𝗺𝗼𝗢-𝗺𝗼𝗢

Spirals πŸ₯

κ•₯ moyenne on Wattpad! I could greatly use your assistance in helping me become a better writer.

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5/5 ✨

You don't know how happy I am to read something that isn't werewolf related. One of the main reasons I love this story (and why I can't way for you to continue updating) is because it isn't like all the others. The characters in this story are going through real problems that a lot of teenagers today are too afraid to speak up on. The author is also respective of the lgbtq community, and isn't fetishing them (you don't know how many stories on this site that do that). As for the story itself, its amazing. Its funny, yet serious. IThe grammar, spelling are on point. The characters aren't flat, boring and basic (which is something I really despise). They really have depth, and unique personalities.

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3/5 ⭐️

I love the idea of the story. The two girls (although Noel kinda sounds like a boy name so I'm still not too sure about that) go into a haunted house to prove that the ghost is real. Although I wish your writing style could have executed that a bit better. Some of your sentences are like echoes because they just repeat the one before it with slightly different wording. You also tend to overuse the words "haunted manor" a lot. I wish you would have shown something building up to them going to the house, instead of the story starting off with at the house. The summary of the book also makes little sense. The first half would work wonderfully with a little editing.

(personal suggestion: your cover isn't fitting the entire frame, you might wanna fix that)

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5/5 ✨

Now, THIS is how a fantasy novel should be written. This world is nothing like our world, and I was so grateful for the map outlines and extras that the author included. It made the world and the characters in it seem so real. It drew me in, and I haven't felt this way about a fantasy book in a long time. Partly because Inkitt crushed what little hopes I had for the fantasy genre with all the werewolf books, but if this author continues to make books as amazing as this one, hopefully, we'll be seeing a change.

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5/5 ✨

(super sorry for the late review- but I could've sworn I'd left one earlier)

Just wanted to start off and say that everything about this book feels real. The actions of the characters, their motivations, the dialogue. It honestly seems like a book I'd see browsing in a book store. Knowing me, I'd pick it up and give the first few pages a read or two. This sort of story isn't really my fav genre wise, but it was still an amazing pleasure to read.

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5/5 ✨

I haven't been able to rate a story as 5/5 stars in such a long time, so thank you so much for that. I love these poems, short, beautiful, and sometimes heartbreaking. I also could relate very well to them, which is something I think a poem is supposed to do, but you did it so well that I just had to mention it.

My only suggestion would be to change the title of the book and the title of the poems themselves. They aren't written very well, and it can be misleading, considering how amazing these little poems are.

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5/5 ✨

I have to say, starting the book out with that little newcast thing was simply brilliant. Not only was it unique, but it was well executed too. Honestly my favorite part of the novel. It set the tone for the rest of the book. The main character's inner dialogue is amazing as well, and it didn't feel fake or forced. Great job on this!!!

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3-4/5 ⭐️

I just want to start out by saying that this cover is amazing. If I was browsing for books, I'd definitely pick this one. Your plot is also very unique- I don't think I've ever seen anything like it on Inkitt before. However, I don't think you can convey emotions very well through your writing. I felt myself getting bored pretty quickly, and I felt like the emotions Pandora was feeling were fake. Fuzzy. Kind of like I was reading the story without my glasses on in the rain kinda fuzzy. The dialogue was the same in terms of that withdrawn feeling I experienced.

All in all, I feel like the idea of the story was amazing, just the execution of it that was not.

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4-5/5 🌟

I honestly feel like Maddie and Alex's relationship is a little toxic- something which I think adds a little reality to the story. No couple is perfect, they all have their faults, and a lot of books either make them have ridiculous problems that can be solved with just a few words or none at all. I also love how Maddie has an empowering job- something that usually men have you know? Nice to see that she isn't like a housewife. I'm also enjoying the pacing of the story (not too fast, and not too slow), so I wasn't getting bored in like the third paragraph.

One thing I suggest doing though would be to change the cover sometime soon.

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4-5/5🌟

This story was so close to 5 stars for me. Here are some things you can work on to improve:

(-) Paragraph Formations
They weren't exactly spaced out correctly, and it threw me for a loop.

(-) Closing Paragraphs
I think you need to find another way to end each chapter. It just falls flat for me each time.

Everything else about the story, I loved.

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2/5 πŸ’«

There isn't anything about the story I really enjoyed. I guess the sex was okay, but it wasn't written well enough for me.

Things I think you could work on:

(-) The Cover
No one wants to read a story with a boring cover. Ever heard the phrase, "don't judge a book by its cover"? Yeah, that's a lie. If you want some free cover art, just come onto my wall and ask. I've made all my covers, and I've made a lot for other users as well.

(-) Paragraph Formations
Some paragraphs stretched to be about 3/4 of a page. That is not ideal. Keep it 3-5 sentences, please.

(-) Dialogue
Remember, these are people. Human beings. Not robots. Meaning that your dialogue is very choppy.

For example, no one is going to say "He kissed me slowly his tongue dancing in my mouth" (PS, that sentence is also dramatically incorrect).

(-) Clarity
This story isn't clear at all. Once again, your work is choppy and it does not flow well at all. It's like I tossed a bunch of metal into a mixer, expecting a milkshake.

(-) Grammar
I know you said English wasn't your first language. There are free websites like Grammarly.com (which is what I use for my writing) that goes over grammar and spelling issues. It can also tell you the tone of your writing, and how clear it is. You could also hire a beta reader (email me if you want one!). Beta readers should discuss and go over your mistakes IN DETAIL so you don't make them twice.

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3/5 ⭐️

I enjoyed the story, but the fact that there were so many grammar issues really made me irritated. Japan to me, is one of the best when it comes to horror, and to me, your writing style didn't really reflect that. If you're going to write about horror, the emotions and suspense need to be high, I need to feel scared. I didn't feel scared, or anxious at all. Very disappointed, the summary of this story in the Inkitt group was really good, but the summary for the actual story had me losing interest. I expected a really good page-turner, but I didn't get that.

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4/5 🌟

Honestly, I love the way you write. But at the same time, I don't. Some parts you write really well, like the prologue, and others fall flat and I feel like your cheating me out of a good time. The story was also very predicatable. As soon as the story switched to Ally, I knew that she was the missing princess they were looking for (was I right?). What I would have done would have been to give Aletheia a normal "basic name" and then once the story picks up, have her find out that she had another name all along. That way you can build up some action and suspense.

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3/5 ⭐️

It started off REALLY strong. The plot was amazing, the suspense was amazing. And then it just....stopped. I don't know if it was because of your writing style or because of the way you were switching POV's between the characters so fast. Or maybe it was both? After getting to the 6th chapter, and realizing things weren't going to get any better than this, I stopped. I expected a lot out of this, and you didn't deliver. Sorry if I'm being too harsh, but it's the truth.

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4/5 🌟

Judging by the title, I expected this to be some super-cliche romance story. I was expecting Alijah to be weak and a bit of a pushover, who needed Mason to come and save her. She wasn't like that at all (and thank god for that!). The cast of characters are both complex and diverse. You can't really get much better than that.

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Good Read

Love how the book isn't set in America or Europe. I can see your interest in bellydancers is prominent and you tied that into the story excellently. I think a key part of writing a novel is that you leave a piece of yourself behind. The plot is a nice, an assassin loyal to his career who slowly falls in love with a girl that he rescued. Unless you add some major plot twists, it'll seem a little boring (and I admit to skipping a few scenes that weren't action-packed because it did indeed get boring). You also made a few spelling errors, but I'm sure you can fix that will a little fine-tuning. Good luck with the rest of your story ^^

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3/5 ⭐️

The plot sounds interesting enough, but I wasn't really getting into it. The summary lacked depth, as did the rest of your story. Your grammar isn't the best, and it really brought down the quality of the book. The characters' thoughts and actions don't seem human at all. Luckily, you only have a few chapters posted, so you can easily edit them, and then continue writing. Good luck to you **

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3/5 ⭐️

There are a lot of things in the plot that doesn't make sense. Where were they going when the plane crashed? And according to that, why are they in the middle of a forest? Why isn't Jacob a bit more terrified, I mean he IS the only survivor after all. Guns also aren't allowed on planes, so what in the world is he doing with one? Also if it's a journal entry-type story, I don't think you should pay much attention to dialogue as much as feeling, emotion, and memory.

The summary is done quite poorly, and nothing makes a reader discard a story more than a poorly written story. There are also some formatting issues with the entires. Try spacing them out a little. You might also want to bold or italicize the headers. For instance "Day 1, Entry 1" should be in bold, it attracts more attention.

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4/5 🌟

I somewhat enjoy the plot and much of the story. However, I just had to stop and review this before going any further. I don't think the characters' actions and dialogue seem real. It just sounds like something in a commercial or an advert on television. So that's mainly what I consider working on.

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5/5 ✨

I'm only on the 10th chapter or so, but I love it. I love the scenery, the depictions, the plot, the characters (especially Marky). The only suggestion I have is to change the summary, its poorly written, and I had doubts about going into the actual story.

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5/5 ✨

I have been one of those kids who never really liked Harry Potter. But Sofia's take on this book is just...otherworldy. I love little Beth, and the more canon characters are written excellently. I'm so adding this to my library to read later. So happy I stumbled on this book, and Sofia's profile.

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5/5 ✨

I had a bit of doubt about going into this story because it seems like all the popular romance authors whose books have read have left me feeling disappointed. They always seem to be missing...something, but I can never really tell what it is. Yet, followers flock to them like mindless sheep. You, however, are worthy of your praise. You had me hooked from the prologue, and then it stayed that way. The foreboding in the first few chapters and the mysteriousness of the main character had me nervous and anxious. Already adding this to my reading list, and hope to be seeing more of your work soon.

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3/5 ⭐️

I honestly prefer my poems to be a little vaguer, meaning I like to be able to search deep within myself to find the meaning. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? So, it honestly depends on who reads it.

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4/5 🌟

As far as the plot goes, this story is amazing. It's original and creative. However, it doesn't matter how good your plot is if you can't express it with an equally amazing writing style and grammar. If you find sites like Grammarly to be unhelpful, please hire the assistance of a beta reader.

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4/5 🌟

Everything about the story is amazing. My favorite part about the book so far was reading about how irritated she pretended to be about the little kids. I also like how it isn't stereotypical about the witches. She doesn't have green skin and she isn't running around trying to curse people. Also, the name Calyrix is so pretty, I can't get over it. The only thing I would recommend doing would be adding a bit more flair to the descriptive parts where she casts spells. That part fell a little flat for me.

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5/5 ✨

This book reminds me of something that would be in my teacher's library. I love the plot so far, and the characters are written beautifully. The dialogue runs smoothly, and nothing about this story is choppy. Continue the good work.

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5/5 ✨

I'm...I'm literally just staring here, wondering why this book isn't published yet or why it isn't on the main page or SOMETHING. I've only read the first few chapters, but I can already testify to how good it is. It's that good, and normally, on this site, nothing is that good. You can tell the authors are experienced. All aspects of the story are written perfectly and I can't wait to see what they come up with next.

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3/5 ⭐️

I think the major problem with this story is that you aren't really writing from that viewpoint. From the very first chapter, the main character is writing a diary entry. It was well written (in terms of vocabulary- not style) so I was very surprised to hear that the main character was 10 years old! She sounded much older to me. Maybe adding some bad (but still noticeable) spelling errors, or shorter sentences would work. Also the diary entry ended and it went right into the story. I think if you were to write the letter in italics and then continue the story in regular font.

As for your dialogue, it doesn't sound like it's from the 1930s either. It also sounds very stiff and awkward, like they are bad actors in a middle-school play.

With a few changes, I feel like you could really do something with this. Please work harder and don't give up.

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3-4/5 ⭐️

I think this book could have a good turnout once it's completed. It could be something that could provide a voice about pregnant teen girls, or something like that. I already have an understanding of the characters (I literally hate everyone in this book) and Alex's situation. I can only see where it goes, to be honest.

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3/5 ⭐️

Some weak points I found in the story:

(-) The Summary --> It starts off with an unneeded question. The last two sentences of the summary are also a bit weird and could be worded differently.

(-) Dialogue --> They don't sound regal enough. Although Zeus is quick to temper, I don't think he would talk like that. I also don't like the way Apollo sounds like a frat boy.

(-) Opening Scene --> It would have had a better impact if it were written from the 3 POV because the 1st looks sloppy.

(-) Time Period --> What time period is this even written in? In the beginning, it seems like it might be in the days of the Greek empire, but then there was something about a ski lift, which seems a lot more modern. I think you should work to establish exactly when the story takes place more early on.

(-) Historical Things --> I can see a fine line of fact and fiction. Like some parts read as a book would, but others sound like it's straight from an online essay. I think you should work on blending the two of these together.

If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them for you. Take care ^^

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4/5 🌟

The first chapter was written so well. You write amazingingly in the third person- almost unparalleled. So it really threw me for a loop when Nicholas's story was written in the first because it just wasn't executed as well as Mae's. And then I learned the Lila and Robin's parts were also in the first person, and the entire thing ended up coming off as sloppy.

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3/5 ⭐️

A cute little short story (was expecting more though).

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4/5 🌟

The story was recently written, I'll start off with that. There weren't any errors at all, spelling and grammar wise. All the paragraph formations were done amazingly well too. The characters all seemed real and human as well, so double kudos for that. However, some parts of the story felt boring, and I had to force myself to push forwards and continue reading (this is actually my 3rd time reading the book and I finally made it to the end). I think I would enjoy it much better if it were a movie of some sort, which is excellent news!!

(My favorite character was definitely Amelia, love a goth/alt girl)

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5/5 ✨

Oh wow, this was such an amazing read. This is the type of horror that'll keep people up at night (if only it were finished!). I couldn't tell you the plot of this story even if you stuck me inside the sewer thing with the evil baby. But, I can tell you how vividly I pictured the author's words. Seriously good work!!

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5/5 ✨

This is 100% my favorite book on Inkitt. I don't think a lot of people understand how challenging it is to write a story from the POV of multiple characters. Especially when each of those characters has completely different ways of thinking and behaving. Jordie showcases this perfectly. The characters are also relatable (as relatable as a bunch of upper-upper class people can get) , and its so easy to root for them. The plot is amazing, I absolutely love boarding school/clique stories like this. Not to mention it's also unique and unlike anything, I've ever read before.

I can definitely see this becoming the next Pretty Little Liars.!!!

(p.s. for all you other march fans out there, alexander is mine)

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3/5 ⭐️

Writing the story from the murderer's POV first chapter was an amazing idea. I would have honestly liked it more if you kept it that way. It would've made your story unique, something to separate yourself from the rest of the murder mystery genre. I also would like to talk about your writing style. I can't seem to connect with it. The emotions aren't really pulling at me, for example when the murderer was kidnapping that girl. I wasn't really shocked or scared or angry. It was more of a just, "oh, she's being kidnapped" kinda thing. It feels like I'm reading this book through a foggy window. The characters all act and talk stiffly, like robots.

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3-4/5 ⭐️

At first glimpse, Jasmina is beautiful and confident. Fiesty. Sadly, that seems to be her only personality trait. She doesn't do much in the store but work and then complain about how hot her boss is. And maybe aggressively flirt. Because of this, I had to drop the story pretty quickly. I could practically see where it was going. It was a little cliche. Also for some reason, the first quarter of your chapters have titles, and the rest just...don't. Thought it might be something you would want to know.

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3/5 ⭐️

I like the prologue chapter a lot. I think it might be my favorite part of the entire story. It's dangerous and negative and it opened up the story very well. There were a few grammar and editing errors, but those can easily be changed. I think something that drags down the quality of your work is your dialogue. It just doesn't fit the vibe of the rest of the components of your writing. Like- your descriptions of emotions are done well (it could use a little work) as with the scenery.

I think it all goes down to the fact that your characters don't really sound all that human when they speak. I don't know whether it's the word choice or the grammar, but something about the way they talk is just...off.

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4/5 🌟

There were hardly any grammar/spelling errors. The characters are all very well-rounded and complex. It seems like a legit fantasy novel. The Island is very well described. However, it was very difficult for you to capture my attention. I wasn't hooked on the story.

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3/5 ⭐️

One thing that made me "tsktsk" at the beginning was the summary. It's not good. The lines don't mesh very well together. I honestly think you could just edit the first half of it and then be done with it. The POV/ font switch was sudden and just threw me off even more. So maybe delete that as well.

As for the plot, it seems like almost every werewolf book I've read here on Inkitt. What kind of person sends their child to live off with their parent (who is basically like a stranger) for THREE WHOLE MONTHS? That part really made me seethe lol. So good at pulling at my emotions. However, this genre is extremely competitive so you have to either write something cliche and have it be written well or you have to come out with something new.

On a positive note, I love the cover. It's eye-catching and sure to get you a lot of readers. Wish you would change the color of the word "bite" now that I'm looking at it again.

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3/5 ⭐️

The story was not executed well, in terms of your writing style. It's not horrible, but I ended up losing interest very fast. Most of the time it fell flat. In the first chapter, I could tell you were trying to get the reader's attention, but it wasn't really working. I suggest working on how to make your story flow better, things like connector sentences and such.

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4/5 🌟

One of the best things about this story, in my opinion, is the fact that it's told from Maddy's POV. Although Katherine is the one dealing with the horrors of her new imaginary friend, Maddy and her family are the ones to deal with the aftermath of this. It's something I can really appreciate it. The book is a bit realistic- for horror anyway. There are all the basic tropes, which I have mixed feelings about. Some of them are executed well. Such as the dads' cringey nicknames and just basically everything that comes out of his mouth or the fact that Katherine is already afraid of the house. The opening scene is done amazingly well too.

It's just that some parts of the story are boring to read, and that's the only problem I had with the book.

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3/5 ⭐️

The idea of the story is great, it seems pretty realistic to me. There are a ton of high school students who to school drunk, high or depressed. I just wish your writing style would have executed that better.

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2/5 πŸ’«

This story needs a LOT of editing. I suggest taking it down, replanning the whole thing, and seriously doing some research. The writing style is subpar and does nothing to actually explain the plot of the story. There are also a lot of convenient things that happen, such as you introducing the main character by saying, "Isn't that the woman that works at the tarot shop?". I can't say much about the other characters of the story, because they are hardly explained or even introduced.

If you have more questions or need me to go further into explaining something, I'd be happy to.

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4/5 🌟

The only problem I have with this book is the character, Ace. He seems like the stereotypical bad boy- muscly, mental problems, somehow hot as hell, anger issues, and extremely horny. He even has a basic bad boy name: Ace Knox. Like seriously???? He's really throwing the book off for me, and it stopped becoming enjoyable, he's definitely your wink link. Especially compared to the other characters, who are extremely well thought out and complex.

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3/5 ⭐️

This book is surprisingly realistic. The main characters' thoughts all sound real and authentic. It actually sounds like a teenager in the present, which is something I love. But that's just about where it stops. I wish the actions, scenery, and dialogue sounded as realistic as the main characters' thoughts. The summary of the book needs to be scrapped and redone. When I read it, I had absolutely NO idea what was happening. The cover isn't very pleasing either, although this is just a personal opinion and you do not have to heed to it.

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2/5 πŸ’«

Just because this is your first story doesn't mean I'm going to sugarcoat things or take it easy on you.

Things You Need to Improve On:

(-) Plot
The story skips so fast and you don't really take any time to actually explain what's going on. There are a LOT of plotholes in this story, I found like three or four in the first chapter alone. Did you plan this story out before you started writing it? The part where she was getting fired made absolutely no sense. Also, it isn't very realistic. When you send in an application for a job interview, it takes 3-4 days to get a response, and longer if it's for a big fancy company like the one she's working at. As for that. In the corporal world, you don't just become an assistant right off the bat. Especially to the CEO.

(-) Writing Style
The writing style had me cringing so hard. You used the word "whelp" a lot, which I find extremely annoying. You also just time skipped whenever you couldn't think of anything else to write and didn't think people would pick up on it lol. Reading this felt like you thought of something and typed it without revising it at all.

(-) Cover
Not only can't I see the title fully or your name, but it's not eye-catching either.

(-) Characters
Poorly written. In fact, I don't have a lot to go off on, despite there being 5 chapters of writing. I couldn't tell you any of the main characters good or bad traits even if you paid me.

(-) Grammar
I know you said that there would be some grammar issues, but the dialect is different from grammar issues. Half the time a character wouldn't even be speaking (or thinking) and there would be paragraphs littered with grammar issues. You also used " where it wasn't supposed to go, which mislead me into thinking someone was talking when in reality, you were describing the scenery.

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3/5 ⭐️

I don't know how its possible for a story to NOT have a plot, yet still be a good read. To me, it just seems like Amelia is just going through the motions, which makes a little sense when you think about it. She is clearly not mentally okay, something I think adds a little bit of originality to the story overall. I just wish I knew what the heck was actually going on here.

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3/5 ⭐️

A pretty average story at best. Here are some criticisms I found:

(-) Cover
I don't think it's very attractive, and a lot of people pay attention to this sort of thing.

(-) Dialogue
Riley does not talk like a teenager at all. Neither does Criss. And the conversations are all pretty basic.

(-) Writing Style
It doesn't pull me in at all. I'm all for a girl/girl romance but if the focus of it is school, it has to be at least interesting. It would also help if you would go more into her emotions, feelings and the world around her.

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3/5 ⭐️

I think you could have written the death of her parents a little better. It's an important part of Oriana's character, and being the first scene in the novel, it deserves a lot more than the brushing over you gave it. It makes it hard for me to connect with her. You're writing falls flat in a few other places as well. I enjoy how strong-willed Oriana is, and in future chapters, I hope she can stay true to herself.

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5/5 ✨

Oh my God. This story is so amazing, and it's not even finished yet. I like how the author doesn't spoil anything and it's not predictable at all. Like, I was just as clueless as the main character, Lance, and that's something I greatly appreciate while reading. I loved the characters (Edmund especially). Its not easy to relate to them at all, but something in my heart still reaches out to them.

Never stop writing,

moi-moi

P.S. still adopting david btw <3

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3-4/5 ⭐️

Okay first things first, gotta say the cover art for this book is AMAZING.

-

Anyway, I enjoyed the book very much. But seeing as it how it has only 3 chapters, I don't really know how it will play out plot-wise. I don't want another predicable werewolf romance story. But I loved the way you described the dancer, and I can really tell how much Max wishes to pursue the arts as well. You could really make something out of this, keep going.

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4/5 🌟

This story is really close to five stars to me. I just think you need to improve on some clarity and getting rid of some unneeded sentences. Some parts of the story also fell a bit flat for me, so maybe work on connecting it. The cover is also unappealing to me, but that's just a personal opinion, so you don't have to change it.

Best of luck with your writing :)

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3-4/5 ⭐️

Things I think you did well on:

(-) Chapter Length

(-) Grammar

(-) Writing Style

(-) Thought Processes
It just sounds human the way she describes things.

Things I think you could improve on:

(-) Cover
It's not very attractive, I can't even see the title without squinting.

(-) Character Names
I know it's a little late to make this suggestion, but the characters all have basic white names. It's just a very big pet peeve of mine, so don't really worry too much about this one :)

(-) Technical Writing Skills
Some metaphors and similies you made DID NOT make sense whatsoever. For example, when you were describing the character Sarah Beer, there were so many plotholes I had to reread it 3 times to understand. This really stuck with me, because it kinda threw off the whole story.

(-) Opening Paragraphs
The opening paragraphs are often one of the biggest parts of your story, and you botched it. They didn't correlate with each other and failed to make sense. Again, not a very good way to start out your story.

Feel free to ask questions :)

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4/5 🌟

Honestly, I didn’t really like the book. You're an amazing author, but the way the writing style was conveyed isn’t the best. I mean, it’s great, but it’s not really...unique. It just seems like every other spy/romance book out there. I loved the relationship between Miranda and Mia, and the characters all seemed very real. Which is fantastic. I think maybe it's just my personal opinion? Because as far as technicalities go, this book is amazing.

(Sorry it took so long for the review, I was already judging your book for the Mysfic Awards so I decided to hit two birds with one stone)

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2/5 πŸ’«

Things that I think you could work on:

(-) Title
It's a bit too long for my tastes. I feel like "One Letter, One Number Till the Next Meet" is something that belongs on the BACK of the book, not the front.

(-) Summary/Blurb
It's also entirely too long. The first half of the summary (basically until they start talking) is good enough if you polish it up.

(-) Dialogue
They don't really sound human when they talk, and it's a really big deal breaker for me.

(-) Paragraph Formation
I saw this mentioned somewhere else and either you just didn't see it, or you didn't care to make changes to it. Whenever a new character is speaking, you need to create another paragraph. Also, a typical paragraph is 4-6 sentences long, give or take.

(-) Grammar
Basically, you forgot the proper punctuation in places. You also have a habit of leaving things uncaptilized.

If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them.

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3-4/5 ⭐️

Things I think you did well on:

(-) The Cover

(-) The Action
Was described very well. Too well, actually. I couldn't really focus on anything else but her (his? they're?) rage.

Things I think you could improve on

(-) Summary/ Blurb
It was a bit extra for me. Some sentences could be taken out to make it cleaner.

(-) Clarity
Like the above statement. Some sentences could be removed, or added certain words to make it flow better.

(-) Dialogue
What's with the little <<>>> thingies? I just think it's more professional to use "" but nothing wrong with being quirky I guess. Matter of personal opinion.

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4/5 🌟

Things I think you did well on:

(-) Cover

(-) Paragraph Formation

(-) Grammar/Spelling

Things I think you could improve on:

(-) Dialogue
Your characters don't really talk like they're human. It's like they're reading off a script.

(-) Summary
The entire second half of the summary is poorly written, in my opinion. If I were scrolling through the site for a book to read, I don't think I would have chosen this one. This is a shame because the book is good.

(-) Clarity
You repeated some things that did not need to be repeated. Work on making it flow, and not choppy.

(-) Chapter Titles
Some are capital letters, and some are lowercase. Chose either or and stick with it.

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5/5 ✨

I love this book. It's seriously addicting. I'm only on chapter 10, but I have to stop before I get so caught up in the book I forget to do anything else (which is a big habit of mine). I love the character, and I love how everyone isn't...hot. No one looks the same. I love how Vlady (that is his new name and no one is taking that from him lol) has his flaws. He's definitely not perfect, and neither is Julia. There's a lot of suspense that had me clicking the "next chapter" button. Great job, this book is definitely one of my favorites on Inkitt.

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4/5 🌟

I enjoyed reading the story, but I do think you could work on is making it flow easier. Sorry, this review is so short, but one, I don't want to spoil the plot for any future reader (trust me, its super good, you'll love it!!) and two, you don't have anything that really needs help,

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3/5 ⭐️

Things I enjoyed about the story:

(-) The plot idea
I loved how it seemed like something that would be in a movie.

(-) The dialogue
The way they talked sounded human, and not robotic, which is what a lot of authors have trouble with here on Inkitt. Great job!

(-) Characters

Ravine is an amazing protagonist, with lots of room to grow.

Things I think could be improved:

(-) The cover
It's just not very appealing to me. And if this were my free time, I probably would not have picked this book.

(-) Grammar
There are a few grammar errors here and there, as well as a few in the summary.

(-) Paragraph Formations
Every time a character speaks, make a new paragraph. Paragraphs are typically 4-6 sentences. Keep that in mind.

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2/5 πŸ’«

Things I think you did well on:

(-) The cover
(-) The idea of the plot

Things I think you can improve on:

(-) Paragraph formations
Some paragraphs are way too big, and some are entirely too small, and it just throws off the entire story.

(-) Dialogue
Remember, your characters are people, not robots

(-) Text message formations
When texting, put the senders' name in bold, or italics, or underline it. Otherwise, it just ends up looking like a written play. Also, are your characters relaxed people? If so, make sure the way they text reflects that.

(-) Grammar/Spelling
Lots of errors. Before posting use a website like Grammarly.com (it's actually what I'm using now) to check your work ahead of time.

(-) Clarity
Your words sound choppy and robotic. It's a story, not an essay.

(-) Characterization

I would have liked to see the ways Kelly is bitchy, or how mean Aurora's husband is. I want to be able to get sick of the characters and feel the emotions Aurora feels. Again, this is also choppy.

(-) Decriptions
You spent 3-ish paragraphs describing her outfit. Thats entirely too much.

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5/5 ✨

The best thing about this book to me is the main character Aurora. I've seen others play on this idea of the plot before, but they always make the girl pretty useless. Either she's helpless and always in need of saving, or she's cold and "ruthless" but melts too quickly for the male lead. Aurora is not like this at all. She's strong, headfast, and well, if she wants to pursue romance, well, that's her prerogative. Thank you for this opportunity to read such an amazing novel,

xoxo moi-moi

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5/5 ✨

I loved everything about this story, and I have no criticism or anything of the sort to add. Great job ^^

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5/5 ✨

I haven't read a story that has gotten me this invested in a while. It was such a smooth easy read, so I could just really loosen up and enjoy the story. If this was a paperback, I could picture myself curling up with this and sipping tea whilst I read.

p.s ryle has my heart <3

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3/5 ⭐️

Bullies are terrible, and kids, believe it or not, can be one of the meanest people out there. I wish you would have gone into more detail about that. Like, maybe write a prologue or a memory about how mean Ethan was to her? Show us a chapter where her brother took her to learn some self-defense. That, and you could also work on some humanizing. Whenever your characters interact with each other, they don't really sound like people. Keep working hard, you're off to a great start.

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4/5 🌟

The prologue really set the tone for the story. This is why, when I started reading the first 5 chapters, grew immensely disappointed. I know these chapters tend to be a little "boring", but if written correctly, can really hype up the story for chapters to come. You did not achieve this, in my eyes.

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5/5 ✨

I love the idea of the dystopian setting. Although they are set in the future, their way of life is still barbaric. Minorities' rights are taken away, and girls are once again being used to create babies and nothing else. I love how barren and depressing everything is. The only thing I don't like was how thick of a read it was. There were like two paragraphs describing the bus. I mean, that's great and all, but I didn't come here to read about how the bus was big, made of iron, and had no windows. Another thing is that I felt Alexandra breaking the character a little bit. I feel like she showed too much emotion, for someone who is supposed to be a Perfect follower. Other parts you were right on the money, parts where a normal person would have shown emotion, she did not. All and all, it was a very great read ^^

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5/5 ✨

The prologue was by far my favorite part of the entire book. I don't want to spoil any plot detail for future readers, but it definitely had me hook line, and sinker. I could also appreciate how the first chapter started BEFORE the prologue, instead of after. I feel like too many books do the latter. The grammar, formatting, and spelling are all wonderfully done. I love your writing style, but at the same time, I don't. Some parts hit really well, and have an amazing impact on me. Others I was just cringing and skipping by.

One thing I think you could work on would be the setting. It doesn't seem like a real highschool at all. It's like I'm looking at a high school from a really cheesy rom-com on Netflix. I also feel like Levi (who has a really cool first name πŸ₯Ί) doesn't talk like an actual teenager. I get that he's trying to be "comedic relief" but it just comes off as forced to me. The words they use also feel as though an adult is trying to place themselves in the shoes of a teenager. However, whenever you described the kids as feel practically dead until lunch time felt so real.

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4/5 🌟

The beginning of the story hit really strong for me. I felt like I was in his world, watching him invent things, or watching as he argued with his parents. I felt how sad (yet determined) he was to create the perfect machine to win the contest. It was around here that the story fell flat. The writing became choppy, and it stopped having the same effect as it had before. I loved the tidbit about the old lady giving the warning thought. I felt it was very fitting.

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5/5 ✨

Let me just start off by saying that I LOVE vampire books. Not cringey ones like Twilight though. I love the almost dystopian setting of the novel. Is it bad that I don't feel bad for the humans? They totally got what they deserved. One request that I have is that you try to fit the girls' age in the prologue. I was so confused when I got to the next chapter, and it took me awhile to shake off that confusion. Other than that, this story was great.

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Needs a Little Tweaking

There wasn't really an attention grabber for me, so it took a while for me to become interested in the novel itself. Maybe make a more eye-catching cover? Or ask someone to help you create a hook? Some parts of your writing also fall flat and aren't as exciting for me. I like the characters though, love how the dad races for mental illnesses and disabilty. Also, all of your chapter titles have names except 4. You might want to go in and fix that. Your grammar, spelling and formatting are all amazing, so no problem there. Good luck with the rest of your story ^>^

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Trippy

Unless you know how to break down the authors' beautiful flowery language, you have no hopes of understanding the story. I don't want to go too much into the plot for fear of a spoiler, so I'll just let you know that it's amazing and thrilling. I was either gasping from surprise or chuckling. To the author, I cannot wait to see what you come up with next.

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Many Errors

I love the idea of a story (but I'm a little concerned about the age range, it said Blaire was 14). However, the book is filled with grammar, spelling, and formatting errors. The summary is also subpar, and you have a habit of switching from scene to scene in an unclean way, and it's very choppy to read. I suggest taking it down, and asking a beta reader to help you comb through the work before reposting it.

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Needs Work πŸ₯€

Basically, it's a bunch of little problems that make your story of lesser quality. The grammar and spelling are on point by the way, but the plot seems a little bland. Uhh, in the first chapter you used way too much dialogue and not enough action. Also, why is everything in italics? Never use timeskips such as "5 mins later". The story just seems like a draft, and not like a story. I would consider taking down the story temporarily and getting a beta reader to go over each chapter before posting it.

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Intriguing

Oh, I wanted to know who the killer was as soon as I read the summary. It's really hypnotic, so amazing job with that. The only thing I have to add for you would be to add more action to your dialogue. It's okay to have a conversation that goes like:

""
""
""
But for it to happen every single time your characters engage with one another is a no=no.

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Tweak It

I love the plot of the story, and the prologue really drew me in. However, you switched the POV between Kofi and Mia way too much during the first chapter. I'm not sure you even realized. Try dedicating one chapter to onc character, so that the readers can connect to them more. Good luck on the rest of your story :3

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What Happened Last Night?

All you need to do is space out the paragraph and your good :3

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Dark Shadow

I honestly enjoyed the book very much, and have no criticisms to say.

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5/5 ✨

The only correction I have for you is not to use 'Lol' in dialogue. Other than that, keep posting updates because I'll definitely be keeping up with this story.

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4/5 🌟

What is the story about?? Like, one minute he's talking about his love for his mom, and then the next his dad killing (?) his mom, and then skipping onwards to how they divorced and then some game (that isn't specified) where he's late. That's way too many time skips for one chapter. Other than that, its a great story.

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5/5 ✨

This story is literally perfect. All you need to do is space it out better (like indent paragraphs properly) and then check your grammar. Some words weren't capitalised, and they needed to be. Other than that, please continue, I'll definitely be waiting for updates.

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4/5 🌟

I like the idea of the plot, but not the plot. The story kind of bounced around and could use a little bit of fluidity between scenes. Also, if you're going to suddenly change the character POV (as you did with Missy) please make that clear before the story starts. I was so confused, like, "wait-- wasn't this in the first person pov, why is it suddenly in third?". Good job on your dialogue, but your charters action could use a little bit more humanizing, Other than that, I wish you luck on your story and I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for new updates.

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4/5 🌟

I feel like you shouldn't have included a synopsis chapter and I also feel like you could cut down the length for the general summary. Not only that, but both were poorly written as well. And after I had finished reading the summary and synopsis I was having doubts about the story. However, your story was amazing. The writing style is fantastic, and I was hooked (although your prologue left me with quite a lot of potholes).

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4/5 🌟

As far as this story goes, it's all right. There were some grammar/formatting issues that need to be fixed as well. Your dialogue could use some work too, strengthening it and making it seem more human.

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4/5 🌟

The only complaint I have about this story is that sometimes the characters don't really sound human. In the first paragraph, in the first chapter, I expected the briefing of Rodriguez to be a bit more formal you know? Also, I feel like some of the dialogue lacks some of the seriousness it needed, which makes it hit not as hard as it should.

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5/5 ✨

Gotta pause in my reading and make a review or else I'll stay up to 2 AM reading this and then forget. It's really great, honestly Nothing wrong with it. Love how round and dynamic the characters are. For example, Avery is more than just a preppy fun girl who loves to party. She can be sarcastic and witty and pretty savage. She also came off as a bit fake in the beginning and its important to note that people have flaws too. You did a great job showing this. Avery is my favorite, despite her only being in the background. I also love how you write twins that aren't "basically the opposite in everything" I personally feel like that trope is overused. Good luck continuing this story!

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5/5 ✨

This reminds me so much of the anime Fire Force, where literally anyone can lose control of their powers at any time. Since that is one of my all-time favorite anime, reading this was 10x better. The only thing I have a problem with is the sheer lack of diversity. I know you probably have everything (mostly) planned out, including characters, but it would be so nice to have someone of a different race in the mix. A lot of stories have all-white casts. This isn't a problem but sometimes I get sick of reading about Emma's or Peytons' or Sarah's with long blond hair you know? Considering the fact that I'm a person of color myself.

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2-3/5 ⭐️

Personally, I like the story plot-wise. However, I feel like there are areas where you write too much describing one scene, and areas where you don't describe enough. Try to keep all scenes in the middle and try not to go overboard with it. Also, your dialogue could use a little work too. The characters don't really seem like people. Try to make the things they say and do realistic. Well, as realistic as you can get for this genre.

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2/5 πŸ’«

I hate to be rude, but this needs a lot of work. The plot doesn't make sense at all. For example, Nelly is okay with making out with some random guy she doesn't know, while she's on the clock but won't go home with him after her shift? She says she's not interested in being one of his lays but they literally made out in the closet? I think Nelly is a poorly written female character. I also think you lack information on the female body works. I seriously consider taking it down, editing the whole thing, and then publishing it again.

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4/5 🌟

The only thing that needs work with this story is the grammar. I suggest getting a beta-reader as soon as possible because I have to re-read a lot of your story to understand it. I don't think English is your first language (?) but leaving your story as it is might deter some readers.

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4/5 🌟

I like the general idea of the story, but I can't actually follow along because your grammar/spelling and formatting gets in the way of that. There were also some parts where you switched between the first and third points of view that make it confusing as well. I think if you were to get someone to edit this for you before you put out new chapters, then it would be much better.

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4/5 🌟

I'm so happy this isn't your typical 'romance/alpha/werewolf' story. I almost wept for joy. Even better, the story isn't actually about werewolves and telling the tale from an actual wolf's point of view. In the beginning, this idea worked out perfectly, with them being pups and all. However, when they were older, it lost a little bit of its touch. I expected more emotion wise, more descriptive sceneries, maybe going more in-depth about the world around them.

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3/5 ⭐️

I just couldn't get into it. I'm usually a fan of this genre, but the way it was written was off-putting to me. I feel like literally, every novel starts with either a waking up scene, aka almost late for school, or an introduction about the character. But with fantasy, and especially your work, I expected something more unique. Maybe starting off in the magic shop as a little prologue? Talking about the magics of your fantasy world? A cutscene from another part of your world? Your spelling and grammar needs a little tweaking as well.

This story might catch on with some of the users here (who might just be sugarcoating things to get a review for themselves not to downplay your skills, but its something a lot of users do here and I want to offer you an honest review that will hopefully better your writing) but I doubt this will get very far with the actual Inkitt staff. I'm not trying to be disrespectful, or rude, but I really think you should consider adding some plot changes.

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2/5 πŸ’«

I personally feel like the story moves too fast. Not only that, but there are a lot of misunderstandings and unnecessary drama. Not only that, but I feel like Blossom was not correctly represented as a Ghanaian. Blossom isn't even a proper Ghanian name for Pete's sake! Also, I expected a bit more of her culture to shine through. Basically, when the main character is written poorly, the rest of the story is too.

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5/5 ✨

The story is powerful, it is informative, and it is emotional. The author draws facts from credible sources, going as far as to create some of her own. This story is more informative than most, if not all, chapters of slavery in our textbooks. I cannot focus on how easy it was to relate to the personal stories here, and whatnot. And I'm confused. This is a literal masterpiece. Where is all the praise?

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4/5 🌟

Your plot is unique, something I wouldn't be interested in reading, but I admit you had me interested and awaiting the next chapters. However, your writing style is not unique, and it's something that I could find anywhere on this site. I think if you used a bit more descriptive feelings, and tied more into the world around her, your story could be something special <3

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3/5 ⭐️

The summary seemed like it would be a good read, and I was sorely disappointed when I actually began to read it. The way the emotions of the characters always fall flat. It has little to no buildup. The dialogue doesn't seem very real either.

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3/5 ⭐️

Pretty average romance story at best. I feel like personally, you should work on the dialogue between characters. It didn't feel very real to me, at all. It's something that I noticed right away. Also, the pacing for this is completely wacky, it's like Lynn has little to no character development at all. At first, she's like "well my life is shit but I'll just pretend everything's happy" and then not even a sentence later, she's like, "fuck you, fuck him, fuck Camille, fuck everyone". Doesn't make a lot of sense. Your cover, paragraph formation and spelling are darn near perfect though, so amazing job with that!

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3-4/5 🌟

What drew me to this story was the cover. The summary was a bit lacking. I would have either done the first half of it, or the second. Leave a little to the imagination you know? Now when I started reading the story, I was disappointed. There was also something missing when I read it. I couldn't tell if it was your word choice or the fact that it really didn't flow as well as I thought it would (or as well as it did in the summary). I think you should work on making it more clear, flow better, and whatnot. But the paragraph formations, dialogue and actual characters are amazing. So great job on that!

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2/5 πŸ’«

Anyone who reads this book will soon find out that they shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Whenever I'm reviewing a book for someone, one of the first things I notice is the cover. I thought you did an amazing job on it, but cute aesthetics will only get you so far. Your writing style is horrible, and judging by your poor grammar, English isn't your first language? I couldn't understand much of the plot, and you didn't really give me a lot to work with. Very dissapointed.

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3/5 ⭐️

Although I enjoyed the idea of the plot and Eris's character, your poor grammar and writing style made it hard for me to really dive into the book. I suggest combing through the book and really doing some editing on that part. Some parts were written really well, but most of the time, it fell flat.

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3/5 ⭐️

Okay, in the first two chapters, the plot was amazing. I felt like things were moving too fast though, and that you could have slowed it down a bit. Like, for Ava to replace them so quickly....and then the homophobia vibes coming from her made me really want to fight her. So great job on nailing the toxic-ness of girls (and guys) in highschool. You made it seem like a real high school as well, and it was very realistic.

However, chapter 3 was when things began to fall apart. She went from sexual jokes (that you didn't really take enough time to explain), to crying in the bathroom, to throwing a party. And it felt super sloppy when she asked her mom to throw the party. I feel like there should have been more. Give your readers time to digest on a plot point before moving to something else. Also, you should fix the formatting of your paragraphs. There are a lot of grammar and spelling issues littered in there as well.

Hope I wasn't being too harsh, but you needed to hear it!

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