MA Frio

Has literary potential

The story had a strong start. The imagery using colours and metaphors like crayons and puzzles was a nice touch; it really brought about a feeling of youth, and made it feel as if Lou and Graham were childhood friends. There were a few parts where the grammar and word choices were off, and where the phrases needed a bit of polishing. Also, I would have liked the story to have gone more into the details of the challenges, insecurities, and anxieties of the two characters — what makes them so reluctant to grow up and leave for college? I understand that this particular point in any person's life does come with those concerns, but the story would have been more powerful if these concerns were vocalised or described more. Perhaps more dialogue and interactions between the characters would have helped flesh this out more. The writing was decent and competent overall. I see its literary potential; the narrative is not simply a device to move along the plot, but actually takes the reader on a journey — a scenic route rather than a shortcut, if you will.

Okay start so far

It's a cute start so far. I don't have too many complaints about the grammar but the punctuation can be cleaned up in places. I can't really judge too much of the plot yet because nothing much has happened, but I like the way the insecurity and inner thought process of Tae is handled.

Nice narrative and descriptors

I enjoyed the flow, and the use of descriptors, which provided a good glimpse into the interior world of the protagonist. The stilted narrative with short sentences was nice to show the character's thought process--both content and speed/flow. It just needs a bit of polishing and editing work for spelling and punctuation mostly, but these didn't really distract from the reading experience. The first chapter got me interested to see more interaction with the captor, see a bit more of his personality and understand more why the protagonist feels he "loved" her, so it's a good start to a book.