I think that there is a lot of potential for this story! The set up is really great. I love that it begins right in the thick of the action. I would have liked more description and the tension to be brought out more but that's personal preference.
The style could use a little work, it jumps from past to present tense so often that it gets confusing and doesn't flow as well. there are also quite a few minor grammatical errors.
i got a little bit confused in some parts and had to read over it again to understand what was going on.
Overall I think this story is great and I will be back to read more as it is being written.