cottonwood, but you’ve written the story fairly well and I quite enjoyed reading the first 5 chapters.
I’d say be a little more descriptive of how the alien looked before transforming himself/herself into a human, because it’s difficult to imagine his/her body type.
All in all, it’s a fun read and I hope to finish the novel as soon as possible. Good luck for your future!
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