Ray of sunshine ☀️
Hey. Let me start by saying good start. I really like the construction of the story. You have managed to show the contrast, which isn’t easy thing to do. The dark and bright side of the MC’s life really adds to the emotional connection. ✨✨
Read the story now
However, I feel the pace of story is fast. Ray got attached to Dark really fast. I would’ve loved to see connection grow with time. Adding more details would help to slow down the pace as well as help us feel their connection deeply :)
Second, the development of the character’s. I just wish there was a little more development for them.
Third, there are some grammatical errors which can easily be fixed (I can understand this cause I’m facing the same issue 😅💕).
Overall, you did a great job ❤️❤️