mmarieden

San Antonio

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Rose of Deception

Overall, the plot of this story carries the reader forward, more than anything else. This story has detailed descriptions of the world created, the clothing, character attributes, rooms, landscapes, and so on. I liked the emotions expressed, although it almost seems like the writer's first language is not English, and that is not an insult, even if it's not true. It means more polishing is needed, and that takes time and a lot of reading and learning. This book has a lot of potential. Nice work.

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The Everlasting Song

At the time of this review, this story had 11 chapters. In the beginning of the story, the first thing I noticed was that it reads like a teenager's diary. That's not necessarily a bad thing, if your targeted demographic is teenagers, which it seems to be, so you're good. The spacing was inconsistent, though. In the beginning, there was too much space, but in later chapters, this was corrected. The earlier chapters should be fixed as well. The plot is very simple, so naturally it's easy to follow. A girl who writes songs and is already popular for being a singer/songwriter is striving to become even more popular, while struggling with a past love and a likely future love. I liked the use of flashbacks. They definitely improved the story's intrigue. Without them, the story was becoming monotonous and predictable. I hope something exciting happens in your story soon. Nice work!

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The Lost Fae

Spoiler Alert:
This story had only six chapters from the time of this review. That said, the first thing I noticed was that this story seems to be a spin on the story of Anastasia, of the House of Romanov, or at least inspired by the story. I have always liked stories that give a new version of, or even a completely different context to, a familiar tail. That was my reason for giving it an overall rating of five stars. The story overall is written in first person present tense, which can be a little off-putting, but upon further reading, there were little details and insights that I thought were enjoyable. The writing style could use some improvement. For example, the first chapter begins as Anya telling her story in third person past tense, which is fine, but without any warning, and within the same paragraph, the narrative enters first person present. Then there is the fact that dialogue continuously allows two people to speak within the same paragraph, confusing the reader. I'm not one to knock off points for grammatical errors, because I believe a good story is the most important feature, and errors in spelling and grammar can always be easily fixed later; but format is important. As for the story itself.. It begins through the perspective of a young 19-year-old girl, so it can be forgiven that the girl believes it's possible for King Lenin, who murdered her entire family, to "see the error of his ways", within the same night of his crime, and adopt the now orphaned girl. Furthermore, in the first chapter, she acknowledges that Lenin is the reason she's now an orphan, but without any indication or transition, a few chapters later, she is now wondering who murdered her family. This can easily be corrected by adding a break in the first paragraph, with an indication that her perspective has evolved. Another aspect of the story that I found to be a little disturbing is that there seems to be a continued love interest between her kidnapper and herself, even though he gave her a drug which he knew would cause her to go into a mating frenzy. I suppose the rules of each writer's universe are different, but many readers today will find it hard to forgive a male lead character for such an act. Just a warning. The story has many descriptions that allow the reader to see a beautiful world being created around the main characters, and so far, the plot is captivating. Nice work!

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Love Me Dragon

At first, I thought the story was about a college age woman because it began with the main character working as a cleaning lady for a record company. She also spoke of a campus, but didn't elaborate. As the story progressed, her personality seemed to regress. I don't have a problem with immature characters, it just threw me for a loop. She was portrayed as a normal human, but I may have missed something. For example, my female protagonist has a longer lifespan than humans, so her maturity level is that of a young adult, which probably seems odd to a reader who learns that her age is over 100. In your story, the characters interact with each other vaguely, but the one things that was very clear was the love and passion between the two main characters. That was constant throughout the story. I enjoy a good love story, especially when I can get a sense it was written by someone who has been, or is still, deeply in love. I get that sense from your story. That's what made it beautiful. As for the grammar and English, some chapters were better than others. The style kept changing. There were many errors, but because the story was so adorable and sweet, I continued reading regardless. I would have preferred less graphic love scenes, but to each his own. I enjoyed reading your story. Keep up the great work!

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The Secret Ingredient

I read this story in its extremely long entirety, and I'll be honest with you--it was really difficult to follow. The action scenes were good, but each chapter seemed to be one fight scene following the next, with no clear story to drive the reader forward. There were so many new characters added, constantly. It boggled the mind. The subplots seemed to jump around with no explanation or connection to the previous subplots. Your style of writing was filled with energy and life and drive. I didn't really mind your grammatical errors, so I won't take away points for that. I think the story is a much more important factor, and grammar can always be edited. Nice work.

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Michelangelo Spirit Walkers

I enjoyed the uniqueness of this book. A man waking up in the body of a cat. There was no skimping on the details of a cat's perspective, which I very much enjoyed. I won't give spoilers here, but the magical aspect of the story and the protagonist's journey were an enjoyable adventure to read. Very well written, not too fancy, easy to read quickly. Well done.

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Atlantis

Overall, the story is fun and exciting. It was kind of refreshing that there was more action than reflection and thought processes. I find that too much analysis can ruin a good story. Although, some artfully written reflection can be enjoyable as well. Yours moved right along with the action. Nice work.

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The Blue Eyed Girl

Wonderful story. I found it to be filled with enjoyable emotions and adorable characters. I look forward to reading more chapters.

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Quaint

I read through this quickly. It was never boring, always something interesting happening each chapter. I found it to be well written. It reminded me of some books I used to read and enjoyed as a teenager. I normally don't enjoy reading first-person narrative, but this story really draws you into the plot. The emotions were palpable. Nice work.

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