LKA

Would be great with some editing

Like others have said, this is a unique story with interesting and engaging characters and twists - definitely not your typical school romance. However, it is disrupted by the grammar and spelling needing some work. Don't worry though because as any publisher will tell you an editor is essential. Editors and proofreaders will read through your work if you ever submit it to a publisher, and check through the grammar so it is fit to be printed. You definitely have potential as a writer.

Very promising

It's difficult to judge based on only three chapters, but so far I've found this story to have an interesting plot (it does not follow the usual vampire romance formula but instead is quite humorous) and likeable characters with convincing dialogue. The grammar is imperfect and the writing style could be less...linear? I don't know if that's the right word. Anyway, it was enjoyable to read regardless and I hope you keep writing.

Getting there

For what it is, which is a typical teen romance as others have pointed out, this is an enjoyable story. I can’t entirely predict where the plot is going - refreshingly unusual for this genre - and the characters had some humorous and interesting conversations with each other. I can see that some of the characters introduced early on are already becoming more rounded as opposed to flat stereotypes, and I hope to see this happen to the rest of them as it goes on. I’d recommend researching the interests of the target age range as the characters’ behaviour sometimes doesn’t match up with their ages. Remember that there’s more to maturity than the word f***.

Gets better as it goes along

I’ll be honest, when I first started reading this book I didn’t think I was going to like it. The heroine seemed like she was going to turn into your everyday dystopian Mary Sue. I was pleasantly surprised when you decided to focus on her weaknesses instead, making her a much more rounded character with the conflict that she wanted and failed to be heartless. The interactions between characters are also very good and the plot so far is intriguing, but could do with more description (though not so much that it gets purple-prose-infested). Anyway, the point is that I did end up liking it even though dystopia isn’t usually my thing, so thanks for the read.