Jake😧

Love all things Horror and Fantasy!

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Can't wait to see where you take it!

There is only two chapters to this book, but let me tell you this author knows how to word play. Her chapters are action packed and just a full on rollercoaster through and through. Yes, I found several spelling mistakes and the structure of her story is misplaced, but she has assured that she knows and is fixing the issue. All in all, its a great story in a genre that we all know and most love. I can't wait to see what you do with this story and I hope you knock it out!

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Great, but...

I do want to start off with the positives for this story. I like the simplicity of language used throughout. It was not complex, yet also not too dull. It was enough for you to read without stopping in between words or sentences. Next, I love the descriptions the author used when she talked about a scene or feeling. She had no problems painting a picture for those to see exactly what she was trying to express.

With that being said, I now have to be critical and relay what I found in negative aspects. There are massive problems with this novel's structure. Punctuations are misplaced quite frequently, sentence fragments are abundant and paragraph/dialogue set up is not established well. I won't go into detail's exactly of what I found as I already did this in some of the author's chapters to give them the idea of what was found.

Now, I do not fully blame the author for these mistakes. I know how hard it is to write, be your own editor and so on and so forth. Who I blame and are severely disappointed in, is the 7 other people below me who praised the author's work, but did not inform her of just how many mistakes were there. It is not like these were hidden or hard to spot. They were very prominent and if you actually read line by line, you'd see it in a heartbeat.

These kinds of reviews sadden me because they tell me a few things. One, they didn't really read the story they just skimmed. Two, they did read it, but just didn't care to let the author know. Last, the author possibly did a review swap and might have given the others a positive rating which in turn, they also did. Whatever the case may be, stuff like this does not help a writer grow. If anything, it holds them back from reaching their true potential because only those who learn from such mistakes grow. I hope what I said helped you in the long wrong and that you continue to grow and improve on your writing journey!

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Different perspectives

First off, I love the premise of this novel. The story hits so close to home right now, that it just has that impact. I also did enjoy the different perspectives of characters and their thoughts on the escalation of how things are proceeding (don’t want to spoil any storytelling here). Especially, how each one reacts to those events.

That being said, the only thing I saw that was off for me, was the structure of the story. Your flow was quite good and it transitioned beautifully, but remember, sentences can only be left solo if it’s accompanied with dialogue, but that’s it. Otherwise, if you’re just describing a scene, feeling or an event without it? It should be read in paragraph form. If you leave one sentence here or two sentences there, then it’s a sentence fragment and that’s considered a huge no-no for book writing and the editing world. I have seen this in many stories so far, and I want to make sure any writer who loves storytelling knows this! It’s vastly important! Especially if you want to one day get this book published! Keep on going!

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It’s a great start!

I read the first three chapters as well as the premise. I like the start so far! Here are a few things that did catch my eye.

Grammar: For example: In prologue, first paragraph, you put of instead of off. As well as in the seventh paragraph you missed periods and misspelled word. But regardless of the mistakes it did not take me out of the story!

Structure: One thing that did throw me off was the story structure. Usually in a book, 4 or more sentences is standard to form a paragraph. But, I feel as if this book is suppose to be like In a diary style. If so, does a great job in capturing the inner emotion that the character is going through as their time is ticking down!

Conclusion: All in all, it’s a great start to a book that I feel has a lot to offer! Also, just a personal note, I recommend if you haven’t seen it, there is a movie called, “out of time.” Which funny enough stars Justin Timberlake. The premise of the movie is similar to yours and I highly recommend watching it!. Who knows! Might give you inspiration for your own story!

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Written well, but

First off, I’m sorry it took me so long to read your story. Had other prior engagements to take care of. But I finally read it and I’ll now say my thoughts.

As an author, your writing style is impeccable. I can’t critique any sort of aspects to your wording cause you did fantastic job expressing emotions and inner struggles Anna was conflicted with rather well. So for that kudos to you. I did, however, found a few mistakes. One, paragraphs with less than 4 sentences are considered fragments. There were several in here. I get some are justified to be solo. Especially when she is expressing her feelings and internal struggles. But for the rest? Can be joined together. Next, found small spelling mistakes. Like in the section, “Anna stopped her by placing her finger against his lips.” It should be she stopped him. Stuff like that very minor.

I wish I could give this five stars but considering it’s a short story and there was a very thin plot I couldn’t do so. Maybe if it was expanded by chance to see how the outcome of will she or will she not be a single mom due to her husbands potential desire for greed comes into play. All in all, great start! I have no doubts you are a talented author who can write exceptional works! Keep going!

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Interesting!

Sorry it took me a bit to read! I had to catch up on other things. But, I truly am glad I did finish what you have written thus far. I like how your story does not start in a cliched manner. Ex: A boy finds out he is a werewolf and as he learns his abilities he uncovers an organization at play and a creature wondering about causing havoc. No, instead you established that their is already a company at play. One of which is neither good or bad, but is just there to keep balance in the supernatural world which is always an interesting premise cause usually in writing people like to be black and white. Good vs. Evil. Do continue with that gray area. It makes it fun to read.

I already discussed with you some grammar issues that I found within your comments of your chapters so I won't dive into it that much into the review. All I can say is watch out for sentence fragments! lol

All in all its a great read. One minor flaw I do have for you is that when I did read, in some places, you jump from day to night abruptly. Personally, it threw me off cause usually you ease into the next scene and kind of lay out a portrait. So, going from one sentence of him coming home during the day to right after he's in a van and its apparently night time just did not sit right with me. I would recommend stretching those scenes out so they flow into one another. That, or make them a separate chapter to start fresh!

Keep on writing! Let's see where this goes!

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Don't Kill me!

Okay, so first off, THANK YOU! You are one of the very few people who is trying to use proper story structure! It was great to see this and made the flow of your book enjoyable to read. Second, reason why my title is don't kill me is because when I first read your prologue, for some reason it reminded me of the Disney movie, "Twitches." A dark shadow coming for these girl's who are princesses etc. Most people don't like their stories compared to others, but I just wanted to express my honest thoughts. Can't explain why that thought came to me at first, but it did. Luckily, it is no where NEAR that lol. Your story was engaging, intriguing with a sense of adventure and action.

Now with all the positives out of the way, I have to touch on one critical negative. There are quite a few and constant sentence fragments throughout your whole novel. Ex: Last 4 paragraphs in your prologue, all sentence fragments. In the chapter, "Allure," I think its a few paragraphs down, there's two paragraphs that are only like two sentences each. That could be combined to form a correct structural paragraph. I would highly recommend Grammarly. It's a great program that looks for fragments, corrective issues, your delivery, engagement etc. Trust me, its helped me wonders!

All in all, besides that minor issue, the book is great. Keep writing!

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A wild ride!

I love horror and in regards of that, this book is one to watch out for. The atmosphere the author creates is fantastic and sets up the tone throughout the book. The lingering mysteries surrounding the woods at first and why those shouldn't go wondering were met with answers, that I for one, did not fully guess lol. I will certainly have this book saved and wait for the additional chapters to be uploaded.

BUT despite these fantastic points, there were hiccups in the story. Such as, sentence fragments, repeated wording, paragraph structure, etc. I will not list all of them as I left my notes to the author in the comments of some of his chapters.

The only advice I would have from one author to another is expand your vocabulary and study story structure. There is never enough words to learn about and you want your book to be solid. Because you have a great premise, a wonderful set-up and a keen eye for the construction of horror telling. If you just learn how to fine tune your story and further learn descriptive words? You'll be a threat in horror writing! Continue on! Can't wait to see what else you can muster up.

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Great intros to different Myths and Legends

Overall: First, I want to start off by praising this authors flow/structure of story telling. It was gripping, engaging, and very organic. Second, the author understands the rules of crafting a story and it prominently shows here with the amount of thought given into her plot.

Grammar: While most of the story was consistent, minor mistakes were found. Its understandable considering when you write and edit your book countless times, you manage to overlook simple mistakes.
Example: Chapter two, when your character was talking to Appa, there was two pieces of dialogue that had commas, indicating an accompanying sentence, but nothing was there. So those should be periods. Stuff like that I found. Incredibly small and easy to overlook, but it did not disrupt the story one bit.

Inspiration: This book, to me, is a mash of Spiderwick Chronicles and the TV show, "Grimm" with sprinkles of myths and legends. I do not know if you have watched these, but if not, I HIGHLY suggest you do. Sometimes, our best inspirations can come from things similar to our liking. Who knows, seeing these two things can help get more ideas flowing, help writers block if it ever happens etc.

I personally will keep a close eye for your next chapter! Keep on writing!

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Great start to a Fanfic sequel Book

I am a massive horror fan as well as a horror buff. So, I was completely surprised while scrolling through reviews at how little people knew about this movie as this book technically serves as a Fanfic sequel.. Its such a 90's classic especially when slasher movies were slowly dying out. That being said, Candyman is no new territory for me. What I did love though, is how you continued the folklore of Candyman as well as that families story. I recommend people to watch the movie (1992 version) before reading her book in order to understand it fully. There are core elements and events from within that movie that drives this sequel book. So for me? This was not only a well-written Fan book, but I could see it becoming a film that I would watch.

The ONLY thing that I found off was the structure of the story. I have been seeing this a lot, and whether its just a mistake in editing or intentional, I do want to bring it to light to help! Remember, unless its accompanied with dialogue, sentences cannot be left by themselves. They have to follow a paragraph structure which is 4 or more sentences, otherwise its considered a sentence fragment which disrupts the story as its just singled out by itself with no substance to support it. It is also considered not proper in the editing world. Other than that though, great story! I hope you have more coming!

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Good, but also sad

It’s a really great start to a saddening story so far. The premise is engaging and the actual chapters are good. Yes, there’s some structure and grammatical errors, as well as flow issues, but regardless of those minor blemishes, it Dosent take you out of the story and for good reason. The main point of why I say this book so far is so good, but sad is because of how true this book can relate to past and even current day events.

I won’t spoil the story for anyone, but I described this book first as hunger games mixed with nazi subjugation. I made guesses and opinions on what would happen based upon the first chapter. Now at the end and actually marinating on what I read, my expectations, while not completely wrong, were also crushed by the overwhelming fact that this main character is so innocent, naive and brainwashed and you feel for her because when taking a step back and looking at the overall story so far, she’s basically a lamb for slaughter in a machine. Most won’t get that analogy unless you read her chapters.

Please give this book a try for those who seem intrigued by the premise alone! It’s more tragic than realized.

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