Judah Mahay

Southampton, NY

Reared in Alaska, summered in Japan, moved over 26 times, lives in the Hamptons, and attends an MFA program. Political and artistic advocate. http://www.judahmahay.com

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Solid Foundation

Well done. I really like what you've setup here. Modern day urban fantasy in the making. A few ideas. Give us some more concrete details that we can attach to that will help make the fantastical set better in an understandable world. For instance, I wanted to know what city, what country, or even what block they were on. What was the layout of the apartment? Was the place in disarray, abandoned or well kept and polished with antique furniture. These finer points will tell us more of our villain. Lastly, I get the feeling this evil has marked the children in a such a way he has become their spiritual father and in a way lives within them. This could a really interesting concept to explore. Lastly, I'm wondering if this is based in a true myth or one you've created. The question is probably testament to how well crafted your concept is so far. All in all, well done.

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Top 10 in Beyond Time

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