J. Alleyn Winchester

Virginia Beach

My storytelling is inspired by bedtime stories with my dad, full of adventure and life lessons. Writing is my dream to share with the world. I do not mind intimate scenes, but I don't read erotica.

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A Nostalgic Read

I must applaud this book for reminding me of the vampire romances I used to read in high school. The primal descriptions are intensely captivating, and the characters' haunting pasts make their longing to escape into something disapproving realistic and relatable. I recommend this kind of story to anyone that likes a good Dracula, forbidden romance. It was a pleasant taste of nostalgia for me.

My only gripe is in technicalities that are making the style suffer. I would recommend a grammar check in a word processor - like Microsoft Word or Google Docs - to straighten out the tense and spelling. Take it one chapter at a time, but that's the only revision I can think to tell you. Well done otherwise!

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Lion Shifter so far...

First and foremost, this story has amazing bones! You have set up a great foundation and characters to play with, and I'm curious to see what happens after these two chapters. That being said, I noticed a lot of run on sentences. This is easily fixed though, and its common in early drafts. Can't wait to have Mr. Tiger's Eye come back!

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Fascinating World

My favorite part of this book is the universe the author created. Oftentimes, I see Fantasy world-building fall to the wayside for the sake of presenting the stakes of the plot. While conflict is how we transverse a story, we cannot truly submerse without a world to escape into. Scorned Love has a great backdrop of history and culture that I believe is the shining star. We wouldn't connect with Lucinda's struggles so intimately if not for the effort on the author's behalf to paint such a vivid array of diversity in this universe. It isn't just a werewolf story. It's a real fantasy journey!

My only critic is that the shifting of tense and perspective seems to hinder the author's writing style. Truthfully, if this were revised, it would be an easy full-5 star from me!

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Promising read

With only two chapters submitted, I definitely think this is a promising plot. It sounds like an intriguing conspiracy is about to unfold, and the main character is hellbent on getting to the bottom of it!

That being said, my only caution is to not skim over the emotional journey of this young lady. Grief can be very compelling in the first-person perspective, so take some time to explore it. It might help readers identify with her. Just some advice from my experience.

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Good start

This story is still in its infancy, so it can only go up right now. I would caution on pacing and grammar moving forward though. The first chapter was difficult to follow with lots of dialogue and not much description to define who is speaking, as well as a lack of commas to organize the stream of information. The second was described well, but it was far shorter than the previous once, making it feel incomplete. I sense there is reason behind this, but one author to another, the reader can rarely predict where the writer is driving us.

I can tell that the story is rich with lore and conflict, which is why I gave it a five. There is meat on these bones worth sinking your teeth into as the author continues to evolve their story. I would recommend it.

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A Tale for the Depths

As a lover of myth-based stories, this is a lovely adaptation from its source material. The use of mythology to paint the backdrop of this world is spectacular, and I find it all too easy to immerse into the environment - above and below the waves. The characters are honest and beautifully flawed, making them hauntingly real in some dark places. No story about the sea is complete without darkness in both places. I am whole-heartedly invested in this merman's emotional struggle, and I can't wait to see his path unfold as the young woman's has. The plot is engaging and rich with conflict, making this an easy 5-star in my book!

While the transitions and pacing are a bit choppy, my biggest concern lies in grammar and spelling. Having looked at both versions of this draft on Inkitt and Wattpad, I understand it is in its infancy, so I'll try not to be too harsh. However, there are several homonyms or similar sounding words being misused. I don't normally recommend using automated grammar checkers, but Grammarly is the best one I've heard of. Once those are addressed, the reading flow will improve drastically.

I hope that helps, and I look forward to more chapters in the future! You've turned me onto merfolk stories!

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An Epic in the Making

I can definitely see the inspiration going into this book. While 'end of the world' and dystopian themes are hardly new, the characters are fresh and realistic. Instead of the gray angst clouds of other similar stories, they laugh and live like they plan on winning this fight. I like that, and that sets this plot at an easy 5 star for me.

The author's vision is conveyed well enough, but that's where I would point out the biggest struggle in fiction. When writing action, it's easy to get caught up in the energy and write in a blitz. I had to reread several times to understand what was going on. While I completely understand first drafts are a hot mess, I would caution about focusing on description, so your reader doesn't get lost. If you want others to see what you do, sometimes, you have to slow down. Just because the action is quick doesn't mean the words have to be. By all means, though, get the ideas down, so you can flesh them out later.

I hope that helps! There's a great foundation as far as world-building and mechanics here, so keep going!

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Intriguing story

I don't normally care for first person perspective books, but I will say that this POV is well written. The description of what Selene observes is exactly how I would imagine a person processing it. Great starting draft.

There were grammatical issues that made it a bit difficult to follow, but for a first draft, that's to be expected. However, I would recommend revisiting transitions after you finish writing. It's always best to finish laying the foundation before building up the details. The book is off to a good start though. Keep at it!

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A Sudden Change begins

I can tell this story is in its first draft, and those are always going to be full of grammatical and spelling errors. I don't really want to focus on that though. What I will say is that this book has good bones. There is a great plot going on here that is developing well. I am a little confused by the chapter lengths and pacing of details, but again, this is a first draft. Keep writing. Once you reach the destination, you can fine tune details along the way. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

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Paranormal Agency Book 1 The Soulless

Thus far, the story is fascinating! The characters are very real and honest. The only trouble I've faced is the paragraphs. Having dialogue start in the middle of a paragraph makes me back up to see if I missed something. I find it better to start a new line when dialogue begins, even if it's just a sentance. That could just be my old habits from English class though. Other than that, it's just some little things, like a spelling error or missing comma, that come to mind.

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