Abdullah Nasir

Islamabad, Pakistan

An aspiring young writer, eager to make my mark on the writing world.

No published stories yet

Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Bravo!

I am absolutely in awe of this story. It is as unique a story as I have ever come across, and positively thrilling. There is such grace with which humans are reintroduced to us through the eyes of the alien race. Things which we consider normal seem so terrible to these creatures. It makes one wonder just how much we agree with only because it's part of our culture and way of life. The aliens' sensitivity becomes clear with the revelation that they are highly evolved plant life. Plants, the embodiment of love and truth, will obviously have a much higher standard for respectability and behaviour than us. The use of alien language is an excellent touch, giving the whole story the right "feel". For some reason, I find their abhorrence of oxygen really amusing. It is a clever way to show just how different two beings can be. A very engaging story, a wonderful perspective and something which we could all benefit from.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Exquisitely Told

One of my favourite stories here on Inkitt. Beautifully written, tender and tempting, unique and amusing, this story was everything a short story should be! I thoroughly enjoyed it - I was able to easily identify with Lorelei. Her character spoke octaves even with the few dialogues and thoughts she had. Baby's Breath remains a mystery - what sort of a creature was she? I was inspired by the idea of the "little messiahs" erupting from between her legs, and it prompted me to think of writing my own fantasy story involving strange creatures and far off kingdoms. The exchange between the lovers at the end was highly amusing, a sweet way to celebrate their victory over the notorious Baby's Breath as well as to cap off the exciting recount. The grammar and punctuation was impeccable. My favourite part was the wryness with which Lorelei contemplated her death: "I'm going to die and in an appropriately ridiculous manner". Lorelei was an amazing character and we need more like her in the realm of horror fiction. Keep up the great work!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Disappointing

The story was told with a lot of raw energy and passion, a very true reflection of people who frequent "the other side of the street" to put it delicately. There was truth in the narrator's words, and my heart went out to him. There are so many people like him in the world - living in a vicious cycle of poverty, drugs and depression.

The plot of the story was terrible. Sorry to be so harsh, but it really was cringe-worthy. The escapades with Tony were strange at best and the old man's cannibalism was the cherry on top of the crazy. Drugs were involved and distorted his memories, yes, but even then, such an event was atrocious. The vomiting at the end was the only thing which stood out for its symbolic importance.

The grammar was even more disappointing. Granted, the narration was meant to be colloquial, but some things were still inexcusable, prime among them the use of "cos". I would like to advise everyone to refrain from writing stories set in colloquial tone. Writing is nothing without grammar and punctuation, and it's infuriating when the author's excuse for lack thereof is "informal narration".

The twist at the end was nicely done. I had been wondering who he was recounting everything to. There's a lot of room for improvement.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Eloquent and Mesmerizing

I absolutely loved the story. It was fresh, neat and wonderfully expressed. I loved the quaintness of the woman and her husband, bent on living an idyllic life out in the country. Matthew seemed a very darling husband, who supported his wife and did not call her crazy. The two appeared to be very much in love. The dead woman haunted the house because she wanted justice for her son. It made me wonder why the husband killed the woman, and what he did to their son. The couple who lived in the house in the 50's are effectively juxtaposed with Matthew and the narrator. It made me wonder whether after being exposed to the horrific events which took place in the house previously, the narrator and Matthew would begin to fight as well. I was pleasantly terrified to read "There was a woman in it". There seemed to be a deep connection between the narrator and the dead woman, because the ghost looked directly at the narrator when asking about her lost son. The grammar and punctuation was excellent, but one small thing I noted which did not really make sense was "He had jumped and flew around". Perhaps it should be "flown around"? Anyways, the story was excellent. Keep on writing! This made my day.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Good Effort

The narrative was rambling, and I soon got bored with the repetitive descriptions of the boy's nightly terror. There was a lot of potential, as being unable to sleep at night is something everyone is always scared of, but it wasn't executed very well. Worse still was the colloquial language and the awful punctuation. A little part of me died when I read "I lived with my mommy and daddy in 1962 and my older sister Cheryl" and "Relief in a small thankful douse".

But there were a lot of good things about the story as well. I loved the friendship between Scotty and James. James seemed to believe Scotty from the get go and ultimately it was James who saved Scotty's life. The subtlety with which Scotty's attachment to his father and estrangement from his mother were tackled was impressive. And of course, the last line was brilliant. A beautiful way to honour James' memory, and to summarize Scotty's past terror.

Scotty represented to me the typical American boy, with his desire to please his parents, and his courage in facing his fears. The imagery and use of language devices to effectively convey Scotty's feelings was commendable. A good effort indeed.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Wonderfully Expressed

I loved this story. The mysterious events in the southwest chamber were not only frightening, but they bore a direct relation to the person occupying the room at each phase. The character of the librarian Eliza was delectable, if fairly cliched. There seemed to be something supernatural in the chamber, which cleverly exploited the weakness of whomever came into it. The first real victim was the imposing Louisa Stark, whose sturdiness and strength was built up craftily so that her departure was that much more damaging. Ultimately, the chain led to Sophia Gill, very much the main protagonist of this story, whose experience was the most terrifying of all. It reflected, to me, how the most strong among us are actually the ones who are likely to fail under stress.

One thing which was annoying was the lack of consistency of narration by a single character. Some events were rushed and confusing, because I kept on thinking of what a certain character must be feeling rather than the one who was actually narrating. Flora's character seemed to have been conjured out of thin air with the retelling of the past of the sisters.

The author's technical skills were flawless. It was a great effort, and some parts were truly very well done.
The minister's interactions with the librarian were the best thing. Keep it up!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Disturbing!

I really don't know what to say. The story starts off as weird, and in the end turns into something totally brazen and unexpected. There is a lot of truth in what Sidra alleges, about how we "glorify the strange" and "disturb things that are best left alone". It seems like a well-deserved slap in the face, to be honest. But I happen to disagree with Sidra, we only read such stories because they appeal to us on an instinctual level. To each his own story.

The grammar and punctuation are immaculate, and the transition from Alexander to Sidra very well done. Alexander's sentences lost their grammar and structure, while Sidra's grew in length. As for Alexander's story, it doesn't make much sense in the end. He is gradually slipping into paranoia yes but it seems to be for naught. What exactly is he so afraid of? He buys a gun and prepares for death on January 21 but this is so removed from the previous entries which only indicate the two supernatural beings and their apparent casual demeanour. The change seems too sudden.

Yet there is a lot of potential, and a lot of things worthy of praise. The snarky comments Alexander makes while recounting Sidra and Valerian's conversation, the relevance of the story to the importance of art, and the description of Sidra's apparel are all marvellous. Keep up the good work!

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Prologue - Instantly Hooked

My oh my that is one engaging story! There is something rather intense and intriguing about the woes of the girl and I'm left eager to read more. The plot is very strong, and there's obviously a lot that needs to be said. The visceral reactions of the girl and the extent of her trauma are beautifully described. The phrase "You don't know anything!" immediately got me wondering what exactly happened to the girl, something so complex and unbelievable that it cannot enter into the police's understanding. One grammatical error which was really off-putting was the use of past perfect tense instead of past at certain places. "The officer had bellowed" and "she had gulped" seem totally out of place with the rest of the story, which is told in simple past tense. A great effort, and I'm definitely going to read on.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Chillingly Fun

That was one amazing piece of writing! The plot of the story was reasonably good, moving forth at an acceptable pace. There was sufficient attention given to the wife's character to make her stand out rather than just being a nondescript part of the background. It was fascinating to discover the main character's mind. The detail with which taste and sound were merged was mind-boggling. I almost felt as if I could taste sounds too. There was use of superb technique to explain the varying sensations felt by the main character. The whole concept was chilling but surprisingly fun to read about, because it was executed so well.

The part about blood being tasteless and the only thing he could thus eat was very good. It made me wonder why anger could taste like blood, but blood did not sound like anger. I really hope you could elaborate on that a little bit. A few grammatical errors which I spotted:
(1) "ohmyyou'resomesweetforsayingthat" - The "me" should be deleted and dashes put between the individual words.
(2) There should be a comma not a semicolon after "symptoms, they wanted"

It was a wonderful read and I look forward to the next chapters eagerly. The last sentence was a great way to sum up the merging of taste and sound and the death of the man, it left me clamouring for more.

Read the story now
Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

A Fascinating Read

I love your writing style. It is very mature and confident, the whole narrative flowing along smoothly. It is a wonderful take on the notion of how we're all constantly in a state of motion but never getting anywhere. The future painted here is bleak, but frighteningly realistic as well.

I don't think many people will realize the importance of Harold's character here - he represents the passing of time, yes, but more than that he is a pained reflection of how sad and difficult familial ties will become in light of our own helplessness. Despite wanting to, the main character is unable to protect Harold from the world and then watches with regret as Harold moves on.

The plot is perhaps a little weak, with little action. One flaw in punctuation that I'll humbly point out is the lack of inverted commas around "are we there yets".

On the whole, it is a fascinating read. The author is very clear about what he wishes to say, the thoughts of the titular character are easily accessible and there is a remarkable efficiency with which the story moves. I would like to read more and would especially want to know if they will ever realize that there is no destination for their journey. Bravo!

Read the story now

No badges received yet

About Us:

Inkitt is the world’s first reader-powered book publisher, offering an online community for talented authors and book lovers. Write captivating stories, read enchanting novels, and we’ll publish the books you love the most based on crowd wisdom.