Kayleigh John

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

First Poem Review

Overall, the first poem of your collection is good. I like the theme and I like the language that you've used, particularly the repetition. It's short and sweet and it's a good start. I would say that to improve, I'd get rid of some of the punctuation at the end of every line as it prevents the poem from flowing as easily as it could. Other than that, I think you've done a good job. Well done!

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Review of Chapter One

Overall, this is an okay start. Some of your descriptions are pretty original and nice to read. I also think you've done well in creating your own world.

However, there are many grammatical errors so I would suggest going back and checking your punctuation, spelling and word arrangement. For example, you use the word 'fornicating' quite a lot and I'm wondering if that's the right word to use or if you're thinking of a different word.

Also, you reveal a bit too much background detail about the protagonist. I would suggest altering that so that you can reveal a little at a time and keep the reader interested.

Furthermore, there is quite a bit of telling and not showing, thus you should also try and correct this to keep the reader even more engaged.

With this, I hope that you'll soon have a stronger first chapter.

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