johnksutherland

Fredericton, Canada

I was brought up in Herriot Country; no electricity, no running hot water.

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Overdue

I liked this short story.
The story itself is unusual and hauntingly inventive, though portraying (deliberately) a lot of slapdash carelessness in the arrangement of the affairs and workings of 'heaven', in the home of the 'creator', or at least in his archives with his minions.. Everything about the story was humorous The author's style is polished and flows easily, making the story easy to read as well as entertaining.
His writing skills are also finely honed.
In brief: 'Well done Mr. Twigg.
Any reader should also be aware that I am a very difficult reviewer, so when I give three or four stars for anything, it is equivalent to the five stars of more easily impressed readers.

My quibble, is minor (yes there is one) and was with the similarity of names. I sometimes had to wonder who was speaking, was it the number two man in the library, or the number three man?
Minor, as I said.

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Lusty Lee Log #1

This short story is fast-paced, erotic, sensual, expressive, never letting up from the first page to the last. The heroine is almost impossible to sate, forceful, does not mince her words or dance around telling the men in her life what she wants from them. What she wants, and gets is told throughout the story.

An exciting read..

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Yes, Mr. Larsen....

Very modern, and quite erotic. I write erotics myself, but from a strictly 'straight' point of view and not BDSM. I read the first story and skimmed the rest. The author's writing style is superb and very easy to read. The stories are simple and entertaining. I liked everything about it, and I am not an easy reviewer..Well done.

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Tales of Kalash Part I

The author has a fluid and easy style of writing that is entertaining to read. Unfortunately, the plot was too light and fluffy for me, though the potential is there. The characters were not well fleshed-out, leaving them more like two dimensional cut-outs. I would have liked to have seen much more on the princess, rather than a 'wham bam thank you ma'am', like a drive by shooting. The story needs careful editing to catch some of the words which we all overuse and are not necessary, e.g. ''rather', but there were others. A final caution: the names of the characters should always be spelled uniformly throughout, and it is easy to check this with a 'search' function for the first few letters of a name,.

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Grammar Punctuation

Falling for the Alpha

Tinkerbelle, I read your first chapter and decided to leave you some comments on what I saw.

You need to punctuate much better than you do. It is easily fixed. Reading good quality books helps.
Avoid using phrases in capitals. That, is shouting at your reader.
Try using italics to emphasize anything, or for unspoken thoughts.
Avoid using contrived words like 'Oooooooowwwww.' Describe it instead:--'the pain was unimaginable' or 'I hurt everywhere.'
You should encourage friends to write something, rather than just to leave star reviews that essentially mean nothing.
You need better and more critical beta readers.
You should put an e-mail contact in your profile so others can directly contact you as you requested. I would rather not have done it this way, but you suggested others should contact you so that you could read their erotic stories.
I have two for you: 'Dear Diary', and 'A Kitten in Delightful Trouble,' There are twenty-six books in my profile: more than half of them are erotic.
You can get back to me through my e-mail contact if you wish. I do not like to swap reviews as that process is counter-productive..
John.

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Logbox

A very nice little story that pulls you along. I always wanted more, which is a good sign.

John K. Sutherland.

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Captive

Very well written. Good story with generally good character development, but.... I have to think about the 'but'..

Despite my giving five stars for punctuation and grammar, I found far too many word errors throughout that indicated a frustrating carelessness in so many ways, but I managed to get over them. I pointed many of them out as I read in the intermediate chapters where they really got through to me, and then I stopped doing it for the last few Chapters, though they were present throughout, and I did not point all of them out..
The story has elements that reminded me of 'Virgin Planet' by Poul Andersen, as well as elements of Arthur C Clark's Writing (The City and the Stars).

With some editing I believe this is publishable. Now we just have to find out who Jayna really is?
Are you out there Jayna? Please contact me, if you are not feeling too reclusive.

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Baby Farm

The story is about the establishment of a dynasty, bringing numerous vampires and humans together to breed.
The premise is interesting and the story begins by laying the foundations, introducing the starting players and their circumstances, characters, their strengths and weaknesses. Other characters break into the story all of the time. When I went back to it again after a break of about three months, I saw that the author had edited it, at least at the beginning. It moves steadily, and I thought, sometimes slowly, from one episode to another, weaving bloody intrigue, difficult relationships, treachery, manipulation and tragedy. It is not my usual genre so I sometimes had difficulty with it, but overall it is an interesting story, though I read only to about chapter twenty before I stopped. The many characters, sometimes too many of them for me, seemed ephemeral, never becoming solid enough on the page. A lot of the expressed emotions seemed superficial, and not well supported by the underlying characters.

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Dude Smith

First of all, this is not a genre I usually read (I like tender romances that have a good story line and end happily), and I did not make it completely through this novel but went more than half way before I skipped to the end to see how it finished before I put it down..

The plot is interesting, but the story, the way it was told, frustrated and depressed me, with the main character never managing to pull his life together, but fighting along in glorious dysfunctionality as he steamrollers over the feelings of the women around him, and as his own life goes down the drain (In my opinion)..

Story line, description and details, the things that pull a story together, start well, but then become 'dark'.
Character development could be made more solid and believable.

Spelling, punctuation, and grammar, are generally good.

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Glass Corridors

This short story drew me deeper and deeper into it. I wanted to learn more, the more I read. It was a cliffhanger all of the way with a thousand questions left unanswered, as there should be.
I liked the overall writing style, and the way the author used english.
It was a very nice little read, and the ending, of course, was entirely unexpected--just as it should be.

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Connie's Crop

This is a story about a riding crop which once belonged to Marsha's deceased Aunt Connie. It is a special riding crop, bejewelled, and with some suggestively sexual power. The story ricochets back and forth with Marsha's and Sheila's adventures in recovering it from those who stole it. They, and the story are helped along the way, or hindered, by various characters, a few good (one of them is Peter,, a PI, who develops a special sexual relationship with Marsha), a few bad. Of course there is a pot of money at the end of it, and a time limit before the money disappears to another cousin.
It is a chapter by chapter sexual romp, with a flashback to 1802 and the creation of the crop, with the dead Aunt Connie revisiting the story to add her own constantly erotic touches, and even a chapter allowing Delilah, the crop, to reveal even more..
The story of the titillating crop weaves relentlessly through the many sexual scenes.

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Let the Music Play

The two Chapters were both intriguingly written. The author has a good writing style and a good command of grammar in general, but needs to watch punctuation. There were too many annoying errors in punctuation that could have stopped me from reading it altogether, but I decided to ignore them and persevere through to the end.
The sex aspect of the story was sudden, and too brutal for my taste, as I like a gentle love story even if it is blistering, sexually, but that did not matter so much. The basic story, (as little as there was of it), flowed, and was entertaining.. Please correct the punctuation errors. I pointed out in 'feedback' what the first ones were, but I got fed up of dealing with them after about the first ten.

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I'm a Girl Undercover In An All Boy's School

The story concept was interesting and has potential. That was what first attracted me to try to read it. After that, it went downhill.
First, get rid of all of the copyright mumbo jumbo up front. It should never have appeared..
I read the first two and most of the last chapter, and that was enough for me. It needs considerable editing, as the author admits, but this should have been done before the story was submitted, as the numerous errors, hundreds of them and the clumsy construction, distracted severely from the narrative.
Punctuation is a major problem, along with the 'he said, she said' style of writing. The clumsiness stopped me so many times that I realized that I could never finish this story as it was written.
So many 'rules' of reasonable english were broken. Never use a question mark and an exclamation mark together.. Use commas to provide separation where needed. Get rid of most of the Mom said, Dad said, juvenilia. When you use Mom, ensure that it is Mom, and not Mon. Please read a few English grammar texts, and some well-written novels to see how established authors construct their narratives and deal with dialog and description.
You need to get an informed friend, or several of them, to read it thoroughly and suggest corrections. I am sorry to be so negative, as I am, but I am saddened to see such a good idea for a story bite the dust.

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