Thanks for an entertaining read!
This is a well-written story, any comments below to the contrary are mere quibbles.
Read the story now
The beginning was unpromising: “The Adventure Begins” telegraphing and an undefined “They” in the first paragraph improves to journeyman description which piques interest in what comes next.
The second chapter bursts into a naked fight with a naked women, flesh upon flesh. He had been sleeping alone when the voluptuous hellion attacked him. How did she get there? Why? As this question lingers without answer, the fact that we know nothing about the male protagonist, and especially how he came to be in the subject bed begins to rankle. The sexually charged argument over who must give up his/her claim to the bed is humorous and exciting all at the same time.
By chapter 3 we have learned that she is a university co-ed, but we still know almost nothing about him, except his sexual prowess, or what he was doing at her parent’s estate. The dialog seems wordy—for her this can be explained by her being at university and still somewhat scared, but there is no explanation for his somewhat dated vocabulary and speech patterns (Punch and Judy?!?). As well, there are only vague hints as to her lack of prior sexual experience. However, the repartee over the diary entries is rather excellent. All in all, a delightful transition of her becoming open to he possibilities of his advance.
Chapter 4: A very good handling of POV in the third person; this appears clear and effortless. His broaching of marriage even before they have made love is odd for modern times (women driving cars, electricity), but this was not previously established. The diary passages towards the end are heartfelt. But I still don’t know what he does for a living or what work he was preparing for her parents.
A very nice ending!