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Could use more world-building, but wildly creative!

Seriously a wildly imaginative concept! It's an interesting mix to have the fickle will of greek mythology-like gods mesh with the life of a human in a world where it's possible to have eaten a table. I saw someone comment that this was weird, but in a good way, and I agree! I have never read something like this (ever) and I was pleasantly surprised that it offered creative action scenes (that I can definitely see play out in a movie).

I did wish I saw more world-building as I often wondered where these scenes in these first three chapters took place. I think it would have been easier to understand the context of everyone's relationship to each other if there was some detail in the setting's atmosphere and some backstory for plot-relevant context. While this is in series, it would be helpful if the first chapter contained a small amount of context for each character introduced, just to acquaint the reader (even if they did read the previous books!). For example, the fight scene with Bob felt a little out of place since I couldn't tell where exactly they were, or from where they were escaping (the Icebreakers' lair?) I did like that this fight scene gave a reader a sense of how Toby's powers work.

Another thing I saw were some grammatical or stylistic issues that can be easily solved. I would say that it's important to make sure the ideas of the sentences you're expressing are clear enough so a reader is not inclined to reread to capture the meaning. I left feedback where I can regarding speech tags and ellipses usage as well!

While all of that is important, you did a great job facilitating a showing-not-telling manner of expressing character's emotions! I was impressed with chapter 1's intro dialogue (Goros, I think) and was really immersed in Toby's frustration/exasperation. Well done!

Vague Setup but Interesting Plotline!

This is such a cool concept!! At first I did think werewolves because of the constant night and moon being out, but after realizing that the moon gets eclipsed, I realized it had to be vampires. That being said, there are some kinks/plot/environmental holes to work out otherwise. Lunar eclipses may only happen when the moon is full, how does your version of Earth account for that? I would have liked to see more world-building/ in-depth exploration of this constant-dusk environment. What does the sky look like? How does the community generate energy? I saw you mentioned "The Authority", is that post-earth's-nightfall's form of government? What happened there? You have a huge opportunity to provide a ton of details to really immerse your reader into this kind of post-apocalyptic world.

One more aspect I would focus on is showing instead of telling! I would have loved to read how MC feels when these things are happening. While I can imagine, I'd love to have the insight of being in MC's mind.

There may have been a few awkward diction/flow choices or grammatical errors in here but they don't impede too much on following the story. However, I would say that attending to them might definitely help your reader immerse themselves in this world you built.

That being said, the questions you draw on to lead the reader through the plotline (as far as the first 3-ish chapters are concerned), are great for getting the reader hooked! Like who are these people, what is happening, and I'm eager to find out! This does play out like a pilot of a Vamp TV show (that I always have the guilty pleasure of watching) and I love that the type of drama encased in those shows is delivered well in these chapters.

I love this and the concept! And I'm excited to see how you further build upon it. I'll probably continue to read it in some spare time just to see what happens, haha. Cheers!

Fascinating and Well-paced

this is a lovely read so far! i'm 3 chapters in and i'm super hooked on this premise. it reads well and i would totally watch this as a movie - think sort of interstellar but with extraterrestrial life and hints of arthurian lit.

one thing i noticed is that i was reading maya, her brother and colin as much younger people that they actually are. i realized that maya is 23 (i think!) and i later forgot because she seems so innocent and the dialogue in context with her father seems more childlike. i totally see why the dynamic comes together since her father belittles her and ages her down, but i would say that adding a more serious thread of tension between the two would help demonstrate her maturity a little more. like instead of her being ultra-willing to get her father's approval, have her in ambivalence. this way the tension or resentment built into their relationship will feel more grown, if that makes sense.

on the other hand i saw a few missing commas or misuse of commas in the place of semicolons. i also saw word choice or structural stuff that could be easily fixed but didn't impact reading too seriously (i left feedback!). but these are my only critiques!

i enjoyed this read and your narration is lovely! the characters also feel very real! ya had me angry at good-ol Mack there for a hot minute haha. overall, amazing job!