Michael

Choose Your Adventure

Writing in this genre and formatting to a Choose Your Adventure is a challenge, and you pulled it off. Other than a couple of unintentional cliches or sayings (give the willies) peeking through, this was a well written story. The stolen dragon eggs of who did it and why was a great device. Do you work to destroying dragons forever, r save them from extinction? Personally, I like having that choice.

Mermen in Heat

For a prologue, this is an AMAZING start. My mind flickers to the (2012) "Mermaids: The Body Found" mockumentary, (2018) "Sirens" streaming service Freeform, (2016) "The Legend of the Blue Sea" Korean series, and (2018) "Tidelands" streaming service Netflix. (2019) "The Lighthouse" film. This erotic tale promises to be shared. Normally, I'm edgy toward a male capturing, forcing, and eventually Stokholming a female. Maybe consider she's aware of the ancient tales of sea-men. She's always yearned to be seduced and partnered by the ocean dwellers. On land, she's exhausted by misogynistic society. They treat women as third-class people, females must be "bred" and complete servitude and submissive - which she is NOT. She craves adventure, excitement, and a "barbarian" to love WHO she is, not only for her sex and gender. As she swims the waters and surfs the currents, she is acutely aware of something in the deep blue gazing at her. Longing for her. She aches to be with a true mate and wants to be like the women of ancient lore. She looks upon the shield-maiden Lagertha. An empowered woman with strength and prowess. Cunning and clever. Maybe she befriends the mermaid who silences the MC's tongue, or they end up competing - only for the landlady to win, and they still end up uneasy BFFs. Think of Mary Jane Watson from Spiderman and Felicia Hardy/Black Cat. I love the dynamics you are heading toward in this story! The pacing is a little "choppy", but easy to catch during editing. I'd love to collab with you and give you my male POV and you gain all the authorship! XD I just love telling a good story like a fireside chat.

Here There Be Dragons

Other than Chapter 5 feeling a bit rushed, the story is captivating. It's a neat idea to have interstellar dragons. I am drawn to romantic stories with erotic dips in them. I look forward to which way this story flies.

Pirate's Booty

Add all the chapters from 1 - 22 and you can make a decent short film. I liked the story premise. A stowaway is revealed to be a female during the Prate golden age. Women on ships always were considered bad omens. The Captian's brutal manner of indoctrinating Allison "Plaything" to sex and life aboard ship was full of brutal sex with hints of softer lovemaking later. It's difficult to write a nonconsensual story without triggering or offending certain populations and personalities. Revealing the nature of the Captian and crew was a nice twist. In agreement with other reviewers, some chapters felt too short. I'd suggest quick editing for spelling and grammar errors. I'd recommend ProWritingAid, Grammarly, CritiquMatch, or other free online sources.

Now that Allison saw what the crew eats, and that they're all immortal, how has her vengeance plans changed or get thrown over board? Your sex scenes were very hot and descriptive. Nice to read from a female's POV.

Can't wait to read more chapters!

Her POV

From her POV of solo pleasuring that morphs into her lover turning her thoughts into reality, BRAVO!! As a man, I always need--no want--- to know how it feels for a woman. From her POV. Many stories explore from a male POV or written at a grade school level. You wrote this with dignity and clarity. Well Done! More, please! You drive me to write better! There were only two spots that shifted, but then again this is from a female's POV, not mine as a man. You detailed how she felt his contours, the sensation of climaxing for a woman, her thoughts, and you included the sense of cool breeze fluttering over her, including the man-mountain that doesn't normally sleepover.

Permission to review?

Finally, a story that has a master tell his sub to go into pre=arranged positions. It's not only about the sexual release but about the dynamic of partners. A sub's trust is more powerful than a master's instrument. A sub's submission empowers a master to be more confident, sure of their decisions, and focus on the sub's pleasures. I would like to see you upload more of your works, ideas, and stories.

Rihanna sang it best,

"'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
But chains and whips excite me"

Dame of the Deep Web

I like the whole story. Anticipate more!

Deflowering Honesty

Overall, this is a good story. A woman's romantic and professional life collides. It's a great concept. I'm not sure if English is your prime language, so bear with me. It was a challenge to read all the chapters, but I could follow your story. I'd recommend using free online editing resources, like Hemingway app (https://hemingwayapp.com/), or Outwrite (https://outwrite.com/invite?ref=c74d586eb5a2&name=michael-paul), . I usually use both. It also helps to have a "Text to Speech" to have your story audible. and see if it sounds as great as it is in your mind.

Do not ever stop writing your stories. This one was good. You show great character interaction, believable dialogue, and relatable incidents for the main character and her "deflowering" journey.

I look forward to your next story, which you will share with us by the fire place in our minds.

Amazing story!

The pacing and story arc was gentle enough to avoid being cliche. As erotica, you slow-burned into the shower scene, and damn you delivered a prize-winning story. Describing both his vulnerability and heartache and Lille's compassionate, golden (or shall I say blue) heart. You wrote it unique enough to build a world that a distraught man upon discovering through a stranger that his money, trust, and relationships would crumble like bitting a dry cookie. You gave enough foreshadowing to pique me to know more about Lille. It hints that she's NEVER done this for any man before. All the rumors he's heard in the mining colonies were envy because of the natural beauty of her people, but when Lille's people mate or marriage, it's more than the Na'vi from the Avatar film. "monogamous creatures who mate for life. The mechanics of reproduction are similar to that of humans and other Terran mammals. However, their unique physiology provides the Na'vi with a level of intimacy unknown on Earth. Cultural anthropologists believe that when an appropriate mate has been selected (which can take many years), the pair will connect queues (called tsaheylu) to create an emotional bond that lasts a lifetime. The intertwining of queues is both highly erotic and profoundly spiritual but does not in itself lead to reproduction. A single instance of this bonding ritual leads to a life-long pair bond." https://james-camerons-avatar.fandom.com/wiki/Na%27vi#Society_.26_Culture

Moreover, @cafeblush your prose and editing skills are supreme. I could use your fresh and masterful talent to help me. Will you be my mentor and patron? =D

Loved it

You took me back to ancient times. A mother's unfathomable love, a prince readying to retrieve his soul mate and bride. Please add more. 🙏

Blink and you miss it!

If you have not read The First She, stop and binge it! Elaine writes a fresh story full of wonderful "fish out of water" concepts with male and female genders. There is a mystery of why all females in an alien world disappeared several years ago. Suddenly, a tiny fragile human scientist appears. Her physiology and form were at first taken as a deformed male because it's been that long since they'd seen a female of any species. The humor at the slow reveal at her form transforms into an erotic tale of two souls yearning for their partner. That's not when the story ends. It's when twists and revelations take place and even sub-plot that this "blip of the ladies" is a cosmic event. Why, oh why, is this not a movie? We can get YA-dystopian like "Choas Walking", but not "The First She"? I cannot wait for the writer's updates! Truly inspirational as a wrtier.

Potential

Use the free online software like ProWritingAid, Grammarly, or something else. This will allow you to get ninety percent better to were you want. This also needs dialogue that reads natural. For example listen to people in a grocery store, mall, cafe... how do there back and forth conversation sounds? Any story needs to immerse the reader as if they were a character. Think Game of Thrones. Why was it popular globally? Harry Potter? The characters and plot PULLED you into their world. You can do the same here. I am willing to be a beta reader to help you get where you are ready for the world..

My POV Review

First, I must say how the first several chapters were AMAZING. A captivating story, a BBW who discovers her own self-worth and the love with twins. As the trio began their erotic journey, on a high school level was relatable. Unfortunately, it began to lose me as the story went on because of the accumulating missteps. I'd suggest using any of the free Articlerewritertool, Grammarly, or ProWritingAid online software to elevate your book.

Awesome writer!

Reddish-brown tones, mocha skin, emotionally real characters gave a dynamic to this whirlwind relationship between Tess and Elijah. What began as sex bloomed into a strong relationship between two human beings. the only negative thing I have to say is that it ended. If you ever want to collab on a novel, I'd give you 90% of the credit because your style is so damn good. This was not a cliche story, nor the average urban romance with gangsters, thots, or dark romance. It was real, relatable. and immersive.

One-Shot

I love the electricity in your stories. The emotions and inner thoughts, even the plots are succient. Despite a few random technical spelling or grammar errors, these stories could be transformed in the erotica of the week on podcasts or internet fame.

Scandalous creatures great and small

Historical vein that shows a Lord's list transformed into love for a childhood friend while his wife spirals downward in her bully selfish actions.

"Who runs the world? Girls!"-Queen Beyonce

Can this become a tv series? Pls!!!

Chocolate Vanilla Swirl

I gotta say, as a biracial man this was a happy discovery and joy to read! Why some people think women - or married women - don't get annoyed but aroused and desire healthy sex is beyond me! If momma ain't happy, the whole damn house ain't going to get some happy!

A Sub Discovers Her True Self

Great story and concept. Minor technical glitches (cease vs seize), but this is definitely an adult-only book. Awesome dark erotica with a Dom-Sub storyline.

Renewed Passion

I like the generation passion renewed.

Gold stars!

Right away I was drawn into your world. Her awakening sequence was spot on. Her mouth being dry and pasty is realistic. One question, how would she knows her overall state of being, like dark rings around her eyes if she hasn't seen a reflection of herself? Can't wait for more of your world-building.

Weaponized Werewolves

I love your concept. This is a great YA (Young Adult) story that has a lot of rich plot points. Making your protagonist a young lady in middle school was a nice age adjustment. Prepubescent and in the werewolf sphere. I'd recommend filtering or editing your chapters through ProWritingAid or Grammarly to nitpick some spots. Of the werewolf lore, even with lycanthropes that can shapeshift at will, always follows magical rules. Silver bullets cause instant death for wolves. I'd add a twist to the Armored Ones. Silver-infused liquids (smoothies, teas, coffee, etcetera) ingested can cause their demise. If they are unwilling to die, their death throes will be extremely painful, felt by their pack members, and last for days. If they are willing, their death will be painless, quick, and their pack members will only feel a soft absence/void of the wolf. This would give more gravity to their broad situation.

BDSM wolf-style love

Dark intimacy written by KKS never disappoints. The dark, ravaging erotica woven in this were-story was great. My complaint is that it ended. I can see a whole world-building from this written she-wolf story.. I was inspired to take on a new tonal direction within my own story "Thief". I'd love to collab with K.K.S. for a future dark erotica.