Joseph Hagen

Good story

The beginning made me cringe a lil bit, afraid it was going to be a much more unpleasant tale but it turned insightful. I enjoyed it!

Beautiful

That was lovely and clearly heartfelt. Well done

Great Job!

Clever story and liked the ending.

Nice

An interesting story with nice descriptions, and interesting character developments. Congratulations on your other reviews. I do have a few questions about the plot. I’m a fledgling writer and make no claim to be the end all re: plot or writing generally. Let me know your thoughts on my thoughts.

My comments contain spoilers so readers won’t want to read further until after reading the story.
The main character knowing immediately that she needed to do something with the gem at the house seems problematic. How did she know? It wasn’t obvious to me. I think giving her more clues or letting her find out once there would work better. Why is she willing to go to a deserted, possibly haunted house, at midnight, and alone? If she was a spiritualist possibly, but a past violinist now running a symphony? What from her past drove her to go at all, let alone under those circumstances? Whatever happened to her at the end needs to be explained too. I expected her to be trapped in the room and the spirit be freed, but that didn't appear to be the case. I don’t know what happened.
I’d love to hear your responses. All the best with your writing!

Note from Author

This is about a third of Chocolate Wars, Episode One, available as an e-book on Amazon by Joseph Hagen. I hope you enjoyed the portion I've posted. You can get additional information on my writing and Chocolate Wars on my author page on Facebook -- https://www.facebook.com/josephhagenAuthor2015 -- I hope to hear from you. Thanks!