mattthomasauthor

Definitely some potential!

I really enjoyed the establishment of each character and the insight into their backstories, making for an anthology series totally worth a look! The biggest thing I would suggest is for you to put this to an edit; I noticed a lot of grammatical and punctuation mistakes, like missing quotes, periods, etc. While it may take away from the reader experience, the story would benefit from rectifying these. Try prowritingaid.com for help! Aside from that, keep up the good work and happy writing!

Has Potential

Love how the author establishes mood and the characters, but it will truly benefit from a full proofread and edit, as there appear to be a few plot holes. Overall, though, a good start!

A fun fantasy read!

Definitely had fun reading this one! You set a foundation for a page-turning story, and I especially enjoyed the introduction of the main characters and their dialogue. That said, I would definitely work a little more on character development and try not to focus TOO much on dialogue, but overall a great job! Happy writing!

Outstanding Start!

You make no secret of the Matrix influence here! Absolutely entranced by the first couple of chapters; this definitely will be a page-turner no doubt! Love how you established the mood and how you made the characters so relatable, and I especially was intrigued by how you clued the reader into Lexi's mind.

A few suggestions going forward; I would try to condense the chapters a little bit, and it would definitely benefit from an edit; I noticed a lot of grammatical mistakes such as missing periods, commas, etc. Try prowritingaid.com; it's been a very valuable tool for me as I've composed my work.

Aside from that, I would highly, highly recommend this book to scifi or adventure fans! Keep up the good work!

Good Start to a Relatable Story

The premise of this story is something that anyone that has experienced high school has felt at one point or another. You do a really good job bringing the emotions of the main characters to life, and you make the reader feel attached to Chantel, Will, and Tristan.

While the narrative is intriguing, you definitely would benefit from a few edits. I noticed quite a few grammatical mistakes, including commas where they shouldn't be, and also some jumbled descriptions. It would also be a benefit to a reader's experience if you condensed some of the chapters a little, For me, it kind of took away from the pacing. I recommend prowritingaid.com; it's a very valuable tool to help you along.

Aside from that, you show a lot of potential, and fans of romance and teen dramas will thoroughly enjoy it. Good job and happy writing!

Very Intriguing Dynamic

A little bit of Breaking Bad meets 24 or any counter-terrorist or police procedural show. Good job creating mood and slowly building the tension, but as I read so far it's a little difficult to tell if the story is teetering more towards an action thriller or a dark comedy. Some of the cliches like "one does not simply talk on the phone" or "Jesus Wept" seem a little redundant, and I'd definitely condense some of the descriptions, but so far it is a very entertaining piece and worth the read. Aside from condensing, the descriptions and establishment of mood are excellent, and the father's character is especially captivating. Cannot wait to see where the story goes from here. Fantastic job so far!

A very intriguing beginning

Very well-written first chapter, setting up a very intriguing remainder of the story. The author's descriptions are top-notch, and he does a masterful job establishing mood and humanizing the characters. I would have touched a little more upon Kirk's backstory and what led him to the moment in which he met Asenath, but overall a very good beginning. Excited to continue reading.

Relatable

Outstanding work creating a very relatable main character in Emma., especially with her struggles with autism and dealing with bullying, something many teens deal with as they transition towards the real world. It definitely could benefit from an edit; others have suggested prowritingaid.com, which I have used, but overall fantastic job!

One Letter

If you like a good romance, you'll enjoy this story. The author does well in developing characters and their dynamics, but it really would benefit from a full edit. Other than that, keep writing and plugging away and you have potential for an outstanding story!

Some potential here

Love the development of the main character, Cynthia. Very relatable and someone to root for. Outstanding foundation for what is heading toward a fantastic story. Be mindful, though, of your grammar and punctuation mistakes. Granted, it appears English many not be your first language, but keep in mind without edits you risk turning off readers. Also, try to condense your chapters a little bit for a smoother reading experience. But overall, good start!

An Outstanding Start

A very relevant story for our times. The emotion captured about the tension of an interracial relationship in a very racist time truly tugs at a reader's heart, and sets up the rest of the story very well. Going forward, I would definitely focus a little more on letting the reader "see" more of the scenes rather than jumping straight into the dialogue, and you also have a golden opportunity to expand further upon the emotions the characters feel. Other than that, this is a book well worth reading, and I look forward to future chapters! Keep up the good work!

Fantastically written and bone chilling!

Outstanding start to a fantastic story! Very well written, the descriptions expressing Elizabeth's terror truly tingle your spine, and that is the mark of a meticulous attention to detail coupled with spellbinding storytelling. Only thing I didn't like was the overuse of cliches in the first couple of paragraphs on the first chapter, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's a book worth following. Keep up the good work!

Intriguing Premise

Very interesting start to what appears to be a very cinematic story. Liked how the author dives into the mindset of the main character and makes her seem three-dimensional. Grammar definitely needs work; the spelling mistakes may turn off a lot of readers so be careful. It almost makes it seem like the story feel rushed. With some time and effort it will strengthen an overall intriguing start. Keep working at it and you'll do great!