Jan te Wierik

Not following anyone yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Darkness at it finest

This profound description of isolation and estrangement, through the eyes of a neglected child is very moving and makes me wonder about how her world will develop as she explores the vast world outside of the confines of the dirty house her parents held her in for the first seven years of her life.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Promising

Nice writing, the intimacy feels authentic as the love flows through it. Here´s a few points though:
During the coffee-date, the characters start introducing themselves firstly by stating their name, but won´t it be a little weird to go on a coffee-date without knowing someones name in advance?
The flashback seems a little convoluted in this stage of the story. It seems like you´d might as well have written it chronologically.
It seems like it would be more interesting for structure if you start the story earlier. The reasons why Max left the mob, what he has seen and such and such. Those reasons can then be referred to later in the story, creating a more compelling plot-line and an underlying tension, because we know what trauma´s lay in the back of his head as the story goes.
Also, in the beginning, the shifting from thirst to second person point-of.-view is a little confusing.
That having said, I really did enjoy the story so far and am looking forward to see it develop.

Read the story now

No reading lists yet

No badges received yet

About Us

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered publisher, providing a platform to discover hidden talents and turn them into globally successful authors. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books our readers love most on our sister app, GALATEA and other formats.